WTFH

Ahoy there, Fandom! This is Privateer Archie Kennedy here with you on the airwaves tonight. Shall we commence with the debriefing? Yes, I rather thought so.

Workshopping

Writing learned about poetry today, and I suspect wrote some rather horrific examples of the stuff. Archery shot at moving targets; no word on any casualties. A lucky thing, as First Aid learned how to diagnose various treatments but I can't be sure if arrow wounds were among them. Scoobying met in order to practice making jokes and then throw water balloons at each other and at Xander, as Marie, River, Zero, and Parker did. Bridge stopped by to join in the balloon flinging, as did Willow, though she was armed with a water pistol instead.

Irony, thy name is How to Win Friends, where students learned how to deal with delicate situations. Or highly bizarre situations. I can't decide which.

The library was far too busy for a summer day. Cedric, Angela, and Anakin all stopped in.

The Wardroom and Sickbay

We, er, had a monster in the cafeteria today. Aeryn, River, Z, and Tim availed themselves of the cookies it provided. Well, at least it was edible, even if it might not have been nourishing.

In the clinic, Doctor Troy proved to be unamused by the ongoing feud between Tommy Gavin and Doctor Cox. If Doctor Lambert was similarly unamused, it's hard to say, as she was engrossed in some experiments during her shift.

In the Crew Berths

Whoever Berthold is, he was wandering in the fifth floor common room this morning before making friends with Phoebe and sharing cold pancakes with Pippi, who was regaled with tales of Phoebe's life as a mermaid. Nadia and Walter had breakfast on the roof, and Pip was in the gym working out . . . and trying to excuse himself from dating Pippi. Oh, honestly, Pip, why not?

Sakurazaki and Jude were in the fourth floor common room, as was a bored and mischief-hunting John Connor. In the fifth floor common room Bel was moping, which is hardly a new development. He and Nadia teased each other about last weekend's latest brand of insanity, before Piper stopped in to chat. A damp Dawn greeted both Bel and Nadia, as did Cally, who was disappointed that yesterday's snickerdoodles recipe was people-free. Anders discussed his sexual preferences with Bel, was pleased to see that Nadia is herself again, and got very wet thanks to Cally.

Later on, in the second floor common room, Bridge was watching The Amazing Sci-Fi Submarine Show. Anders talked to him about blowholes. Oh, good God, I don't want to know. Bridge and Dean discussed Bridge's past bodyswap experience, and Rory -- hello, Rory! -- rhapsodized about romantic dolphins, talked to Dean about dolphins and how he thought he was his brother over the weekend. She and Anders discussed Common Room Olympics, which I hope to God are not the same sort of athletic pursuits some of you get up to behind closed doors. Z told Bridge about a phone call, and Zack and Bridge discovered the thirty-year difference between their times.

Thirty years? Is that all?

Sakurazaki returned to town. Welcome back! Pippi was listening to music this morning, the lovely Sam Carter taught Molly about lockpicking, Cameron and John Crichton discussed John and Aeryn's upcoming one-year anniversary, and John and Aeryn discussed his sleep habits. Cedric visited Jack and told him about his day in the library.

Janet dropped by to see Parker, as did Anders. Dean tried to get Sam to stop moping. I don't know whether or not he succeeded, but Dawn was bothering Sam while he tried to read. Joxer begged for Kaylee's forgiveness, which she reportedly granted. And Jamie . . . bothered Peter Parker while walking on his hands. Who was walking on whose hands, now? I can't be sure, but it hurts like the devil to have your knuckles trod on, that's all I know. Marty made a phone call and got a visit from Cally, then headed up to the roof with Angela for something involving glitter and photography. Nadia and Seras were in the dance studio late tonight, as well.

On Shore Leave

Willow and Peter my fellow countryman were at Pizza Planet today, having lunch and exchanging gifts. I'm told it was adorable. I don't doubt it, though I doubt it was the reason for Sister Rosette's gigglefit at the church. Jane was at All and Sundries, looking for shampoo -- I told you it was a modern marvel, Jane! Veronica and I had a nice picnic at Serenity Cove, as well.

Cafe Fina was open, and Seras and Pippi were present for lunch, where they talked to Walter about the weekend's mixups, stories of which he also shared with Alfred. At Caritas, and it's still odd to me to not be there on a Tuesday night, Tim met Jane.

As it appears to have been a rather calm day, that's all the news I have to report. So this is Privateer Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind, clear skies, and a very pleasant night indeed.

*faintly muffled Nokia default ringtone, in obnoxious polyphonic glory*

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, back at the helm this week. Did you miss me? Don't mind the -- *beep beep boop* -- noise, I'm still figuring out the quirks of my new phone. Yes, I have a cell phone now. Try not to faint.

But that's not the big news in town tonight, is it?

*"I ain't no hollaback girl! I ain't no holl--"*

Excuse me. Yes. News. Good God.

Workshopping

How to Win Friends met today and paired up in an attempt to obtain the object of their desire. No word on their success rate, but I fear what, er, objects some of you might have. The ever-popular and occasionally dirty Scoobying workshop discussed the value of doughnuts to a team. You know, if doughnuts kept well at sea, I would have had the best-disciplined gunnery crew ever. But then there was doughnut theft! The indignity of it all, though somewhat assuaged by yet more doughnuts back at Jeff, the God of Biscuits, where Bridge and Willow visited Xander!

On a note that is actually related to baked goods, Archery met under the silent and monochromatic tutelage of the enigmatic Miho and had cookies, not to mention an accidental dragon, which Peter Parker hopes will be on the final. In that course, as well as in the Writing workshop where Anders and Kaylee got acquainted, Alanna was apologetic for her absence over the last three weeks of workshops.

