Pam: ...okay, I have the email up. Are you there?

Jim: Yes, I am. Squirrels, are we on the air?

Squirrel: *makes squirrel noises*

Jim: I think that's a yes.

Pam: Hi squirrels! And hi...everyone else. Sorry if we sound like crap. We're on cell phones. This is Pam, coming to you from Scranton, Pennsylvania.

Jim: And this is Jim from a couple towns over that I'm not going to divulge for my own safety. No offense but my parents won't appreciate their car being in Jello.

Pam: ...no one come cover my parents' car in plastic wrap or anything, either, okay?

Jim: I think you'll be safe. And if you're not, somebody's going to get pranked in revenge.



Pam: Awww. Did you have a good Thanksgiving, with your turkey being all inferior to your pumpkin pie and all?

Jim: No, I had a good Thanksgiving with my turkey being so much more awesome than any pumpkin pie ever.

Pam: You're cute when you're utterly delusional.

Jim: Fortunately I'm like that a lot.

Pam: Like right now.

Jim: TURKEY RULES!

Pam: It does. Except that pumpkin pie is the best part of Thanksgiving.

Jim: You're nuts, Beesly. Speaking of nuts, I swear I hear a squirrel yelling at us over the phone. .... Yes, Mom, I said a squirrel is yelling at us over the phone! I'm on the radio!

Pam: Hi, Mrs. Halpert! Tell your mom I said hi.

Jim: Pam says hi, Mom! No, I don't know when you're going to get to meet her. Mom... Um, Pam, you might want to get started. I need to talk to my mom about stuff.

Pam: Got it.

School, which actually didn't take place and yet we still have things to report, wtf

Pam: Okay so for those lucky souls who didn't get to go home for Thanksgiving, Molly set up Thanksgiving in the cafeteria today. That was helpful of her. Marco came by and chatted with Molly about his morning, Karal came by and he and Molly got Awkward all over the cafeteria, eep, and Ino didn't know about Thanksgiving. Ino, I'm going to let you in on a secret. Pumpkin pie? Best part. Listen to no one who tells you lies to the contrary. You heard it here first. Jim, are you back yet? That's all I've got for school.

Jim: I have fled my family and am now hiding under my bed. Today I'm thankful for the wifi and cell phones that make this possible.

Pam: Poor you. Mine hasn't noticed I'm on the phone yet. I'm thankful for that.

Jim: When they do, tell them I said hi, too.

Pam: If. I'm hoping for 'if they do.'

Jim: Suck it up, Beesly. It's gonna happen eventually.

Dorms, where people were thankful for... I don't know, stuff

Jim: Karal was up on the roof giving thanks for Fandom, surviving a rough week, and hopefully his lovely singing voice. Inara was introduced to the Macy's Day Parade on the third floor. She was thankful that her confusion was shared by Karal and Aravis. And Karal and Aravis thought the balloons might be demons, making me thankful for people from other worlds because they come up with great explanations for things. Up on the fourth floor, Hoshi celebrated with Japanese food and that most traditional of American foods, cranberry sauce that has retained its can shape. Billy came by for the food and Jack brought his own.

Pam: The floats really are kind of scary if you don't know what's going on. My tiny cousin who was here earlier got really freaked out while watching.

Jim: I have a cousin who did the same thing, only it's because I told him the balloons ate people. And also I don't have a cousin who did the same thing.

Pam: That's mean to do to your imaginary cousin.

Jim: Even worse, I told him that he exists.

Pam: You're a cruel person.

Jim: Spending a day with family will do that.

Pam: I've been here for a day and I am so much nicer than you.

Jim: But that's because you're just a very nice person.

Pam: When I feel like it. Anyway. Should I move on to town?

Jim: I'll thank you if you do.

Pam: Moving on, then.

Town, where people...did stuff

Pam: Gabriel opened the church, and Karal went by to bring him food. As you do on Thanksgiving. Speaking of food, the hotel was open for food, and Leo stopped by to get some.

Jim: And now we're onto Thanksgiving dinners. Where I'm sure turkeys dominated over pumpkin pie. 33 Apocalypse Avenue featured a whole bunch of people including people who can move things with their minds. I kind of wish I was there. Melody made tofurkey which caused some discussion as to whether or not it was food. Personally I take back what I said about wanting to be there. John "Thunderbolt" Sheppard and Jaina talked about mental powers before John moved on to watch the dog show with Anakin. Jaina and Anakin talked about Rory, Melody watched checked the puppy bowl score, and Dadd Skywalker greeted Little Skywalker. The Nexts didn't cook anything although I'm sure Thursday's read a couple cookbooks. Because she's a librarian. Anakin, Melody, and John all wished the Nexts a happy Thanksgiving and then there was dinner and cleanup. But, I repeat, there was no real turkey.

