WTFH

Hey dorks! It's Lilly Kane, holed up in the Crow's Nest with a bottle of windex and an extra pair of handcuff keys. I guess that phone call I got last Friday about the grape jelly and bondage at the radio station was actually just a prank. Bummer. Anyway, here we go, a full report on what you've been up to all day long when not, you know, 'waxing your spaceships' and 'polishing your weaponry' and 'massaging your fireballs of doom', or whatever the hell it is you people do behind closed doors.

Blah, Blah Blah. Class, and No One Cares.

I seriously deserve a bottle of rum for even reading these feeds.

For those of you who are in Driver's Ed with Dr. O-Face, you actually got to sit in a real car! Maybe by finals you'll get to set the radio stations all by yourselves! In Speech 301, everyone played Pictionary except Jack who skipped. Who's the professor of that class, Milton Bradley? Wait, don't answer that. Math classes apparently talked about their favorite numbers. And there was free cereal. Why didn't anyone tell me to sign up for math? The most excellent righteous teacher dude, Ted, held class for Music of the Multiverse, and the students discussed... well, the multiverse, I guess. Celtic Studies tried to speak some language that may or may not be Gremlin. Forensics class with Ms. Sidle talked about Homicide. Hi, why am I not teaching that class? Put me on the faculty if you want an expert on homicide. Here's the lesson, getting murdered totally blows. The End.

Journalistic Integrity, also known as Oxymoron 101, talked about privacy issues, under the watchful eye of the teacher that can't even keep her glasses on straight. Creepy British lady, I mean, Lovely Rita, Skeeter Maid, also taught Journalism 101 and 201, with the helpful lesson that the words in bold on a newspaper are important.

And oh my god, one of the Gremlin Busters hit on Skeeter. Okay, one, gross. Okay, two, he apparently offered to help her trap ghosts, which is SO NOT OKAY. Okay, three, just no.

Cultivation and Gardening planted seeds. Umm, okay, probably not the kind of seeds people are actually interested in. US Government talked about Democracy, which seems reasonable enough, although I don't see how Lyman got hired pushing free will and all that, considering our current principal. Maybe Smith thinks he's cute too. Not that I think Lyman's cute, because I don't. At all. And last but not least, Art, with unfortunate facial hair yet still strangely alluring in that tunic-y thing guy. Everyone was given a partner and they had to do their partner's portrait. Sadly, there's no indication they are also working on the nudes section of the course.

Dr. Pierson, who I also do not find foxy in any way whatsoever, had office hours and his harem apparently didn't show. That's a shame. Well, that I didn't stop by anyway. Dr. Grissom held office hours too, and apparently made Marty write an essay just because he missed class. Yikes. Gil, baby, you need to learn how to relax.

Pip stopped by Professor Carter's office hours. Smith got totally pranked by a few kids who left a golf cart on his... desk... wait a minute. My golf cart better still be parked outside, or I am going to punish some freshmen, and not in the fun way. ZORDON, GREEK GOD OF TUBES's office got taken over by a sit-in. Because apparently the students in Quantum Theory accidentally threw us back to 1968 while I was sleeping through class today. The Office was open for various office-y needs.

Our administration is also a little microphone happy. Principal Please Don't Kill Me, (Again) oppressed pirates, gremlins, spunky cute girls, sailors, and umm.. Anders, all in one announcement, and shared with us that he likes snickerdoodles. Great, another cannibal faculty member. Tubes McGee yelled at John for leaving his alphabet magnets next to his Nintendo or something, and Archie and Anders for squabbling like little girls. Sadly, they didn't argue shirtless, so I'll be quickly moving on. Vice Principal Lush made a lot of announcements that vaguely condemned pranking, in a completely unironic manner I am sure. And Principal Scary Man gave Pip and Walter detention, but I think they actually deserved it, unlike my boy Barbossa, who got majorly screwed by the man in the detention lottery.