And in First Aid, students introduced themselves as is only fitting on the first day of class. Hermione, Parker, and Z had to deal with simulated toddlers. I imagine the resultant irritation was not so simulated, however. Lana, Walter, and Peter Pevensie had a mounted animal nature trail to deal with, and Isabel, Briar, and Seras had the badger victims of a car crash on their hands.

*a few high-pitched, yet bombastic bars of the polyphonic ringtone version of "A Night on Bald Mountain"*

Well, that was appropriate.

*beep beep*

*". . . and that's how you GET TO LLAMA SCHOOL!"*

Who the hell programs these things into cell phones anyhow?

The Mess Hall, Sickbay, and Wardroom

Pippi grabbed meatballs in the cafeteria, which I hope isn't dirty, and Tim had lunch. I assume the rest of you ate at some point.

Doctor Arroway sent out an email to the astronomy students; Professor Dean The Tick held office hours; Doctor Troy opened the clinic this morning, and Doctor Lambert had the evening shift, as per usual.

In the Crew Cabins

Fry had coffee in his underwear at the Snake campfire this morning. That sounds painful, though whether for Fry or any witnesses who found the sight upsetting is hard to tell. Luna and Briar were there, apparently not that upset by the sight, talking about mean trees and workshops; Xander Bly helped Briar get back up to speed on what he missed during his absence. Peter Griffin was also in his underwear, which did upset Luna; she and Xander Bly were most assuredly not staring at him while they chatted about workshops. At Puffin, Sakurazaki was meditating and taught Conner, the little tramp, to do the same. Ranma, who my notes indicate was a girl, was also there and, I quote, "harshed Sakurazaki's mellow." Which sounds decidedly smurfy if you ask me. Also there was River in the grass, being zen with Sakurazaki.

*"You know my hips don't --"* What the HELL?

Koala was busy this morning, with Blair making egg muffins by the fire, chatting with Willow about taking on the administration in the name of religious diversity, talking to Bel about the terms of their bet, with Cally about workshops, flying, and how birds feed their young, Walter about his time in 1944, and Pippi about eating dirt -- which they were far too excited about, I would think. Cally and Willow attempted to patch up their differences, Walter and Pippi made plans to meet after First Aid, Nadia decided that Blair was in fact making food despite Blair's uncertainty, Pippi invited Nadia to join her and Walter in the park and invited Pip to Disneyland and the screening of her documentary and Sakurazaki's, and Blair made Pip food. Inside Koala cabin, Maia and Jude discussed girlfriends.

Over in Pangolin, Peter Pevensie woke Parker up at the crack of dawn to go running, much to the consternation and amusement of Janet, Anders, Angela, Elizabeth, and Z. Peter later met Willow for lunch, and the two of them went camping.

*BEEP beep beep beep-beep beep-beep beep-beep beep-BEEP beep-beep beep beep-beep beep!*

Why does that sound make me think of Italian plumbers? I don't know. Anyhow, squirrels eat acorns, but in Squirrel Pippi ate an apple, but Jaye and Jack were up at the dorms. Phoebe had a migraine, and I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you're feeling better, Phoebe.

At the aforementioned screening of Pippi and Sakurazaki's documentaries, River, Walter, and Bel were among the people in attendance. Willow talked with Sakurazaki about holidays, with Tim about how he helped with the film, and with Kaylee about their workshops; and of course, she was cute with Peter, who made his film debut tonight, as Sakurazaki reminded him. Stark talked to Sakurazaki and to Tim, who wanted a copy of the film; Kaylee talked with Sakurazaki, Tim, Luna, and Peter. Luna was also there, chatting with Tim and Sakurazaki, and Pip and Tim chatted.

At Puffin campfire, Conner played with his sack, and let Nadia and Pippi play with it as well. He asked Marie why Willow and Bel were threatening him, and talked to Dawn about being dumb. This isn't a surprise. Look who he's sleeping with. Marie spoke with Jamie before walking away. Dawn explained hacky sack to Pip, Tim chatted with Conner, Stark came by and talked with Conner and Sakurazaki, and Walter talked with Stark, Conner, and Nadia.

*a few shrill bars of "Flight of the Bumblebee"*

Good God. I'm covered in bees, or at least I feel like I should be.

At Stickbug, Peter Parker played with pebbles. Actually, he was juggling rocks, the wisdom of which Sam Carter doubted. Isabel told him and Sam about her impending visit home, and caught up with Kawalsky, who discussed bizarre creatures with Peter, and . . . was sat upon by Faithful, demanded marshmallows from Greg, and discussed diets with the lovely Sam Carter. Greg talked to Isabel about his radio broadcast, and to Peter Parker about filming Callisto kissing a duck. Alanna is overjoyed about being able to move again, but she did speculate with Peter about who drew on her chest with lipstick. John Crichton was napping in his alcove until Aeryn woke him up. I miss being able to report on his latest animal transformations.

And this afternoon, Anakin was tossing croissants in front of the Flamingo campfire. Molly, Rory, Willow, Bridge, Blair, Anders, Xander, and Nadia all had to stop and observe.

Finally, in the gym this morning, Cameron taught Veronica a new kick, which I fully intend to make sure she never needs to use on me, and talked with Anders about post-breakup recovery. Oh, for God's sake, Samuel. Shut up already. Lord knows Parker smacked you for it.

Up on the roof of Flamingo, Xander and Bridge had a rather somber conversation, and in Puffin, Alphonse wrote a letter home and talked to Sakurazaki and Conner.

