Jim: Hello, Fandom. We're here tonight to bring you something special, something magical, something you cannot live without. We like to call it the news of the day.

Pam: Magical?

Jim: Yes. My notes just turned into a rabbit.

Pam: Mine are, remarkably...white paper.

Jim: Mine is a white rabbit, so it's halfway there. Oh, wait, it still has writing on its fur. Here, bunny bunny. I just need to read you...



Pam: Oh, hey, no suit this week?

Jim: I'm not trying to pick anyone up this week. Other than the rabbit... *sounds of papers rustling* Got it!

Pam: ...*sigh* Well, good! Now the women of Fandom are safe from being hit on via radio. Or in person, in my case. Which is good because there's at least one lady here now who I really hope you wouldn't try to pick up, but we'll get to that in a second.

Jim: According to Mr Snuffles here, we're getting to that right now.

School, where our new principal is not a bunny

Jim: According to Mr Snuffles, the day started with the announcement of a new head of the school, Principal Umbridge, who seemed to receive a completely positive reaction from everyone who heard the announcement, really. Principal Washburn, we'll try not to blow up the school in your absence. Oh, wait, too late for that, as Constable Fraser and Bel know far too well from being at the construction site. Awesome Class discussed pretending to be other people to pick women up and the lemon law. We also got coupons to get out of bad dates early for free. It really is an awesome class. Students turned in video of their pickup lines, which I got a high grade on due to last week's radio. And then we paired up and flirted with each other with goofy accents. Irulan, Isabel, and Adam all explained absences to the awesome Professor Stinson, but only one of them was called a prostitute for their troubles. Andrew helped Adam suit up and Professor Aly stopped by to talk to the awesome prof. Willow asked him about computers and Isabel contemplated murder. Mr Snuffles, if you hear about anything else along those lines, alert Professor Stinson. Be a hero, Snuffles!

Pam: ...is he talking back to you?

Jim: Of course not. He's a rabbit, he doesn't talk. Look, he's twitching his nose at you adorably. *sound of paper crinkling* For the record, that is the sound of a rabbit twitching his nose, not of paper crinkling.

Pam: Right. Cover his bunny ears for this next class. In Firearms and You, today the lesson is on shotguns, and I'm sure no one shot any bunnies or learned how, in spite of that being what you would hunt a rabbit with. I learned that from cartoons.

Jim: *sound of crumpled paper being patted* There, there, Mr Snuffles, it'll all be okay.

Pam: Yeah, anyway, in Flight and Flying, they flew around in F-16s. In a shocking turn of pace, Rikku was bouncy, and Rory had cookies and Rikku, of course, bouncily wanted one. Professor Skywalker wanted two, but I think Rory said no. That's mean. Irulan -- hi roomie! -- and Adam apologized for missing class, and Rouge sat out.

Jim: In History of Witchcraft, they talked about modern Wicca and higher powers. Adam, the slacker, used Eve's notes to get caught up after missing the past couple weeks. And Practical Applications continued work on their engines.

Pam: And then everyone and their mom went to this Umbridge lady's office. Though, seriously, from what's in these notes, I'm not sure 'lady' is the right word. Hermione had a, quote, difference of opinion with her, and Professor Winchester checked for demons. Eep, that bad? Professor Skywalker gets kinda annoyed too because she's not using his proper title -- did she call you by your first name, Mr. Skywalker? Or just 'Hey, Luke's dad'? That is so rude. Ares and Ms. Umbridge got along like oil and bitchy-sounding water, and I'm kinda cheering for oil right now. Dr. Wilson brought cookies, and Eve boggled at the kitten plates. Wait, what? She has kittens on plates? Why do our notes always have people eating tiny animals? Seely told her about the alien thing with the school, Prue's also not impressed, Sam defended Principal Washburn, who I miss a lot right now, and Willow...almost got detention. Willow almost got detention.

Jim: That's because Willow Rosenberg is a troublemaker. For shame, Willow. For shame. Mr Snuffles is shaking his head right now.

Pam: She brought a fruit basket! How is that detention-getting? Unless it was like, a Cleopatra-type fruit basket, in which case, wow, Willow, I didn't know you had that in you.

Jim: That's hardcore, Willow. Anyway, back to our new Princi-Pal making friends and influencing people, Turtle walked in and fortunately she is not a tiny amphibian like her name would suggest or else she might have ended up on a plate, too. Instead, Ms Umbridge talked to her about running a business while being in school. Aravis and Umbridge talked, but not about kitten eating. No, it seems that Kitten Eater Prime is a liar. Aziraphale and Mr Rogers visited and while Snuffles here doesn't mention any conflict, she probably called them both godless commies. Anenome asked what a principal does, Ronan discussed control, Prince Zuko - who was sporting a new haircut that looked to be inspired by a certain ponytailed Blue Team football player - gave her an exploding tag which is exactly what it sounds like, and she had to deal with Deadpool. Wow. To be a fly in the room for that conversation. And finally, the doilies in the office freaked Mr Leonhart out.

Pam: Ew, doilies. In the cafeteria there was more food I can't pronounce. Moving onto....

Dorms, where the scary lady's not allowed

Pam: Adam and Eve -- hee -- bitched about our new temporary principal, and I think I'm going to keep calling her that. The temp. Because she is. Prue ended up in her room because of the temp, while, Annette planned with AJ about redecorating her room, and Dick talked to her about the temp. Johnny and Savannah went for a ride on his motorcycle, insert your own dirty joke here, and Jude needed help in tying a tie and instead got makeouts. I think that was probably okay with Jude. Hermione made phone calls about the temp, and then got visits from Tori, Luke, Prue, Seely and Aravis. Then Jude and Rikku made out some more, until the latter got a phone call of the 'uh-oh' variety.

Jim: On the second floor this afternoon, Dick and Luke watch TV, eat Twinkies, and talk about certain gods of war and their attraction to livestock. Abigail and Billy hit the gym, while Robin played his banjo with an audience consisting of Andrew. And this evening, Tori made smoothies and was joined by the Jim who isn't me. Lana showed up in a weird, snuggley mood and snuggled with that Jim. And... wow, that's it for the dorms. I think everyone was too busy checking out the temp.

Pam: I feel like a bad student 'cause I didn't.

Jim: You're a terrible disappointment to all of us.

Pam: We can make up for it later. Mwahaha. ...that was an evil laugh.

Town, where there was no scary temp

Pam: Leo opened Photo Hut, That guy whose name looks like a sneeze opened Luke's, Charlie opened Groovy Tunes and was visited by AJ, Naminé opened Café Fina and was visited by Charlie, Turtle opened Turtle and Canary and was cute with Jeff, Millie opened Book Haven and was visited by a Sabriel on a mission and a chatty Mary, who later opened the hotel, where John Connor ate and Stanley visited. Meanwhile, Dr. Wilson and Mr. Aziraphale were at the Perk, Sheriff Mustang and Aly played chess, and Professor Deadpool went looking in the pet shop. Also, Mel and Rikku totally just stole Professor Deadpool's car. Wow, guys.

Jim: Tonight at Caritas, Phoebe took some time to tape up the dead guys before Robin performed on stage. Prue and Robin both came in for drinks and he waved. Bel was in his usual spot. And over at The Devil's Nest, Neil gave into his OCD and cleaned everything down to the pool tables. And in medical news, Dr Howser had a slow night.



Pam: Does your rabbit have anything else to contribute?

Jim: Well, the magical broadcast is over so he turned back into a sheet of paper. Farewell, Mr Snuffles.

Pam: Poor bunny. We hardly knew ye. Night, everyone.

Jim: Night! Come back soon, Principal Washburn!