Pam: Hi, people! It's Pam and Jim night, and this is the short one speaking.

Jim: And this is the tall one. You can tell that by the fact that my voice is much higher. Not in terms of pitch, but physically speaking.

Pam: Ah, yes, because you're so much farther from the mic, or something.

Jim: More specifically, because I'm up here, higher than you. And, yes, this is the material I go with for tryouts. Just for you, Fandom.

Pam: Feel special, boys and girls, because we clearly brought our A-game. You can't get height jokes just anywhere, you know.

Jim: Especially if you're short, because these jokes are top of the line, top shelf material. So if you're short, you'd need a ladder, or tall friends.

Pam: Luckily, I have both, though I left my ladder in my other skirt, damn.

Jim: You'll just have to settle for the tall friend then. Annnnd it looks like there's something else up here. Well, look at this. It seems we have radio notes.

School, where I still haven't had a single class yet this week. This is the best school year ever.

Jim: We start with a class that could only happen in Fandom: Fandom Invasions, taught by your favorite Principal's baby daddy and mine, Professor Winchester. He talked, the students took notes and drew drawings, and then everyone shared their weirdest Fandom experiences. I was a short, British guy one time. I was pretty much the same other than the height and accent, though, so I wasn't able to reach those top shelf jokes. But that was okay because, hey, everyone likes the British version. After class, Professor Winchester was around for questions. Steve Peter's question was "Can I be your TA?" Professor Winchester's answer was "Yes." In Ethics, Master Skywalker spoke passionately about sacrifices. Students then sacrificed a page of their notebooks and then sacrificed their... I've got nothing good on the shelf here. They talked. The class found out that Qui-Gon Jinn is both a TA and a mixed drink and then Jamie Madrox stopped by and talked to the teacher and Sokka.

Pam: In Communication, my last class of the week, ha, we wore nametags and then my teacher asked us questions without even asking. It was trippy. Hoshi met both Jeff and Andrew. Jeff then failed like a failing thing, and he and Cass talked to Bob after class. In US History, no one wanted to talk to Mr. Noblet, choosing instead to pass notes, as John and Faile did. No one wanted to be his TA, either. Poor Mr. Noblet.

Jim: I'd offer to be his TA, but he'd probably give me detention for it. Also, I have a class with him tomorrow and I don't want to risk him saying yes. Hi, Mr. Noblet! Popular Culture was about the most famous yogurts in... I'm sorry, no yogurt, but there was a bouncing frog which is just as good. Students introduced themselves and their time periods, and Bouncy McFrogalots - I have no clue what I mean by that - talked to Professor Tyler. Now for an office hour rundown: Lulu had them, as did Aly who saw Dean and Constable Fraser stop by. And Professor Noblet was in his office which is not a bathroom. And in book news, Bridge opened the library. Andrew came by and talked to Bridge. No books were harmed.

Pam: Are you sure? It doesn't say so in the notes and what if they set the library on fire or something and you just misinformed the whole island.

Jim: We're the media, Pam. We're not supposed to be trusted. Or ARE we? And I am staring suspiciously at the microphone, not that you can see that. And neither can the squirrels, who are cut off.

Pam: You shouldn't piss off the squirrels. They're going to write mean things about you now, just watch.

Jim: And what's this? A note from the squirrels. Huh. It says "mean things about you now, just watch." I guess you were right.

Pam: Ha. Ha ha.

Dorms, where Jim will be crying into his pillow because of the hurtful words of spurned squirrels

Pam: Yeah, sorry, it totally said that. Maybe you shouldn't be mean to them. Anyway, it looks like River will be throwing a party tomorrow night, with glitter and partial nakedness. Everyone should go. And take pictures! This morning, Aravis had a nightmare. Probably about eating small animals. Molly did, too, but probably not about eating small animals. Adah watched Beauty -- god, whose mom hated her enough to saddle her with that name? -- figure out the phone, and Haruhi and Robin both sent email. Savannah checks with Ronan to make sure he's not mad about the whole Johnny drama. Also, there was dirty time for Troy and AJ, I think. Whooo. You guys...um, get you some.John asked Jaina if he can touch her hair. This is the guy whose turnip asked me out awhile back. John's kind of weird. And then Jaina talked to Inara about classes and her hoverboard project. Oooooooooh, hoverboard. How future-y.