On Shore Leave

*a few rather exuberant bars of "La Cucaracha"*

Oh, no, that won't do either. Bloody ringtones. Anyhow, Walter, River, Pippi, Old Man, and Mr. Neilson were in the park today, feeding ducks and flying kites, and also in the park, Maia introduced Jude to Ivanova.

At The Fourth Sin, Jarod told Miho he was moving out. She took it admirably, by Miho standards. Seras was there as well, wanting to talk to Becky about Sex Ed, and did not exactly come away feeling reassured. And Jack came by to talk to Jarod.

*"Wastin' away again in Margaritaville, searching for my --"*

Damned phone. I've yet to find a ringtone I like. That one is rather catchy, though.

At Caritas, that blessed haven of beverage and song, the Doctor met Veronica and talked with Daisy. Alanna and Faithful were there, talking to Veronica about the radio broadcasts and to Piper about the weather. Piper also talked with Veronica about their workshops and last weekend, the details of which I am not divulging even though I was there. No, you can't bribe me. Lana also discussed workshops with Veronica, and Daisy wanted to know if anyone has ever died during one of the Fandom invasions that are really to be expected by now. But I certainly wasn't playing with my phone at all.

That was not dirty. I swear.

Oh well. That seems to be all the news for the night. And so this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a very pleasant good night indeed. And wishing I can finally decide on a ringtone.

*beep* *beep*

*"We were drawn from the --"*

GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN NO.

*desperate clattering and scrambling before the microphone crashes to the floor*

*dead air*

[OOC: Oh, and many thanks to nadiathesaint, demonbelthazor, kitty__fetish, walter_n_wires, banikslaveboy, bridge_carson, and sogothcally for the evil ringtone suggestions. Did I miss anyone? I hope not.]

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy manning the tiller for you on a nonsticky Tuesday night. Let's see what today's log tells us about what mischief we've all been up to, shall we?

Workshopping

Chloe's writing workshop met this morning and talked about gossip. But did they actually put any of this talk into practice? Oh wait, folks, that's what I and my fellow broadcasters are here for. Gossip in action right here, ladies and gentlemen. They talked about other things as well: Janet and Marie talked about cheerleading and Liz and Janet passed notes. Cameron asked Chloe why she was teaching them a bad habit. Cameron, my dear smurfy boy, at least she wasn't teaching you to pick your noses or overindulge in alcohol. Some of you don't need any help learning that last one, anyhow.

First Aid also met this morning and learned about the nervous system. People were chatty, as they are quite frequently in classes around here, and practiced first aid techniques on Danger Shop simulations. They also had the opportunity to make posters for the Art Fair.

The Documentary workshop learned about conducting interviews by interviewing the workshop instructors, Jay and Silent Bob. *pause* How much of an interview did you get out of Silent Bob, anyhow?

Moving on to afternoon workshops, Archery used real arrows again, but this time, with smaller targets. And, as is always the case with this group, there was a lot of talking, the majority of which centered around Bel being stuck in his demon form. Really, I'm surprised that Miho hasn't killed anyone yet. No virtual teal deer appear to have died either. I might be sadder about that than about the students.

There was a lot of talking in Scoobying as well, but it's all in gibberish, which is apparently a real language. Bloody hell, learn something new every day around here -- not necessarily useful, but new. After the workshop, Willow stopped by to talk to Xander, Nadia asked about his injury, and Bridge and Xander realized that they almost missed their anniversary.

And finally, this evening, Campfire Stories and Songs met. Professor Ted told the story of "Belloe and the Beast." Then Nadia told a creepy story and they sang a song about what to do with a drunken gremlin. I know one thing for sure about a drunken gremlin: I don't want anyone putting it in my longboat.

Oh, and before I forget, the library was open. Tim acquired his library card, and Elizabeth and Rory -- hello, Rory! -- talked about hair and, er, ancient Egyptian texts. Was there a segue there? I'm not sure how that would happen.

Wardroom, Sickbay, and the Chain of Command

In the mess hall today, Pippi, Seras, Pip, Walter, and Nadia ate lunch -- as one does in the mess hall -- and talked about feeling out of sorts. It would not surprise me at all if those two events were connected. Ranma and Sakurazaki also ate lunch, but I have no reports of any ill effects.

And as ill effects are the domain of the clinics, Doctor Troy had a visit from Sam Winchester, who was there to see Buffy, and John Connor stopped in. Good Lord, John, finally? How the devil have you been expecting to work on those tiny clockwork gears with that arm hobbled? Doctor Lambert's shift, however, was quiet.

Professor Dean Tick was, as far as my notes tell me, sadly unvisited during his office hours.

In the Crew Berths

There were people in the gym this morning. Of course there were people in the gym this morning. I'm pleased to hear that Veronica's self-defense lessons with Cameron are going well, though Cameron, if you leave her with bruises again I may have to be slightly upset. He told her that he was still taking baby steps with Molly, and she told him how to recall email. She's good at that sort of thing, isn't she?

In the fourth floor common room this morning, Willow apparently performed a spell that caused Alec and Dean to switch bodies. Which may not be all that confusing to anyone who wasn't them, considering that they're our most recent Doppelganger Duo. And Alec discovered the reason behind half the school's addiction to coffee, much to Dean's smug satisfaction. Trust me, you all wouldn't be so addicted to it if you had to make do for months on end with blackened bread crumbs brewed like coffee grounds. I feel safe in assuming that this makeshift brew was not what Janet and Parker had today.

