WTFH

Pam: Hello, hello, hello, Fandom. It's Pam.

Jim: And this is Jim. And tonight is the end of an era. Not a very long era, and an era that only took place on Thursdays, but still.

Pam: I think I may cry. We should carve our initials into the desk or something, to memorialize our place here.

Jim: I've already written my name in crayon on the ceiling.

Pam: Well, that's not very fair.

Jim: I'm sorry that you didn't think to bring a crayon.

Pam: I have markers and pencils and stuff, but you know I can't reach. If only I had someone to write my name up there for me...

Jim: Maybe once we're done broadcasting.

( Cut for the end of an era. Not a very long era, really. Not even a year. But still. The end! )

Jim: It's been a blast, Fandom. In the words of just about everyone who has ever signed a yearbook of someone they barely knew, stay sweet.

Pam: K.I.T.!

Jim: And we'll see you soon. In person. Not with our creepy disembodied voices speaking to you over electronic devices.

Pam: My voice isn't creepy. Yours might be.

Jim: Somebody doesn't want her name on the ceiling.

Pam: Neither of us has creepy voices!

Jim: I'll settle for that. Okay, Fandom! We're out of here! Have a good night.

Pam: Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Fandom!

Jim: Hello, Fandom! This is Jim. *ahem*

"Pam": And this is Pam. If I sound a little weird it's because a cat's got my tongue. Because I was just an adorable little puppy and tried to eat the cat.

Jim: That wasn't a very funny joke, Pam. I think you may still be a little off due to the dog thing.

"Pam": It's still funnier than your jokes. Suck it, Halpert.

Jim: Wow. It's true, but still. Wow.

"Pam": It's okay because you're cute. Now you get started with the notes while I find out who won America's Next Top Model.

Jim: I believe it was Saleisha.

"Pam": Oh my god how?

Jim: I have no clue. Also, please don't ask me how I know that.

( In which Jim tries to convince everyone that he's not broadcasting alone tonight. )

Jim: And that's it for both of us tonight. *ahem* Pam's not going to say goodbye because she was very excited to go on that walk and has already left. And my throat hurts for no particular reason. Night everyone!

Pam: Hi, everyone. It's Pam.

Jim: And Jim. And we're here to bring you the news that hopefully has some bright stuff in it or we may need to make up things about puppies and kitties.

Pam: And maybe little baby birds, too? Those are so cute. They're fluffy!

Jim: And as a last resort, bunnies.

Pam: I like bunnies. Oh, oh, and baby seals. Maybe there were some baby seals in town today?

Jim: That sounds like something that would have happened. It was a cute animal convention. But more on that later.

Pam: Right. For now, classes.

( Baby animal parade. )

Jim: Okay, I think there's just one more thing to do before signing off for the night.

Pam: Baby turtles? I like baby turtles.

Jim: Close. Radio squirrels? Come on out. You've done a great job reporting in the hospital and everything. You've kept track of a crazy amount. Come on, radio group hug.

Pam: ...or, you know, a figurative one if you're not into hugging, little squirrels. Night, everyone. Feel better.

Jim: Night! Hey, did you know that squirrels have claws? Enough hugging, ow.

Jim: Hello, Fandom. It's Thursday again and you know what that means.

Pam: Yep, it means that normal people watched America's Next Top Model in the last twenty-four hours, but SOME PEOPLE can't find a freaking torrent.

Jim: I really don't know what's worse, the fact that you watch it or the fact that you take the time to download it.

Pam: Shut up, it makes me feel really smart. Last week, this one girl told everyone, on national TV, that she likes to hang off things. Like as a pastime. I feel like the president of MENSA when I watch.

Jim: What? I'm sorry, I was ignoring talk of a TV show that even I don't want to watch and I watch a lot of bad TV.

Pam: *sound of a pencil being thrown*

Jim: This is starting to feel like a couple weeks ago, so I'm just going to start reading our notes.

( ANTM, Banana rights, Twinkie absorptive properties, and oh so much more )

Pam: I think that's it! Whooo!

Jim: Hopefully someone was able to cure your torrent woes.

Pam: I hope so. Seriously, just watch one episode and you'll understand.

Jim: Good night, Fandom! Also send her torrents for GOOD shows!

Pam: I WATCH GOOD SHOWS. Good night!

Jim: Hello, Fandom! It's another Thursday and that means Jim and Pam on the radio. I'm Jim and this is... Pam, something's different about you. New haircut?

Mel: Shut up. I'm not Pam. This is Mel Fray. You don't want to know why I am here. Can we get this over with please?

Jim: Wow, Pam. Speeding things along a little tonight. Are you feeling okay?

Mel: Stop calling me Pam.

Jim: Okay, Pamela. Bad mood.

Mel: Don't call me that! And I'm not in a bad mood!

Jim: Okay, okay. I'll take your word for it. Want to start reading the notes? Pam.