Jim: Up on the third floor, Lana was making pasta. Summer wandered up talked about classes with Lana. Chris was hungry so he stopped by to chat, and then he and Summer joked around. Billy and Chris talked about how Chris thinks a girl is cute... Pam, if you would kindly go 'Ooooooh'?

Pam: Ooooooooooooooooh. That good enough?

Jim: Perfect. Thank you, Pam. Continuing with the main theme of the evening, Billy and Lana ate and talked about the new kids. Adam and his new puppy dropped in and at least one of them was fed. Anne and Chris talked... Pam, if you will?

Pam: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

Jim: Thank you, Pam. And then Anne met Lana and felt bad about not helping with the food. Also, she's polite and doesn't talk with her mouth full.

Pam: ...do you want me to 'ooh' again?

Jim: Well, being polite doesn't really call for it... But it is entertaining. Pam, if you will?

Pam: Oooooooooooooooooh.

Townies, where Jim has been kicking puppies and ripping the tags off mattresses all day!

Pam: Seriously, it says that. They hate you. Kerrigan talked to Aly at her -- Kerrigan's -- house this morning, and they talked about keeping students in line. You should ply us with sweets and stuff. Punishments suck. Negative reinforcement is bad! Also, Mr. Deadpool wanted booze and TV. Yeah. Meanwhile, speaking of Aly, Roy came back and visited her, and Rose also came back, but didn't visit her. Poor Aly, all Rose-free. Mr. Yondaime and Mr. Deadpool talked about waffle-makers. My mom has a waffle iron that makes heart-shaped waffles! They're cute. And you can put red food coloring in them! Um, anyway, Mr. Phale and Dr. Wilson had Lucifer over for dinner. Probably not to, like, eat him. ...moving on, Yitzhak opened Luke's, Gabriel was wearing his cranky pants in the church, River and Anakin worked on her ship, Lana opened Book Haven, Moist opened the post office and was stared at by Jack, and Bo opened Wonders of the World and Jack and Joanna came by.

Jim: And now, the beach. Pam, another "Ooooooh" if you will?

Pam: ......ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

Jim: Thank you, Pam. Lee was reading on the beach when Jamie Madrox walked by. Reports indicate that Lee survived. Then he met Adam and Sara the dog and talk about polka-dotted armor. Probably not for Sara the dog. AJ jogged by, Katara stopped to talk about space, Billy sauntered over and told Lee about Fandom weirdness, and Dawn told Lee all about glitter. Back to the businesses! Turtle opened Herself and Canary and was shocked -- SHOCKED -- that there was no red squishy stuff. Then Jamie stopped by to ask for Grape Judas squishy. Reports indicate that Turtle survived. Mary was at the hotel with dessert with a small helping of Aiden and Stanley. Isabel opened Pixie Dust which sounds like a drug den, Luke and Jo had a pizza date, and Sean opened the sports store where Robin wanted a skateboard and Savannah wanted a job. Leo opened the Photo Hut and Bridge, Xander, and Anders IT ALWAYS SAID ANDERS went bowling.

Pam: *pause* Do you want me to ooh?

Jim: You have to ask?

Pam: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh. Anyway, Anders started at Caritas tonight, and Robin, Cher and Mary all came by. And the clinic was quiet, as was the Devil's Nest. Oooooooooh.

Jim: And that's all the squirrels wrote. Wait. Oh, hey, they also wrote some things about what I can do to myself. It doesn't sound comfortable and I don't think I'm going to try it.

Pam: Wow, creative use of [microphone feedback], squirrels.

Jim: I just hope they mean the food that squirrels are known for storing, otherwise I'm in pain just thinking about it. ... Remember, folks, this has been top of the line, top shelf comedy.

Pam: That's all we deal in here. Really.

Jim: Seriously. Good night, Fandom!