Bel, who appears to be stuck in his demon form at the moment and that can't have been a pleasant awakening for him and Phoebe, was skulking in the hallways this afternoon. He was rather, as my notes say, "accusey" with Marie, although Pippi kindly invited him to go shopping and Sakurazaki and he bonded. Faithful, on the other hand, was not so kind and was taunting him. Walter encouraged him to do non-demon things, and Nadia didn't do it. Veronica wanted to know who he was trying to kill this time. Anakin apparently mistook Bel for someone else, Pip was rather inquisitive about the whole thing, and John Connor . . . er . . . yawned and coughed. The whole incident was the subject of a discussion between Veronica and Piper later on.

In the fifth floor common room, English Peter was watching soccer. At least, that's what my notes insist -- in a very EMPHATIC way -- that it's called. He was joined by fellow enthusiasts Seras, with whom he discussed strange events from yesterday, and Pippi. He also sang "Rule Britannia," and I missed it. Damn.

Pippi was later out on the gun range with Pip, while in the third floor common room Dawn was singing along with classic musicals; Dean found her singing much to his liking, and English Peter wanted to know if her next number would be a dance. She was joined by the lovely Parker for a lively discussion on the topic. Parker and Lyta also had a bit of a discussion about musical stars they would date, and Parker found out about Dean and Alec's body swap, as well as chatting with Tyler. Dean and English Peter caught up, and Peter must really be interested in soccer, as he was discussing it with Parker as well. I had no idea that sport had become so popular, honestly. Elizabeth met Dawn and talked about yesterday's spate of honesty with Peter, then discussed cheerleading and photography with Parker.

Being completely honest all the time, even for a day, must be draining: Veronica, Nadia, and Tyler were all feeling its effects this morning. Molly was sleeping rather soundly tonight, but I don't think that was due to the whole blasted honesty thing.

Anders met Cedric and Jack the fox -- literally as well as figuratively, for the time being -- and Sam Carter stopped in to check on him as well, and got pumpkin juice out of the deal.

. . . pumpkin? Interesting. Bridge and Xander discussed anniversary matters, and Aeryn and John talked about what was on the radio.

On Shore Leave

Lucas got a phone call and headed out of town, and Artie was hiding; I wonder if this is because Caritas was incredibly busy for a Tuesday night? Elle was there; she talked to Veronica about the oddities of Fandom, students-as-animals and boys included. Ask some people, and I'm sure they'll tell you those are the most significant of the oddities; others might tell you the opposite, though. She also talked to Tim about singing, and to Clark about his fashion sense. Oh, and I was there to see Veronica as usual. I didn't monopolize her time, though, as she also talked to Tim about her workshop and about movie night, to Nadia about truth spells and their ramifications, to Tyler about his time in Fandom thus far, and to Clark about his new position managing the hotel. Nadia and Tyler, meanwhile, tried to figure out whether or not they'd met before,

Cafe Fina was open, though not quite so busy, as were Sparky Repairs, All and Sundries, and Empire Records, where Jamie was stuck listening to Yoko Ono all day. I'm told this is a bad thing. Mister Giles's bookshop was also open, and both River and Doctor Lambert dropped in.

While Willow introduced English Peter to pizza, Jude introduced Sakurazaki to his moves in the park where Ranma later watched the sunset.

Speaking of which, the figurative sun is now setting on my time in the broadcast booth with you tonight. It's been a busy night and my drink had no alcohol in it, so I'm for my bed. Fare thee well, Fandom; this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a very good night indeed.

Honestly.

[OOC: Much love to marsheadtilt for prepping the workshop links all nice and shiny for me.]

Hello and a good, sticky evening to you, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, and in case you didn't notice, it's raining pudding. Or what you Americans call pudding, at any rate, and that's a good thing. Just be glad it wasn't the sort we got on board ship. Worse than alien Twinkies from the sky, I assure you. This sort of pudding is quite painless. Aside from pudding, what's happening in our fair town tonight? Well, let's see . . .

Workshopping

Archery today met and picked up a few things other than how to shoot bows with real arrows: Parker, Dawn, Conner, and Sam who I hear is known as "the cute one," or something to that effect, all got detention from Miho. They were also very, very chatty at the range, as Dawn and Buffy had a very, very long conversation. Dean also spoke to Buffy, as well as to Dawn, and Sam talked with Buffy and with his brother. There was also something involving Bel, Dean, and flaming arrows.

All that chatter, and none of you died. I call that a good day.

Writing worked on news stories about events in the cabins. In a more fictional kind of story, the tale of Rorpunzel -- that sounds almost familiar, but not quite -- was the subject of Campfire Songs and Stories today, where Tim told a tale about Fae and fire before the class sang "The Gremlins Go Marching." Was it a parade march, or a forced march? Though really, you'd have to be entirely insane to try and make gremlins do a forced march.

First Aid discussed bleeding. Oh, bleeding. I can tell you stories about bleeding, but -- never mind. They also discussed how to stop it, which apparently involves triangular bandages and the various ways of folding them, and then treated imaginary victims. I'm having sudden flashbacks to shipboard surgeries, and . . . Barbossa, I'm borrowing a little of your rum now. I'll replace it, I swear.

Documentaries 101 met and reported on their progress, then did research.

Scoobying, which is not like smurfing, told jokes and threw pies, and after class Willow came by to talk to Xander, and Z had a chat of sorts with the ferret who was once Bridge.

In the Wardroom, Sickbay, and the Mess Hall

Professor Dean Tick held office hours, and in the clinic this morning Buffy and English Peter visited Doctor Pevensie. Thank you for specifying which Peter this time, anonymous sources. Doctor Troy was looking at porn, while Doctor Lambert did lab tests. The things we do to pass the time when we're alone -- I find woodworking a worthwhile pastime, myself.

