WTFH

...one of these days I'm going to make a nice pair of gloves out of you.

*chittering*

Yeah, well, bite me.

So. The latest episode of Facassandra was going on at the library, despite Face's attempt to take a nap. Over at the dorms, Sparkle played with his --

*frantic chittering*

...cat. You thought I was going to say something else there, didn't you? I'll admit, it was tempting.

Hanna fed Velcro -- I'm assuming that's the cat -- some cheese and ended up adopting him. Wait, do I get a say in this? Sparkle also talked to Flick about their plans for the future and waking up with boobs, which is awesome, for the record. And Cecil gave Sparkle the present of glitter before he left, which I guess is appropriate.

Sparkle made the rounds in town as well, waking Atton from a nap so they can discuss haircuts and jello. At the park, there was a graduation brunch going on. Isabelle got complimented by Flick's mother, Beth, and Bob had a talk with Isabelle's dad about where classes rank in her priorities. Izzy's dad tried to be intimidating to Flick, to little effect. Obviously Daddy doesn't know this place very well.

So now that graduation's out of the way, how about a party for those of us who probably failed all their finals and really don't care? Who's in?

What the hell is with all the kids running around? Ugh. So messy and gross. Just keep 'em away from me, OK? I don't do kids. At all.

Over at the library, Face was there with his daughter, who bonded with Cassandra, which was a good thing I guess?

Vidar made pancakes in the fourth floor common room. No reports of him being swarmed by a horde of hungry rugrats, so consider that a win.

More breakfast was available in town at Hannibal's house, though apparently one of the sprogs was helping him cook, so if anyone got sick, there's your reason. Eww. Karla thanked Hannibal for babysitting, and JJ, whoever that is, had coffee and helped with breakfast, too. There was also snarking over breakfast between Atton and Tebb at MCA as well.

All right, these are some kids I can get behind. Spike, Joey, and Ada took over the Chilly Boulder with smoke bombs and physical violence, then offered all you can eat ice cream. You go, tiny criminals, you go. Mara wasn't going to allow her son Ben to taste every flavor, but he did manage to get every variety of chocolate. Karla confused people by recognizing Ben when she shouldn't? Don't ask me. She also brought her spawn in for ice cream, and there was shipping of Spike and Della. Unless Spike is a girl, we're going to have to go with Spella for the ship name, if you know what I mean.

Ada teased Spike about his -- and there's your answer -- crush on Della and gleefully told their brother Joey about it, then they crank call people with Eliot's phone. Then they all had to fast-talk Eliot about just what was going on there. Emma was "attacked" by Dorian, who apparently is her brat with Jack.

At the Magic Box, Anders had a special for magical families. Nathan brought in Leo to visit, and Anders taught him some card games. Alana was waved at by a winged rugrat -- skyrat? -- which I'm sure wasn't freaky at all. Ichabod was in need of caffeine, and he and his kid Elizabeth met Alana and Ruby, which is apparently the skyrat's name.

Flick did not order a daughter with his muffin at JGOB, but he apparently got one. Barry tried to figure out where the kids came from, probably so he can send back Annabelle and Jeremy, his sprog with Elsa. Momoko and Jaime grilled their son JJ -- assuming that isn't literally -- about his world, something something de-aged Jaime. Dinah informed everyone she didn't have any kids this year -- wait...this happens every year?

And finally, something I can really applaud: Allie apparently left someone a voicemail message and lied about having kids, resulting in a frantic call back. Well played.

Now I'm going to go barricade myself in my room until this plague is over.

I know, I know, I'm late. I'm not feeling well. Maybe I need to go to the clinic after all. For some reason I'm feeling unbearably...chipper today. It's not natural. It's not right.

*chittering*

I know, right? I can't even threaten you right now. I want to go back to my room and fling open the windows and clean or something. Please, just kill me now.

*snicker-chittering*

All right, so what's going on today? Breaking news: teddy bear assaults are on the rise. Ronan and Eliot were both victims. When will this reign of terror end?

The clinic was open for any who needed it, complete with Stark's cookies and tea, which Drac got to enjoy. Anders was watching adorable cat videos at the Magic Box, while Atton was cranky at the Perk. Kathy and Nikolai met up for ice cream, Nikolai's treat, and he asked her about what item she was stupid enough to buy from that stupid store.

*chittering*

Yeah, yeah, I was stupid enough, too.

Nikolai and Eliot discussed the wisdom of getting out of this place, and Kathy apologized for stealing Eliot's harddrive. Allie joined the ranks of the teddy bear ambushed while Parker checked out her form. Over at Caritas, Irene was another teddy bear victim. While she insisted she wants nothing to do with the bear -- a feeling I can get behind -- Kitty thought it was adorable. Tony and Kitty discussed different versions of themselves -- I'm not sure what that means and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know, do I? Jessica bought Tony a drink while they swapped alien invasion stories, and Clint was not a teddy bear fan, either, but Kitty wanted to keep it. Run, Clint, run.

So that's it for today, and now I'm going to go take a walk in the sunshine because it's a beautiful day out and oh god just kill me now.

*chittering*

Yeah, yeah, I'm late. I told you I'm not a morning person. Bite me, okay?

Our long national nightmare is over, and Face was back in the library. And Cassandra was there, doing her best meta for Carrie imitation, as she seemed to be covered in blood. Blood is the new black, trust me on this one.

