Pam: Hey everyone, this is Pam and I'm pretty sure this week we're not pirates.

Jim: Of course not, that's silly. I'm Jim Halpert and this is WTFH news brought to you tonight by Chilly Boulder: the ice cream shop where it is fairly unlikely to be crushed by falling rocks.

Pam: But there's still like a...one in fourteen chance, right?

Jim: Let me check. *sounds of pencil writing on paper* ... Carry the one... Yep. One in fourteen. But if you survive, you can stick your head in ice cream to reduce the swelling.

Pam: And if you break your leg, I bet they have candy cane there to mix in. ...sorry, that was really bad.

Jim: This pun has been brought to you by the Fandom Park Service: providing homes for ducks since 2005. And now the news.



School news, brought to you by The Perk: your place for coffee in Fandom.

Jim: Our top story tonight is the continuing reconstruction of the school. Reports have it that Xander Harris brought disco to the construction site today. Perhaps because of the disco, Bel and Conner were joined by Stark today. Meanwhile, Anders brought Bel lunch and Conner and Bel reportedly do not dance. In other news, Bridge opened the library and Look was lukeing for... I'm sorry, LUKE was LOOKing for books on samurai. According to the Jim Decimal System, those books are filed under A for Awesome. Pam?

Pam: ....yes?

Jim: *whispers* Your turn.

Pam: *whispers back* ...when did we start cueing each other? *normal voice* Um, so, in...non-seasonal news, Aggie told her students that she has to go back to Halloweentown tonight, but it's okay, because they all got treats. Ares had his students do a demonstration of self-confidence today -- namely, they had to convince him not to smite them. In related news, half of Ares' class won't be appearing in the remainder of their workshops this week. And...back to you, Jim!

Jim: Thank you, Pam. Today in Glitter, students decorated the Danger Shop which looked like the cabins. After class, Rory Gilmore found a present waiting for her. History of Witchcraft watched movie clips today and analyzed the clips for accuracy in terms of their depiction of witches. Finally, Build a Better Fighter had a tournament. And that concludes the day in classes. I don't know about you, Pam, but I'm glad I didn't get kicked in the face during any workshops this week.

Pam: I bet that's a popular opinion, Jim. And now we go to Fred with the weather! *silence* ...it seems we're experiencing some technical difficulties with our weather feed. We'll have to check back later. Hopefully Fred hasn't been kicked in the face. Over in Principal Washburn's office, Charlie, Sokka and John stopped by, and Professor Lyman was visited by Johnny and Rikku. Jim?

Jim: After the break, we'll bring you local news from the dorms, a head out into town news, and sports. And maybe our weather feed issues will be solved by then.

*thirty seconds of silence*

Jim: Welcome back.

Dorm news, brought to you by Jeff, God of Biscuits: Would you give your soul for a biscuit? If so, stop by Jeff, God of Biscuits today!

Jim: A tragic scene in the hallway earlier when an unidentified assailant covered the innocent walls with posters advertising Teddy's birthday party this Saturday. Witnesses report Annette talking to Chad in an attempt to get gift ideas. In a related story, Johnny wondered if he had any conflicts in his social calendar. In the fifth floor common room, Roxas reported his cereal missing. Willow had some coffee. Officals have not stated whether these incidents are connected. On the fourth floor, Karal was making omlettes. He took a break to give Gavin leather pants and get help from Isabel. Isabel taught Gavin about barbeques, the silent killer, while Jaina called him out for spending so much time in her room. No blows were struck, witnesses report. And now our WTFH Call In Question, suggested by Jaina and Gavin: What makes an omlette an omlette. Call the station with your answer and you might end up on the air. Isabel discusses Anakin on the beach with Jaina, while Gavin and Luke broke eggs with textbooks. School officials remind you that books are for learning, not smashing eggs with. Jaina and Luke discuss drinks and their fear of the cooking going on, and Isabel told Luke to go to Sea World. And now here's Pam with a special report on what sea creature she would be if she were a sea creature.

Pam: I would be an otter, because they're cute and eat off their tummies. Coincidentally and not at all related to the amount you just spoke, there's a bottle of water right here on the desk if anyone wanted some.

Jim: Thank you, Pam.

Pam: You're welcome. Let's see if we can check in with Fred. *silence* Looks like it's still not up. Sorry, Fred. Just keep on hanging in there. Meanwhile, Luke and KAral make a wise choice and don't take hot pepper in their water, and Billy talked to Luke about Glitter. Setsuna filled Isabel in on what she has been doing for the last few weeks, and to hear more about that, tune in at eleven for a followup story! Setsuna and Gavin discussed brownies in the meanwhile, and Karal noticed her injury. Billy explained how one can be up without being awake, and revealed that he, unlike Adam, is not a morning person. And then this evening, Ronan made breakfast. Yes, you heard correctly. Breakfast in the evening.