In the cafeteria, Tempe met Nadia, who went over the usual list of warnings for new students with her; Jude played with his food. Did it win?

In the Crew Berths

There are now octopi on the walls of the fifth floor common room, courtesy of River, who met Molly, discussed vampire dreams with Buffy, and learned about the Beatles from Nadia. Molly talked to Buffy about the ownership of . . . er, breakfast cereal, and to Nadia about past and future pranks. Tyler and Buffy scheduled a basketball game for a week from this Saturday; Tyler also talked with River about sushi and places of origin and with Nadia about her new position as -- Gremlin mascot.

Honestly, I don't ask sometimes.

The second floor den of iniquity lived up to its name today, with a drunk Jamie watching Bitterwoman. My notes say he attempted to explain the backstory to Aeryn, but given his inebriated state, who knows how successful this attempt was? Oh, and evidently Willow is quite the Bitterwoman fan as well. Later in the evening, the pudding was quite the subject of conversation between Anakin and Pretty Sam -- Pretty Sam? What the hell kind of nicknames . . . well, at least it's complimentary, I suppose. Miss Carter, I would quite agree with that assessment. They also talked about pranking their superiors. Ladies and gentlemen, the navy this is not. Rory and Sam also talked about the pudding, as well as the coffee pond, and Rory was none too pleased to hear from Anakin that Tex threw a knife at him. Alanna sampled the pudding and pronounced it safe, Tempe met Rory -- hello, Rory! -- and Alanna. There was pistachio tossing with Jaye and Anakin, and the plotting of shirtlessness by Rory and Jaye. Sam's bike is befouled by pudding, as she told Jaye. But cupcakes apparently cannot be befouled by pudding, at least according to Anders who brought some in and was summarily warned by Cally that he had better not track the pudding into their room. I hope you made him sleep in the hall for that, Cally. And Original Alliterative Peter who was not blue today also found out about the pudding.

Outside the dorms, Walter was playing with Pup and arranging a date with Nadia. Pippi and a honking Pip stopped by, as did Tim, who met Pup. Also outside the dorms, Draco enjoyed the rain of pudding along with Tim, Pippi, Z, Fry and Peter Griffin, Tempe, and Sakurazaki. It seems Sakurazaki was in the gym in a rather bad mood, as well.

Tempe was baking cookies in the third floor common room, where Tim and Peter -- *rustles papers* Damn it, this doesn't tell me which one! -- partook of the finished product, as did Conner, who was apparently cheered up by them. Tyler was there as well, talking with Tempe and Peter. In the fifth floor common room, Nadia picked up gosling-Pip -- oh, that explains the honking -- from Pippi. Goslings and ferrets and puddings -- oh my.

Many people woke up in ways that had various degrees of smurfiness to them: Phoebe and Bel, Cedric and Jack, Sakurazaki and Ranma, Tempe and Sawyer, Pippi and Pip the gosling -- er -- and Aeryn.

Callisto was hiding under her desk. All day, apparently. My muscles cramp just thinking about it. Alec attempted to sleep, which didn't work too well with Buffy and then Dean stopping by to see him. Before going to Blood Gulch Arms today, Anakin got a letter, while Dawn, on the other hand, got condoms. In abundance. God bless the postal service.

Lana was reading in her room, Molly talked to Aeryn about a fight with Cameron, Gwynn and Tim were out on the roof, Sakurazaki and Jude were out in the grass outside the dorms, and Seras was writing a letter.

On Shore Leave, With Pudding

John Connor opened Sparky Repairs this morning, and at Wonka's the esteemed proprietor was hard at work in the back room. At Aeropagitica Mister Giles seemed to be preparing for the Apocalypse, as well as discussing the Bible with River and being solicited by Professor Dean Tick . . . for help with the book fair. Pippi was there as well, researching geese. Discovering a passion for ornithology now, Pippi?

And at Empire Records, Jamie stopped by to visit . . . himself. With a sock puppet. How smurfy. Fred opened Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and discovered the pudding problem. And as previously mentioned, Anakin went to Blood Gulch Arms and had a knife thrown at him. The pudding probably only added insult to injury.

I can already tell you that it was rather quiet at Caritas tonight. Veronica and I didn't mind, really.

All and Sundries was busy today, as Artie purchased things for his workshop, Pippi and Pip the gosling stopped in, Orlin -- much to Mister Blackadder's displeasure -- came by, River wanted paint and brushes, and Tim wanted DVDs. DVDs are shiny, and that's all I know about them.

That's also all the news we have for tonight. So this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies . . . though you're likely to get pudding instead.

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, and I'm not actually sure where I've been all day. There's a distinct possibility that I was lost in the woods. Navigating on land is not exactly my strong point. So tonight as I report the news to you, well, it's just as much news to me.

Workshop Time!

In Chloe's Writing workshop, Marie got acquainted with Cameron and Liz, Kawalsky and Rory became better acquainted, Janet and Alanna tried to figure out why they decided to take a morning workshop, and Cameron, Kawalsky, and Janet talked to Chloe.

The First Aid workshop didn't waste any time getting into it, did they? While one group dealt with a car crash, another group had a a chaotic restaurant scenario involving accident-prone workers and a choking man. And the third group? Oh, the third group. Apparently they had to rescue a beachful of sunburn victims from . . . angry badgers. And then everyone discovered the virtues and versatility of triangular bandages.

In Jay and Silent Bob's Documentary workshop, students introduced themselves before learning to use cameras.

