Pam: Hi, everyone, it's Pam again, and Jim's here too, in case you want the news of what's happening way up in the stratosphere.

Jim: Today in the stratosphere there were clouds. Next I think we should do the news down on the ground.

Pam: You'll have to ask someone who spent their day way down against the dirt, as I can only tell you what happened about five feet and two inches above the ground, and I demand accuracy.

Jim: Luckily we had squirrels taking notes of everything going on that low to the ground. I understand that things were pretty nutty down there during lunch. Wait, I'm sorry, the squirrels had nuts for lunch. Fortunately the squirrels also took notes for things that happened between the ground and sky.

Pam: Oh, good. I wonder what'd happen if the squirrels actually decided no more notes for us. Not the whole radio staff. Just us. I'd blame you, personally, if that happened.

Jim: That's fair because the squirrels have prophecized that I will one day destroy their culture. I promise that won't happen. And now one of those squirrels is looking at me funny, so let's get this started.



School, where some classes make you wear suits.

Jim: The day started with Vice Principal Hades announcing musical accompaniment. At the construction site, Xander and Bel have the time of their lives. Later, Anders brought Bel lunch. It was probably beans. They're the musical fruit, after all. How to Be Awesome met today and we had to suit up. The Awesome teacher, Professor Stinson, disgruntled some people by assuming all the females in the class were lesbians. Well, girls, maybe you wouldn't be so disgruntled if you kissed each other each and every time Professor Stinson made you angry. And if this works, I demand extra credit! Anyway, Andrew noted Willows notes before we all had to describe our experience with women.

Pam: I think our listeners want to hear what you shared with the class. It'll make for a richer radio experience.

Jim: Well, my answer might change if I managed to convince any girls to kiss each other when Professor Stinson makes them mad, so I'll hold off on that for now, thank you. Before the suits were off, Rikku talked to the prof and Andrew is deemed the awesome TA. That's awesome, Andrew. Truly awesome.

Pam: That's...yeah, that's an adjective that could be used. I don't really know what else to comment on about whether 'awesome' fits. In the gun class, Anders both seemed sad and talked to Charlie before everyone introduced themselves and demonstrated. Then in Flight and Flying, they also did the intro thing, then took turns crashing and fake-dying and racing. The TA, Rory, brought Luke's dad some coffee which sounds a lot like what I used to do as Mr. Lyman's TA. Maybe that's all it really means to be someone's assistant. Coffee-fetcher. Anyway, Jaina talked to Mr. Skywalker about her trip home, and Ane-- Anemi-- I hate this name. That person whose name I can't say and don't make fun of me talked to him about not being human, and Rikku thanked him before he got a phone call.

Jim: History of Witchcraft featured introductions, Anders and Phoebe hearing music, and Eve questioning the music. Practical Applications met and two people were interesting in the TA position. There's only one way to solve that. Steel cage death match. Get on it. And rounding off the school day, the cafeteria was busy with everyone hearing music. AJ, Annette, and Andrew all heard music. Annette and AJ talked about the music. Unfortunately they didn't do it through interpretive dance.

Pam: If they had, I would have requested a creative reenactment from you, which probably wouldn't translate well to our listeners, as this is not a visual medium.

Dorms, where there is a song in everyone's hearts. And ears. And brains, because a lot of these are earwormy.

Pam: So Chad started the day by embracing the weird music thing and singing along while making omelettes. Then Johnny -- the one I don't like, watch me clarify -- showed up and he and Chad look around for singing robots. Wouldn't it be funny if that's what it was? John Sheppard, sans turnip, also stopped by to help find and destroy the robots of musical doom. Meanwhile, in the third floor common room, Lucas -- hi Lucas! -- had pizza for breakfast and watched nineties TV. Claire stopped by and was all impressed at his intelligence, because yeah, and talked to Zack about sex ed. Claire, don't listen to anything he has to say about butterflies. Seriously. She also chatted with River and Donatello. Lucas also told Zack that after the Jerries, he's not weirded out by Fandom teachers anymore and I still want to know why those guys were allowed to TEACH. Then they listened to Cher. Probably not on purpose. Zack also told River he'll help with her spaceship, and then he kissed Donatello to make the singing stop. Um. No word on whether that worked. River also assured Donatello that she wouldn't let him kill her, and she and Lucas discussed Zeke's clothes on Rescued by the Alarm. I like his phone, too. And finally, Mel came in with a kind of badass theme song, and Lucas decided to withhold pizza until everyone just let the eighties die in peace. I completely agree, because wow. That is a lot of bad music.