Jim: This segment is brought to you by bottled water. It's refreshing. Back to the news, Raphael left town, Isabel paid Aravis a visit. Aravis braided Isabel's hair while Isabel fixed Aravis's clothes. In animal news, Teddy is a dog, Chad found him, and Dawn talked to Scout. This has been animal news. Back to the humans, Annette was in Dick and Jim's room. In a related story, I was not in Dick and Jim's room room. We have no information on if any of my stuff is missing, but it better not be or else. Peter Petrelli and Isabel returned from the barbeque - more on that later. Pam?

Pam: And after we pause for station ID, we'll be bringing you all the news from town, and hopefully get in touch with Fred who may or may still be alive.

*silence for thirty seconds*

Pam: Welcome back.

Town news, brought to you by Progressive Numbers, Incorporated, where...I'm not really sure what that is, but it sounds like there's math

Pam: In exciting news, the post office, bookstore, hotel, and magic box thingie were all open today. Turtle opened Turtle and Canary, and Mary, John, Charlie, Marco, Robin and Sokka all stopped in. Charlie opened Groovy Tunes and was visited by Annette and Dean. No word yet from Fred the possibly deceased weatherman. And now Jim with the sports!

Jim: The NBA Draft was tonight. In a surprising move, Ray Allen was traded from the Seattle Supersonics to the Boston Celtics. No word from his new teammate, Allan Ray, at this time. And now back to town news. There was a barbeque on the beach. As expected, there was food. Turtle talked to Charlie while cooking, Molly and Karal had some food, Charlie and Karal caught up, Charlie and Adam agree to beat each other up, Adam thanked Turtle for inviting him, and Johnny and Charlie talked about scholarships. Breaking the trend of speaking, Annette waved at Turtle. Charlie talked to Isabel and Dean, Dean's eating habits were questioned by Isabel and Sam. Charlie and Sam talked, Chad showed John "Hurricane" Sheppard his recently transformed dogfriend, and that's the tip of the iceberg of talking. Pam?

Pam: Moving on through the fire, Adam and Annette talked about the upcoming break -- something I think we're all excited about. Charlie gave Robin a CD, and Chad complimented him on the music. Charlie and Annette talked about birthdays. An exciting topic! Birthdays are so rare. Not everyone gets one. Johnny proved that he's apparently not always a jerk by apologizing to Annette, who gave Leo a hug and talked to John about getting called into the principal's office. Meanwhile, Karal and Molly talked powers and workshops, and Chad introduced Charlie to his dogfriend.

Jim: Peter Petrelli met Charlie and then there was a fire. It got under control, though, and nobody was hurt. That brings us to tonight's Jim Halpert Thinks. Tonight I think that if Fred had given us some rain instead of probably being drunk in a ditch somewhere and refusing to tell us the weather, we might not have even had that flare up. Back to the news. Charlie was freaked out and Peter tried to calm her down. Isabel, Billy, Adam, Johnny, and Turtle all checked up on her. It's good to see that so many of our fellow students are so caring, isnt it, Pam?

Pam: It gives me hope that if someday, I set myself on fire, others will come running. In the clinic this morning, Dr. Wilson and Mr. Aziraphale talked about last night and there was innuendo and...I'm sorry I think my brain just vacated the premises because teachers, ick. Sorry! Just...um, in other medical news, Doogie watched the news in the clinic this evening, and on the self-medicating front, Caritas was empty except for Tino and Eve, and Neil was all alone in the Devil's Nest! Any word from Fred, Jim?

Jim: Yes, Pam, but it's a word I can't say on the air.

Pam: Just the one word? Or a string?

Jim: Just the one repeated several times. Oh, what's this? I believe we have some late breaking news! Up on the fifth floor earlier, Ronan told Adam that he cooks a lot and Johnny that cooking
makes him happy. Johnny and Adam reflected on time flying, Ronan met Naomi, and then he told Anders about fireworks.

Pam: At the barbecue, Billy, Leo and Robin found the food, and Leo lounged while Billy hung out in the shallows. And to wrap our news segment, Rikku and Jaina both made contact with their homes. And that's it.

Jim: Join us tomorrow on WTFH as Professor Mal Doran brings us the news you need to go into the weekend. This has been Jim Halpert, for Pam Beesly, saying good night, Fandom.

Pam: And on behalf of Fred the weatherman, who undoubtedly won't be allowed on the air anymore, goodnight and take care, Fandom.