On to afternoon workshops. Archery convened, where Parker met Gwynn and talked to Janet and Sam Winchester. Said Sam passed notes with Dawn, Bel and Isabel speculated on what the next monster invasion will be, and Buffy was upset about not being able to shoot things. Dean is apparently afraid of Miho, about which Parker taunted him, and talked to Dawn about her morning; Molly chatted with the Winchesters, and even managed to ask Miho a question and emerge alive!

Is Scoobying like Smurfing? Probably not. But students discussed the importance of doughnuts in a crisis. Er -- all right. Then the group was split in half, with one group trying to steal the doughnuts the other group was trying to courier to the heroes. Jamie's multiples chased Nadia and Greg, Cordelia and Lana chased each other back to camp, Draco stole Blair's doughnuts, Rory attempted to steal Bridge's doughnuts, and Jamie and Z multiplied at each other.

Definitely smurfy.

Campfire Stories and Songs can be smurfy, but I'm not sure if the workshop was actually smurfy. Well, I'm sure it was smurfy in several senses. Just not necessarily the one I've been using. After introductions, Professor Ted told a story that my notes tell me was the best ever, and students signed up for their turn to tell stories.

Happenings in the Wardroom and Sickbay

Professor Calendar sent out a course outline to her workshop students, and Principal Washburn held office hours.

Doctor Troy was in the clinic this morning, where Joxer woke up and got released, and Nadia came by to get her cast removed, apparently much sooner than was to be expected. Doctor Lambert's evening shift was quiet and uneventful, which may have contributed to the good mood I'm told she was in.

Tempe and Marie got acquainted in the dining hall, while Pippi and Nadia planned. Planned what? I don't know.

In the Very Woodsy Crew Berths

*rustles papers* *sniffles*

You know, looking over these notes, I miss Professor Skeeter and the weekly Crichton Menagerie Report. Over at the Squirrel campfire, a post-nightmare Nadia was comforted by Walter, who promised to do the same in case she had more nightmares later. She promised, in exchange, not to glue his head to the pillow. Modern courting customs are so complicated. After Pippi and Nadia discussed how the latter was healed by Demyx, a plague of ennui struck. Yes, I said ennui. It's much more sophisticated than everyday boredom, which Nadia concocted a plot to conquer. Walter had tea with a glittery Seras. Do they make glitter tea? I'd think it would be popular around these parts. After all, they have diet teas and digestive teas and so forth these days. Why not anti-emo tea?

What in hell was going on early this morning between the Meerkat and Stickbug cabins? Apparently there were shirtless insane boys by the names of Jamie, Crichton, Tyler, English Peter, Original Alliterative Peter, Cameron, and Kawalsky, er . . . falling artistically and singing Rob Thomas songs? Yes, that would be insane, all right. Actually I'm frightened. They must have been suicidal, waking up Buffy, Molly, Rory, and Aeryn without even bringing them coffee, even though they claimed they had coffee. Honestly. There was poledancing by Greg, schottische-ing by English Peter, mooning by Jamie, and flexing and stripping by Cameron. All of you are lucky Aeryn only threatened to harm you.

Of course, Buffy was there in, I quote, ass-kicking boots, with Molly right behind her. And Rory, who'd been taunted with the promise of coffee? Hell hath no fury like a coffee-less Rory. Hello, Rory! And then the boys fled.

And then there were ducks. And vows of revenge. Oh, that's just fowl.

In the Seahorse common room, D'Anna had baked goods for Cedric and talked workshops with Dean. Cedric and Dean discussed the enticement value of baked goods as well; Tyler paid a visit, and Sam and D'Anna plotted revenge.

At the Pangolin campfire, Bridge and Parker discussed Xander's workshop, space ninjas, and Willow. How's that for a diverse range of topics? Bridge and Bel bemoaned the injustice -- I'm sorry, I ran out of b-words -- of the seniors sequestered in separate cabins. Bel lit Parker's fire -- smurfy -- and talked to her about Angel, and Elizabeth talked about workshops with Bridge and Parker. Apparently there were doughnuts, because Sawyer showed up for one. Bridge was bouncy for other reasons: namely, Xander came by. Tempe came by as well.

At the Stickbug campfire, which is a phrase that sounds like a catastrophic conflagration of innocent insects but probably isn't, Pippi filmed English Peter talking about his workshop. Peter, John, and Greg awaited retribution from the Meerkats, and when Cameron showed up, the notion of sleeping in shifts was discussed. I've got quite a bit of experience in that regard, if you're interested.

In the Meerkat common room, Alanna offered to help Rory with her sunburn. Revenge was the topic of discussion for Aeryn, Rory, and Isabel, Molly was still unhappy about the ducks, and Dawn rallied the group. Well done, Dawn!

Phoebe rescued Ranma, who was terrified of a cat in the Koala cabin, as the screaming might have indicated. Ranma later slept on the roof, which is where Sakurazaki found him. At the Puffin campfire Sakurazaki filmed Jude and Al as they conversed.

Tyler was playing basketball in the camp gym, where he was joined by Sawyer, a deservedly paranoid Jamie, Tempe, and John, then Greg later. There was drilling, and John cheated by tickling and noogieing Parker, and English Peter watched -- smurfy!

Cedric was wandering about in a towel this morning? Of course Jack flirted with him. Blair and Bel discussed taste in clothing, and Blair also talked about food and Canada with Jude. Janet wandered into Koala by accident. Hurrah, other people who get lost in the woods! Aeryn couldn't sleep and made a phone call instead, D'Anna and Rory sent email, and Gwynn wrote home.

Speaking of home -- Anakin's back!

Tempe fell asleep in the Pangolin common room, and had a glittery rendezvous with Sawyer in the woods.

