Pam: Hello, everyone! This is Pam, and I'd like to take a moment to thank you all for voting for me and Jim. Without us, where would you get your terribly classy and highbrow humor?


Jim: This is Jim and I can burp the alphabet. But Pam can do it backwards. Show them.

Pam: Please, like I'm showing off our top-shelf material this early?


Jim: Good point. Why start with the burping when we can end on it?



Pam: Exactly. Oh, hey, look. Notes.




School, where there was a lot of swearing today, wow


Pam: Ethics talked about the golden rule, and wow, Ino was kind of dumb and fell asleep in class. Everyone else made with the discussion though, like good students. I've totally never fallen asleep in class. Ever. Communication was...educational today, because this guy Jay came in and said a whole bunch of stuff that I'm pretty sure I can't actually say on the air. It was...wow. Yeah. I wasn't the only one going WTF -- SEE HOW I ABBREVIATED, JAY? -- and we all got to insult each other.


Jim: US History talked about the Puritans, who would never abide by that kind of language. Or insults. Or hats. For extra credit that didn't exist, AJ wanted to know about the history of ninjas in America while John "Thunderbolt" Sheppard studied airplanes. Fandom Invasions talked about special events and I think it would be really special if ninjas and airplanes both invaded and fought each other. Students head about alien invasions, were attacked by Jello dragons, and experienced the thirst-quenching terror of the Kool-Aid Man. There weren't any TAs, but there was a professor ready to answer questions which is almost as good. And in the library, Bridge was there and he and Anders showed off their hair colors.



Pam: In the cafeteria, Shawn ate, and in terms of office hours, Yondaime was visited by Adah, and Aly got coffee from Professor Lyman. Aww.



Jim: They're so cute we should give them one of those namesquish things. And it works so well with them. Alyman. Also, if Aly ever became a male superhero, it would work for that, too.



Pam: But since we're using her first name, we should use his, too. Alosh? Jaly? Joshly!



Jim: Joly! Can we add another "l" to make it "Jolly"? Then it would be like Christmas everytime they flirted. And we would get presents because we came up with it.

Pam: There could be carols dedicated to them! Sure, some couples have a song, but how many have carols?



Jim: Four. Santa and Mrs Claus, Mary and Joseph, Santa and Mommy, and now Jolly. Congratulations!

Pam: There's also Santa and the lady who wants all that stuff in Santa Baby. Santa/Madonna! Jolly is so much better.



Jim: You know, Santa really gets around. Mrs Claus must give him coal every year.


Pam: I'm more concerned about all these women. I mean, gold digger, much? It's not like he's some kind of heartthrob.



Jim: We'd better move on before we get onto cheap puns about Santa's accessories that mean we're not getting presents.



Pam: Right. I want a new iPod, not coal.

Dorms, where there was probably swearing but I don't have to hear it

Pam: Okay, so first of all, Karal isn't all that happy about how his room has been Jeffed. I don't even know what that means, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to. AJ visited Beauty to see the booky room, and Dean taught Grace about Metallica before his brother stopped by, and that's kind of adorable and kind of sigh-worthy. Principal Washburn agreed with me. Molly tucked in Karal, awwwwww, and Johnny Blaze talked to Blackheart about bike tricks, while Annette slept. And then there was the club fair. Sokka was all strutty, and you wandered around asking silly questions. How shocking! Silly? You?



Jim: They were perfectly reasonable questions. Pevensie, don't forget about the snow forts.



Pam: ...so anyway, there was food, and then some club having to do with bananas. It confused Robin and made you a smartass. Then there's the interestingly-named God is Dead club, and Jenny was more than happy to tell everyone how she killed God. Then there was the paper, which I signed up for, and Peter talked to Charlie about it. Weirdly, that's like the only table you didn't hit. Are you allergic to newspapers or something?



Jim: I fear papercuts.



Pam: It's a reasonable enough fear. Peter -- Pevensie this time, not Parker -- manned the sign-up table for fencing, and Jack wandered by, Sokka pranced, Robin was curious, Jaina was glad to find out she can use her own weapon, and you already talked about you. Jack kept wandering. Wow. Interesting. You punned all over Hermione and talked to John about not wearing pants in football. You guys are weird.



Jim: Blame Willow.

Pam: You're weird without her help.


Jim: But I'm never without pants in public. She's the one who demands that of her players. Anyway! Johnny Blaze was preparing to do a motorcycle stunt in a common room. And you say I'm weird. Johnny Storm showed up and was all, "Hey, what's he doing and why does he have a cooler last name than me?" That second part may be pure speculation on my part, but it's the truth. Blaze is a slightly cooler last name than Storm. Anyway, Storm talked to Blackheart, who would win the battle of the Johnnys if his first name were Johnny. Blaze appreciatesed Storm's outfit appreciation of him and in other news I mangle the English language for you, the listener. Johnny Blackheart didn't like his helmet, but helmets are there for your safety, so deal with it. Hoshi stopped by to watch the crazy people do a crazy thing and people boggled. The squirrels do not indicate whether or not anyone survived. I think they're trying to build suspense.



Pam: DUN DUN DUN! I helped.


Jim: For you listeners at home, if you hear about Johnnys Blaze and Blackheart on tomorrow's radio broadcast, it means they survived. STAY TUNED!



Pam: And on that gripping note, we turn to town.

Town, where that guy who swears a lot lives, and hopefully no one died, which is more than we might be able to say for the dorms DUN DUN DUN!


Pam: Lana was at Book Haven, Mary was at the hotel, George Michael was at the banana stand, Leo was at the photo hut, Savannah was at the sporting goods store, Turtle was at Turtle and Canary and visited by Charlie and John, Xander was at MCA and visited by Bridge and Karal, and Tink opened Pixie Dust and was visited by Charlie and Valentine. In non-businessy news, Lee and Adah were adorable in the park, awww. Deadpool was hot like fire and ogled by Kerrigan and Aly, Johnny Fever made balloons and was approached by a kid, Beauty rode her horse on the beach, Roy asked Kerrigan to get drunk with him, Deadpool gleed at Arashi about his sparring, and Thursday was visited by her weetiny kid all grown up. I'm going to sit over here and breathe for awhile.


Jim: In bar news, Caritas's zombies were intrigued by Anders' hair. Also interested? Robin the Frog. Beings with no hair apparently find Anders' hair awesome. I don't know what that says. Mary stopped by and talked about love while Lana stopped by and moped. Meanwhile, Robin Came Alive! And for those of you unfamiliar with Frampton, I mean that he sang. At The Devil's Nest, Neil opened up and was patronized by Aziraphale who had a Scotch. And in the clinic, Dr Troy had condoms. Which, if you think about it, should be called "prodoms."


Pam: ...I'd never thought of that. You should make that an ad campaign. And I think that's it.

Jim: Remember, Fandom: Don't be dumb. Use a prodom.