Breaking news from town: General Buttercup had a nightmare. The squirrels do not mention if Hannibal was there to make it all better. Stiles was at the mansion and apparently peed on Derek's bed or something since it says "marking territory" in the notes here. Eliot was working on some project, while Parker reported that the missing hard drive was taken by aliens. Maybe they needed it to phone home, Eeeeel-iiiii-ooooot.

Sia enjoyed coffee at the Perk yesterday. Anders was at work at the Magic Box, where he told Nathan something something going back to the Circle something something Cassandra and maybe that's why she's covered with blood? I don't know, the squirrels weren't very specific here. Needful Things was open -- I still have to check out that place -- and Leland told Pinkie that business was good. Pinkie's looking for...leg things. Whatever floats your boat, cupcake. Elsa came in and looked at some jewelry, and Joker seems to be moving better than usual today, which I guess means the squirrels are watching his ass. Wouldn't surprise me.

*chittering*

I don't know. I haven't looked. You, however, my pervy little friends....

*chittering*

Uh huh. Sure. Anyway, that's it and I'm out.

...really, guys? You woke me up for this?

Well, let's see if I can get this out in one breath. No notes about the library, so the on-going saga of Face and Cassandra has left us hanging another week. The dorms were quiet except for my cruise roomie Travis checking email and playing games. In town, Anders was in a good mood at the magic shop, Stark had muffins instead of cupcakes at the clinic -- and you wouldn't believe how much this squirrel here is clutching its pearls about that -- and finally, Mike and Tamsin were having breakfast in bed, and by breakfast, I mean each other. Bow chicka bow wow.

People, do something more scandalous next week so I can at least feel justified about getting up at this ungodly hour of 8AM.

*chittering*

Look, I don't want to talk about it, okay? You're lucky I got back in time to do this broadcast. Now just give me the notes so I can get this done.

Okay. So Sunday, which means Face was manning the library. Which means Cassandra was there, this time wanting a "fulfilling" lesson about computers. Which would involve internet porn.

And of course the squirrels were in my room -- uninvited as usual -- and got to see me come back. Yes, the stupid roses pulled me into another dimension for two weeks. Which is not the weirdest thing to ever happen to me. My roommate Hanna was there to fill me in on what I missed. And Amy dropped by to agree with me that flowers are evil. And complain about the temperature, and....

*Carmilla's voice trails off, and there's radio silence for a few moments until there's some annoyed chittering*

What? Oh, right. Sorry, mind kind of wandered there. Anyway, Ronan was listening to loud music in his room. And probably watching porn.

*chittering*

I do not have a one track mind.

In town, General Buttercup was over at Hannibal's house, and since the squirrels didn't give me any details, I'm going to guess that that involved sex. Go you getting some, General Buttercup! And finally, over at the Magic Box, Anders was reading a book about sex magic. Be careful with that -- I've seen enlargement spells get out of control fast, and there's nothing scarier than walking down the hall and all of a sudden coming at you is a tracter-trailor sized --.

*chittering*

So I'll just leave you with whatever mental image that conjures up for you. Happy Monday, Fandom.

Good morning, Fandom! This is Carmilla with all the forced cheerfulness I can muster at this hour of the morning bringing you your daily "news." And just in case you can't hear them, there were air quotes around news.

No classes yesterday, but the library was open, and Cassandra returned the latest chapter of the scandalous young-adult-fantasy-smut novel she's been reading. She also complained to Face about his display of marine biology and the lack of information about flying eels or something.

The dorms were far, far too quiet, and that may need to be remedied with a slumber party. Girls only, sorry, boys. The only sign of life was apparently Mara watching the Miss Universe pageant and probably being scarred for life by some of those National costumes. Canada gets the win for Most Double-U Tee Eff, but I'm disappointed Austria was so understated. Get on that next year, Austria.

*chittering*

What do you care about tangents? You're making me do this, so I do it my way. Anyway, Ronan, aka Grumpy Cat, popped in, and Mara tells him she's on to his using sarcasm and being annoying as a defense mechanism, not that there is anything wrong about that.

In town, Four and Sia went on a laser tag date where the loser had to buy waffles. What they did with said waffles was not reported -- don't assume they were for eating -- so get on that, squirrels. Stark made snowmen cupcakes for the nurses at the clinic. And last but not least, Hannibal and General Buttercup had a dinner date and impromptu therapy session. Do we get the details in class Friday during the usual sharing session?

That's it. Try to be more exciting next Sunday, people. Or I'm going to have to really start making crap up.

You know, I've been listening to the radio, and I thought it was some sort of inside joke about the squirrels dragging people into the station. And then just as I am trying to go to sleep this morning, I was accosted by a group of them, and now here I am. Well, I've been rudely awakened up by worse things.

*chittering*

...how do I understand what you're saying? Never mind, don't answer that. And I'm not telling you what's woken me up. So you just want me to read these notes, right? Hand 'em over.

Wow, you've got pretty good handwriting for squirrels.

*pleased chittering*

All right. Morning, Fandom, this is Carmilla bringing you all the breaking news from yesterday. ( Hold on to your seats. )

So that's it. Can I go to bed now?

*chittering*

No, I don't have classes today. What's it to you? Word of warning, though, wake me up again and you may not like the consequences. I am not a morning person.

*chittersnort*

Whatever. If I bite your head off, don't go crying to the dean. Now how do I turn this of--.