At the Three-Toed Sloth campfire, Cordelia was not very cordial to Willow, but I'm assuming Willow's meeting with Tim was more pleasant, as was her conversation with Lyta about shyness and stage fright.

On Shore Leave, Which is a Longer Trip This Week

Welcome back, Barbossa!

Admiral Harrington picked up an order from Sparky Repairs today, and at the Perk, Veronica got a phone call and met Professor Arroway. Elle and Jay were talking about girls, also at the Perk. Interesting. Jaye and Alec were at the Perk too, thereby making it peculiarly popular today.

Walter was at Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes -- whew -- as was Paige. Willow talked with Jamie and English Peter at Empire Records, as well. At the Fourth Sin, Jarod got a phone call.

Giles's shop was invaded by Hermione and Willow, and visited -- though perhaps not invaded -- by Sam Winchester who my notes tell me is cute, though I've not met him and can't judge for myself yet. Seras wanted books on alchemy, and Tim on faery tales.

Cafe Fina was quiet tonight, though Caritas wasn't, even if I wasn't there. Cameron was, though, and talked to Veronica about her workshop; they also sang a duet. I'm rather sorry I missed it. Veronica got acquainted with Kaylee and Clark as well. Er . . .I hope one of you walked her home, since I wasn't there.

*rustles papers* *sputters*

What? Good God, that's inhuman! At All and Sundries today, EDMUND MADE ARTIE CRY. Tempe came in for glitter, but all the glitter in the world can't possibly make up for a crying Artie, or so I'm told.

That's a terribly depressing note on which to end tonight's broadcast, isn't it? Unfortunately I'm afraid I'm out of news. So this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, and wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a very good night indeed.

Now, let's hope I can find my way back to my cabin . . .

Hello, Fandom, and a most hearty welcome to all of you newcomers. This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy here with you tonight, and you'll pardon me if I'm not as cheerful as usual. I've had an interesting night.

Moving on, not that there's any schooling to report, but dear God in heaven, have we had a tidal wave of new summer students today.

All Hands -- All Five Thousand Of You -- On Deck!

It was an entirely different brand of chaos on the front lawn today, with the welcoming party for the new students and staff. I hid in my room for all of that. Not that hiding in my room is news, I'm afraid. I do that quite a bit.

There were rooming assignments to be picked up, and among the new roommate pairs that met at the office drones' table were Willow and Marie, Dawn and Sam Winchester -- as well as Sam's brother Dean, who met his roommate Cedric there. Ainsley and Peter Pevensie -- Pevensie? That's not a very commonplace name . . . interesting. When Tyler met his roommate, X5-494, he probably had a more extreme version of my reaction just now, I imagine. And Peter Griffin, the non-alliterative one, met up with his roommate, Ranma, and I'll never avoid alliteration at this rate. Miles and Jude will be sharing quarters, as will Briar and Xander. Er. Xander Bly. Good God, another one? Jamie and Nadia were assigned to share quarters, as were Kaylee and River, Joxer and Max, Maia and Paige, and Demyx and Fry.

Good God, what an assortment of names you lot have.

Principal Washburn and her not-husband Constable Fraser were in charge of the checking and storage of weapons, where Z, Dawn, the new alliterative Peter, Tyler, Gwynn, Briar, not-alliterative Peter -- and by the way, I agree that Twinkies are weapons, Miles, Zack, Willow, Dean, Kaylee, X5-494, Joxer, Shiro, Hermione, Tim, Demyx, Elle Woods, Luna, and Sakurazaki all made stops. Whether or not all of them were actually armed isn't entirely clear. I think tonight I'll be glad to assume that they were.

At the food tables, there was mingling and eating in abundance. Willow met Janet, Marty, Nadia, Joxer, & the new Xander, as opposed to the old Xander. Not that he's old. Oh, it's figurative, for God's sake. Z met Nadia. who in turn chatted with Marty and met Jude & Phoebe.

Marie met Dawn, Jamie and Cameron; Shawn talked to Peter Pevensie, who in turn met Janet, Paige, Jude, and Gwynn. Greg met Pip, Phoebe, Pippi, Liz, Mac, and Elle, Tyler got acquainted with Jamie, and
the non-alliterative Peter met Nadia, Walter, and Jamie.

Gwynn met Walter and Z; Zack got to know Greg, Mac and Liz; Miles met Aeryn. Ellie and Cedric both got to meet Liz, and Kaylee met Cedric, Pip, Paige, Elle and Cally.

*pause* Oh God, that's going to get confusing, isn't it? Excuse me. I need to breathe.

*several seconds of silence, punctuated by loud inhalations and incoherent muttering*

Jude met Pippi, Dean met Z & Walter, and Draco met Tyler and then ran into Cedric -- who he apparently knew before Fandom High. That happens here sometimes, in bizarre and complicated ways. Don't be too shocked, now.

Jack Harkness is back, and hopefully as good a kisser as ever! He chatted with Pippi, Liz, Janet, Parker, and Elle. Conner met Z and Marie, Cam got to know Greg, and 494 met Z, Molly, and Joxer.

New doppelganger alert, folks: Dean and 494 look alike. No, the uncanny physical resemblance isn't a new thing around here either. The question is, which one of you has the better hair?

Molly met Tyler and Jamie, while Dawn met Molly, Isabel, Shawn, Jamie, and Alanna. Parker who is not the original alliterative Peter met Sam, and they were subsequently joined by Molly.

Joxer met Phoebe, Jude, and Pippi; Isabel met Cedric and Greg ,and chatted with Liz.