Jim: Henry dealt with music while playing with swords, Billy dealt with music while playing with guns, and River dealt wiith music while dancing. Evie and Troy met and danced with River on the roof and I think that's a good choice. I'd rather not be around armed people who are distracted by music, so dancing was a very good call. Dick dealt with the music with loud action films. Andrew stopped by and they talked about the Awesome workshop, and then Hermione asked if the television could be any louder. I suspect the answer was yes. Dean had the same idea as Dick to drown out the music, but Dawn was impressed that he had
good music following him. And then Sam's arrival means that Dean's soundtrack switched to that classic, "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." And I'd like to take a moment point out that Sam was the second person on the Blue Team who was ordered to take off their pants during the game on Sunday, which I think gives me even more credibility in Awesome class.

Pam: And if you were good players, you would have both removed them as ordered and possibly have won instead of co-losing. Anyway, Karal and Gavin visited River with accompanying music, and Cedric brought Jack his plant back. I don't think that's a euphemism. I hope it isn't. Raphael had the Spice Girls blasted at him, and man, no one deserves that. Dick told Annette about his robot, Sparkles, and now I'm a little concerned about Dick not dirty. Mel and Zuko had flaily music, which I think is a reference to dance styles? And Aravis showed Karal her new puppy. ...Isn't that the girl who we routinely report eating small animals? Poor puppy. Hermione woke up to music, and Sabriel thought it meant an attack. AJ thought it was actually Troy, and Sabriel came by to ask if he was someone named Rex Manning. Dawn and Sam woke up to very feminine music, and Savannah asked Chris out. Ami and Sakurazaki, Bridge, Anders, John Sheppard, Anne, Bart and Andrew Will and Teddy, The girl whose name I can't say, and Alec all went oh em gee double-ewe tee eff at their music. Ronan made a little barrier for River in her room, Naminé sketched on the beach and Valentine came back, and then they were adorable back at the dorms. Everyone loves a happy ending, right? Except Isabel, who was sad, Rikku, who was also sad, and Jack, who was drunk. But Seely was dorky and his puppy-eating girlfriend laughed at him, and I'll chuck that in the happy endings pile.

Jim: And it's even happier because no puppies died for her hunger today.

Town, where things happen. That should be the town motto, I swear.

Jim: Big surpirse, music is the theme today. First, though, and my notes do not state that there was any music, Willow and Mel hung out in a graveyard nd discussed dating kinds. Sokka opened the post office to the sound of music and Naminé came in to send something off. Naminé then opened Cafe Fina where Jeff and Turtle got some food before Lumiere's return. Wilson, Aziraphale, and Lucifer dealt with music in the park, Leo opened Photo Hut, Charlie opened Groovy Tunes, and Gabriel opened the church. Setsuna and Ami got away from the music by camping in the Preserve. Okay, I don't know that they went camping to get away from the music. And I don't know if it worked. But it sounds good, so I'm going with it. Over at everyone's favorite store run by a teenager, Turtle & Canary, Jeff asked Turtle out, Mary brought cookies, and Charlie delvered an invite. Jeff proved that karma is a bad word and saw his dog crap on his shoe in the park. I can only hope that he got that cleaned up before he crossed paths with Annette. And if you could read what I was saying, I'd be very clever by making you read that Millie opened Book Haven and that Mary stopped by to chat. But you can't, so you're just going to have to deal with being told that.

Pam: Speaking of Mary, she wasn't sure where the music was coming from and dealt with it twice. Who is? I mean, aside from the boys who thought it was robots. Mr. Cooper decided he wasn't crazy, and I'm glad to hear that, sir, since I can't learn scouty things from a crazy man. John Connor paced at the hotel, and Mr. Deadpool argued with his music and had a cupcake, which is a good solution to everything, really. Mr. Skywalker and Rory met up on the beach and...kissed, and very suddenly this is not at all comparable to my own TA experience anymore. Mr. Rogers -- not that one -- argued with his soundtrack too. In the clinic, Dr. Wilson cleaned and Dr. Howser had Love Shack blasted at him. Poor guy.

Jim: Finishing up with the local drunk people, we'll look at Caritas first because that's where Phoebe and Tino were playing quarters. Prue came by and ordered a drink and harm to The Eagles while Troy was having a good day. Jack winked at Tino and talked to Lana about keeping her company. Jack turned out to be quite the busy boy tonight because he also talked to Phoebe about controlling the random music and Isabel wanted to talk to him in private, proving that they are both spies. Bel showed up, of course, and Isabel talked to him about wanting to injure a teacher. And if she was thinking of Professor Stinson, please, Isabel, consider my advice. Everyone would appreciate it, I'm sure. Bel and Phoebe talked and did other things with their mouths, and Anders just wanted the music to stop. Lana and Phoebe tried to stop the music with shots, while Anders complained about his music. And Squall just wanted booze. And at The Devil's Nest, Jerry Lee Lewis was the source of audio puns.


Pam: And...that's it. And we didn't have random music play at us! Go us!

Jim: Thanks for dooming us.

Music: It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine...

Pam: ...sorry. At least it's not Cher. Night, everyone!

Music: If I could turn back time...