Pam: Too bad for them. Clearly it wasn't the best part of their Thanksgiving.

Jim: And no pumpkin pie will make up for that.

Pam: Except that it will, and more. Anyway. There was also dinner at Deadpool's house. There were kitties and a wee fox playing with a cheeseball until some mean ninja took it away. Mean. Aly got a beer for Mr. Cable, who talked to Constable Fraser about last week. Then Constable Fraser went on to talk to Aly about Mounties in leather -- oooh -- to Professor Yondaime about how to get Dief to relax, and to Robin the mean lady about something while their dogs played. She kept watching the game with Professor Lyman, too. Aly told Professor Yondaime that she can cook, and that sounds ominous. Professor Lyman thinks parsnips are gross, because they are, and Aly commiserated with Deadpool about starting fires, thus giving credence to my earlier statement. Constable Fraser talked to Deadpool about his pajamas, Professor Yondaime worried at him, Robin was also concerned with his pajamas, Cable needed reassurance, and Professor Lyman mentioned Chinese. And then there was actual food. And...what? No, Daddy, I know, it sounds violent, but -- it's just Jim! He says hi. Hang on, I'll be right back.

Jim: In other news, Mr. Beesly knows that Pam and I talk about weird things. That's going to leave a good impression. Breaking with tradition, Kerrigan didn't host a dinner specifically for Thanksgiving at 25 Unicorn. River stopped by and they cooked, leading to dancing and fire which makes this my new favorite dinner of the night. Sheriff Roy joined them and River was kicked out at midnight. I bet she wasn't thankful for that. Getting away from dinners for a moment, Mary left with George Michael and Faith spent the day with Renee and I'm thankful for rhymes.

Pam: Back. And in my room. My dad and my cat both say hello, but only one of them is in the room at the moment.

Jim: Which one? And do they want to join in with the broadcast?

Pam: Hang on. *scuffling, then meowing* That's totally my father.

Jim: Pam, is there something you haven't told me about your family?

Pam: I'm half-cat. I'm sorry I held off on telling you.

Jim: If I were a bigger anime geek I'd probably appreciate that more.

Pam: At least I don't have a tail. There was Thanksgiving-ness at the Winchesters', too. Dawn and Sam got there and were greeted by Principal Washburn, who talked to Professor Winchester about their daughter being really into the parade. Apparently Grace is not like my tiny, frightened cousin. Dean got there with Meg, who talked to Dawn about setting Tiny Baby Winchester up on a date. I feel so old now.

Jim: At this rate she's going to get The Talk by the age of two.

Pam: See, I was like...old when I got mine. I am so ancient. Remember to be safe, Tiny Winchester.

Jim: And don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want to do.

Pam: And less is more when it comes to makeup, and then inverse that for clothes.

Jim: We're just looking out for you, Tiny Winchester. Anyway, Xander was hosting dinner in his apartment and showed off his crazy cooking skills. Z was greeted by Bridge and bonded with Xander before Willow showed up with cookies. And she talked about rice. And then she had to explain the rice thing. Never change, Willow.

Pam: That's the end of my email. Do you have more than that?

Jim: Just the squirrels' sig. Wow, they have a lot of images in there. All of nuts. Weird.

Pam: ...not dirty, listeners. I know our audience. Then I guess that's it!

Jim: We hope you all had a great Thanksgiving. And remember, tomorrow is the day to barricade yourselves inside your homes and whatever you do, DON'T SHOP. You may die.

Pam: That reminds me I have to go to bed soon so I can get up at three to hit the sales.

Jim: Don't die, Pam!

Pam: I will do my very best. I'm willing to beat people up if I need to.

Jim: Don't kill anyone, Pam!

Pam: I will do my very best. I'm sorry if whatever I end up getting you for Christmas looks like it was present during a fight, though.

Jim: Are you kidding? I'll consider that to be part of my present.

Pam: And it'll have a story to go with it, too!

Jim: It'll be the best Christmas ever.

Pam: Yeah, good luck competing with it.

Jim: Thank you. I'll need it.

Pam: Anyway. ...we're still on the air, right? We should probably fix that.

Jim: Squirrels, you can go ahead and hang up now.

Squirrels: *click*