Janet opened the library today, and not that monkey guy. I'm pretty sure Angel was hitting on Janet, Janet and Parker told Lee to put his head between his legs and think of England, Zero stopped by with her band, which is awesome. I've only managed to land the bass player and the drummer at the same time. Izzie brought Janet cookies for being groovy, I guess. Rory Gilmore met the band as well, but probably only made OMGJUSTFRIENDS with them, and finally, Molly got a library card. Yeah. I've got nothing.

People also ate lunch in the cafeteria, which is psychotic in and of itself. Pip chatted with Paige and Victor, who then chatted with Pippi, and then Duo showed up. They talked about... whatever, and then Crichton gave Angel dating advice. Ha, ha ha.


The Dorms. Where the Magic Happens.

Hmm. If you want to bake Principal Smith a pie, you can do that on Sunday on the 3rd floor. I'm pretty sure they're not kidding, but don't quote me.

In unimportant Student Council news, Phoebe, Bridge, Isabel, and Peter, a/k/a the Big Fat Virgin Ticket, Alanna, Pip and Pippi, a/k/a the Pip-Pip-Pooray Ticket, and Victor all hung up more posters that totally sucked compared to my posters, which obviously rule. And because Student Council can also be hazardous for your health, Maia ripped down Phoebe's posters. See, what did I tell you people? Vote for me because I'm already dead, and therefore guaranteed to serve a full term.

In 'Save the Gremlins News', because I know all of you are such huge fans, Blair campaigned all over the place for Gremlin Rights. His bra-burning did not stop the The Gremlin Busters from roasting, toasting, and otherwise blowing gremlins to smithereens. You will notice I stayed the hell away from the scary men in jumpsuits before I ended up served on a stick in a fondue restaurant.

In save the drama for your mama news, Gil and Ms. Sidle had a fight, and then made up. He really needs to start listening to my relationship advice. Mac and Izzie baked, yet I am cookie-less right now, so what's up with that, Mac? I totally haunted you for over a year. Give a girl some snacks. Marty Blank and his chicken bum-rushed 239/240, and just moved on in without the occupants being, you know, aware. And yet, that guy has a girlfriend, and I can't get my boyfriend to return my calls.

Wait, sweet, Angela is gone for the weekend. So me and Blank are tied, 0-0. Phoebe is a gremlin-lovah. Liz and Cam went for a run, and talked about the elections. Let me give you a hint, I'm the best candidate. Zero filled in her friends about Han and other useful knowledge. Which I guess would be don't mess with zombies, or the Principal, or swim in the pool. Kawalsky strutted around in a towel, and I sadly didn't get his number or pictures. Jake did his homework. Someone get that boy a coffee, and give him a hug.

In super sekrit mission news, Duo is out of town as well. Ivanova slept. Ummm... cool, I guess. Xander and Blair talked about, stuff. That didn't involve Xander having a crush on me, or 'giving me a Twinkie', so yawn. Jack was totally busted for sleeping through class, but he still has my admiration. Sakura hoped the punch would be spiked later at the dance, proving she is my kind of girl. Jaye squeed like a wee, little girl at Archie coming over for a date. Jaye, there is no shame in squeeing over a hot sailor boy. Embrace it, dollface. And Cam and Vala, who are so cute I can't even hate on them, probably did some sexing.

In 'package' news, besides not slipping Bel the tongue, Kiki delivered. Chiana got a dress, Lyta got movie tickets, and Isabel got coffee. Jessica also received an angel bear. If only the afterlife was that cool. And the Kiki gave Yuffie candy. Obviously meant for Bel.


Fun Time with Dr. Wilson who I don't think is sexy at all

Down at the clinic, Dr. Wilson ran his hands through his adorable little mop of hair and helped out all sorts of sick and pathetic people. Blair stopped by, being ridiculously emo about the gremlins, and Wilson hooked him up with some Rx and TLC. Chiana stopped by with a blood donation, and I'm sure Wilson was kind and understanding about her blood being totally freaky. Paige stopped by to work, and Wilson did not sexually harass her. Dr. Grissom stopped by, and Wilson probably gave him bug porn to read while he was there. Wilson also let Alanna play with a puppy. No, shut up. He has a puppy too? I might be dead from the cute. And Wilson also got a phone call from House in Michigan, and knowing Wilson, he totally accepted the collect charges. And then sent the operator flowers.