Mel: *snarl*

( BFF! )

Jim:And that's it. Farewell, Fandom, Pam is about to kill me even though that sounds very unlike Pam.

Mel: Say Farewell to Jim, Fandom. Not-Pam is going to leave his body in a dumpster behind the station.

Jim: Always joking, Pam. Night everyone!

[OOC: Written, of course, with the wonderful cantjossme.]

Pam: Hi, people! It's Pam and Jim night, and this is the short one speaking.

Jim: And this is the tall one. You can tell that by the fact that my voice is much higher. Not in terms of pitch, but physically speaking.

Pam: Ah, yes, because you're so much farther from the mic, or something.

Jim: More specifically, because I'm up here, higher than you. And, yes, this is the material I go with for tryouts. Just for you, Fandom.

Pam: Feel special, boys and girls, because we clearly brought our A-game. You can't get height jokes just anywhere, you know.

Jim: Especially if you're short, because these jokes are top of the line, top shelf material. So if you're short, you'd need a ladder, or tall friends.

Pam: Luckily, I have both, though I left my ladder in my other skirt, damn.

Jim: You'll just have to settle for the tall friend then. Annnnd it looks like there's something else up here. Well, look at this. It seems we have radio notes.

( Oooooooh. )

Jim: And that's all the squirrels wrote. Wait. Oh, hey, they also wrote some things about what I can do to myself. It doesn't sound comfortable and I don't think I'm going to try it.

Pam: Wow, creative use of [microphone feedback], squirrels.

Jim: I just hope they mean the food that squirrels are known for storing, otherwise I'm in pain just thinking about it. ... Remember, folks, this has been top of the line, top shelf comedy.

Pam: That's all we deal in here. Really.

Jim: Seriously. Good night, Fandom!

Jim: [in a high pitched, squeaky voice, as if he had just inhaled some helium] Hello, Fandom! Your regular hosts were unable to make it tonight, so you have us for subs. I'm Wink Johnson.

Pam: [in a similar, marginally higher-pitched voice] And I'm Arcadia Wasp. It seems that your regular host and hostess were unavoidably detained, but we were more than happy to fill in.

Jim: After all, when the pirate asks you to fill in, you say "Yarr!" and you like it! Or else you walk the plank!

Pam: You could also say "Ahoy!" ...I just like saying "Ahoy!"

Jim: "Ahoy!" You're right. And that sounds even more fun coming from our amusingly high pitched voices.

Pam: Doesn't it? Though I don't know about you, but I always sound like this.

Jim: So do I, Arcadia. So do I. Look, the squirrels are shaking their tiny little fists at us! We should probably get on with the news.

( In which two people who are totally not Jim and Pam talk funny for several minutes )

Pam: Aaaaand that is it. It really is fun to stretch out vowels, sounding like this.

Jim: Yeeeeeees. Although we already knew that because these are our normal voices. Your regular hosts should be back next week with their much less entertaining voices.

Pam: Unless they were eaten by wolves or something. We won't know until next week.

Jim: So stay tuned!

Pam: Hi hi hi! It's Jam and Pim, once again! Or something like that.

Jim: If you remove those names from each other, I'm the Jim half of the group and, might I say, you are all looking lovely this evening.

Pam: ...um, you can't see any of them. I mean, you can see me, so...uh, thanks, but you can't see the rest of them.

Jim: I don't need to see them. I just need to see these notes to know that they're all especially attractive tonight, present company included. In fact, you might want to check and make sure you have some good insurance, Pam, so you can make sure you didn't break anything when you fell from Heaven.

Pam: *dead silence*

Jim: You look beautiful when you're confused. It'll make sense in a couple minutes.

Pam: ...because I'll read some notes about how you hit your head? Do you need to go to the clinic? What's with the suit?

Jim: No, but by the time I'm done somebody may come to the radio station and try to send me there. Hopefully they'll escort me to the clinic, though, because a lovely escort to the clinic is always appreciated.

( Cut and dedicated to Barney )

Jim: That's fine. Women of Fandom, if you liked what you heard tonight, call me. 555-5356.

Pam: Ladies, if anyof that worked on you, call me and I'll talk you through why it shouldn't. 555-5337.

Jim: My suit trumps your reasons. Good night, Fandom!

Pam: Yeah, no comment. Night, everyone!

Pam: ...is it on?

Jim: Yep. See that light? The one that says "ON AIR"?

Pam: ...shut up, I didn't see it before. Um, hi people! This is Pam!

Jim: And this is Jim.

( And on with the news! )

Pam:...and I think that's it.

Jim: Yep. That's the end of our notes. Thank to everyone out there who made tonight possible. Pam, of course. The squirrels. My parents, I couldn't have done it without you. And Nicholas Tesla, one of the many people credited with the invention of the radio. I choose you because you have a cool name.

Pam: That is a cool name. And you're a dork.

Night, everyone!