Not that I harbor any dirty thoughts for Dr. Wilson. Because I don't.

Town, That Place That's Even Weirder Than School

There's a sale at Wonka's Shoppe going on, but sadly not one next door at Blood Gulch Arms, where the owner fought with a duck instead of selling any weapons. I guess if you are going to fight ducks, you might as well be heavily armed. At the park, Kiki and Bel sadly do not make out. Not that they ever have, or anything like that. I didn't hear anything about them making out at all. At the Emporium, Miho bought cookies, and balloons. For water. Heh. Victor stopped by for groceries, and boy advice. Awwwww. Pippi bought the best skirt ever and freaked out Michael, and Han stopped by as well.

Oh hey, Tex, when not wrestling with innocent birdlife, hung out with dreamy Dr. Wilson in the park. Neither probably watched Bel and Kiki make out in the park. Because they have never made out. Hmmm. And Kiki later showed up at the Perk and didn't make out with Crowley. Also, there was apparently some bad mojo in the park, because Phoebe was attacked by some really mean dudes.

And who saved the day? That would be Dr. Wilson.

The Dance I Didn't Plan, and Therefore It Obviously Sucked

A punk band? Seriously. Ick. Anyway, sound check went well, I guess, because no one ended up at the Clinic with bleeding ears or extra piercings. Which probably made the chaperones happy. The Tick, Josh Lyman, who I don't think is hot, Vice Principal Drunky McBooze-Alot, and Auto - I can't pronounce that were all there, as were various other chaperones, like Dr. O-Face, and Dean Washburn keeping an eye on VP 151.

As for the dance, at the punchbowl, everyone and their mother stayed away from the scary punk band. Rory and Parker hung out, as did Rory and Alanna. Jack stopped by for sadly unspiked beverages and to hang out with Parker before they spent the entie weekend together in New York. Fishy. No one was harmed when Alanna met Pippi, in the miracle of all miracles. Peter also met Alanna, innocently talked to Rory, yeah right, and Aeryn. Frankly, she scares me, so moving on. Vala, Cam, Parker, Pippi, and Pip drank some juice, and didn't form a band, but Parker, Pippi, and Pip is a great band name. Vala checked in on Isabel, with Isabel being new and all. Awww, cute.

Shep and Pippi talked, and I am starting to think there may be two Pippis, because that girl gets around more than I do. And Pip hung out with Shep and Chiana. I'm starting to get a little freaked out. Chloe marveled at the new, bad-ass Lana. Bridge and Kawalsky, and later Xander and Molly talked about boring crap. Jaye and Archie were so adorable my teeth hurt reading this feed. Jessica had some non-Jesus juice and conversation as well.

Janet showed later, obviously smart enough to avoid non-spiked punch, and Cam and Vala rocked out. When the D-Bunnies covered The Ramones, Chi and Pip, and Pippi, Walter, and Victor did something that I think was supposed to be dancing. Kara and Lee also started making out like the drunk, little space kids that they are, and Callisto and Angel rubbed up on each other's grills.

And finally the punch was in fact, spiked! Amateurs! My lovely ex-boyfriend, while not trying to squire his new conquest, hung out with, and you have a fifty/fifty shot, here, Pip. And lots of other people hit the sauce too, Shep, Lana, Han, and yup, Pippi and Pip.

Of course, everyone looked to hide under the bleachers so that they could be raunchy. Typical. Sakura and Ed did not make out, but Angel did pinch Callisto's butt. He seriously has no concern for his personal safety. As for my concern with my personal safety, John and Aeryn were there too, and that's all I am going to say about that.

OKAY, nerds! That's it. Considering my BFF and half of everyone else I know is currently in New York, buying me presents if they have any sense, I'm going home and going to bed. Alone. Well, with Backup, but even I have standards.

Peace out, and remember condoms are your friends. Goodnight, Fandom!

[OOC: I LOVE EVERYONE, ZOMG! Except Rita, who is an impossible act to follow. Happy Friday the 13th, be true to your school, and an extra swat on the bum for the radio staff. LOVE!]