Elle met Liz; Rory met Cedric & Sam -- Winchester, not Carter, and oh my God is this going to get confusing-- and chatted with Parker. Yes, Parker. Not the original alliterative Peter.

My nicknames aren't helping, are they?

Lana met Tim, as did Alanna and Luna, and this is a whole different kind of disturbing near-alliteration;
Xander-who-graduated-yesterday, as my notes say, chatted with Rory and met Z. Yes, I'm confused. It's my understanding Xander was too. Perhaps Xander-who-just-arrived-today was confused as well, but all my notes tell me is that he met Jude, Rory, Z, and Joxer.

Briar met Lana; Hermione ran into Draco & Cedric, and met Willow. Walter met Seras, and Pip met Jude.

Finally, Demyx met Pip and Pippi, and thank God, my tongue can rest for a moment now.

In the Crew Berths

Today started off with Ivanova shipping out. Take care of yourself, Ivanova; I'll always remember you attacking my bumper car in driver's education. Anakin left as well, sadly. Pippi made breakfast in the fifth floor common room, where later in the day her horse was watching Bitterwoman with Angela, the new alliterative Peter, Fry, and Demyx; Angela and the aforementioned Peter had a conversation about former teachers.

Folks, I'd just like to point out that if hearing that a horse was watching television gave you pause, you clearly need more time to adjust to this town. Speaking of former teachers, Professor Skeeter took her leave of us today. Oh, damn. And John Crichton hadn't completed his personal zoological catalog yet! Apparently she had some kind of history with Cedric, and with Hermione, and an entirely different kind with Veronica, who was, and I quote, not feeling the love. Er. I won't ask. John Crichton settled for a hug in response to his proposal and was not to the best of my knowledge turned into one final animal for it. I find this profoundly disappointing.

Of course there were people in the second floor den of iniquity. When aren't there? Parker and Isabel discussed Jack's return, Alanna was all aflutter about the abundance of arrivals, Parker and Elizabeth talked about their new senior status and the new students, and Parker met Shiro.

The third floor common room, though, had more activity than its counterpart one floor down! In between this and John Crichton's continued human state today, it's truly a sign of the Apocalypse! I'm sorry, newcomers, I don't know what to tell you. You just got here, and now this. Anyhow. Third floor common room. Yes. Z and Bridge, who apparently have matching uniforms, met, and Bridge and Dawn, who discovered that they have a Xander in common, had lessons in fingerwiggling and I am not asking. There was talk of sparring between Tyler and Alphonse, while Conner met Alphonse and Bridge. Oh, and Jaye met Tyler. *snickering* Now that's an auspicious combination. Or possibly a fearsome one.

And Pip was joined by Walter, Pippi, and Demyx for a rooftop concert.

Oh! Happy birthday, Callisto! I hope Angel made it a good one for you. Likewise, I hope Janet had a relaxing time in her room, and that the dream that Pippi had was a pleasant one. Out on the lawn today, Z and Zero -- oh, my God -- had an encounter with each other, after which Jamie met Z and Peter and Zero had a disgustingly cute farewell.

The lawn was also the site of the non-alliterative Peter's arrival; meanwhile, Greg moved in with the original alliterative Peter, as opposed to the new one. Jamie moved in with Nadia, and Dawn moved in with Sam, and I have no clue from these names what all sex you lot are.

Angel, on the other hand, got a visit from Willow, Ranma and Sakurazaki had a chat, Tim and Conner worked out room arrangements, Alanna moved in with Lyta and also visited Hermione, and Zack moved in with the Thane of Glamis and Cawdor, and Seras and Gwynn, as my notes tell me, did "the roomie thing," as did Shiro and James God, that sounds dirty, but around here I never know.

What in hell was Dean doing? I have no idea. I have no idea about the flyers either. But did I mention Jack Harkness was back? Isabel stopped in to see him. Isabel's roommate, Xander-who-graduated-yesterday, was sending email and talking to Isabel and then Willow up in room 406; Greg also sent email, which is only a newsworthy accomplishment if you're me, and Draco talked to his mother. Cally and Anders were supposedly talking about books, but I don't believe Samuel can read, so really, they were probably being smurfy. Briar and newly-arrived-Xander, on the other hand, were planty, as was Sharon, and in 513, Ainsley and new alliterative Peter were a bit awkward.


On Shore Leave

Town was actually busy today! For starters, Pip and Janet dropped in at the town clinic during Doctor Lambert's shift.

*sound of shuffling papers* *pause* *even more frenetic shuffling of papers*

*choked whimper*

Among the new arrivals in town today were . . . Elle and Elliot, who met Ellie, as well as Harper and Orlin. Ellie and Elliot both got apartments from Quark at the Mauvaise Chance today, as well. Professor Jackson was also at his apartment, doing whatever it is he does there.

All and Sundries, Sparky Repairs, and Empire Records were all open for business today, as was Aereopagitica, which saw a visit from the new alliterative Peter.

Orlin was in the park, and a . . . er . . . pruney-fingered Jarod was reading at the Sin.

Over at Cafe Fina, the Baron had lunch and said goodbye to Alfred.

And then there was Caritas. Where Lindsey sang, Logan talked with Veronica about recent goings-on in their hometown, which she later talked about with me, and Elle Woods was in the lounge, as were Lindsey and Piper.

Damn it, I'm exhausted from reading all these names now, and I've not had the most wonderful night. To all the newcomers, I wish you welcome again, and this is Archie Kennedy signing off, wishing you all -- despite the weather -- a fair wind and clear skies, and a better night than I've had.

[OOC: So, so much love to the recappers, especially to marsheadtilt who tackled the meet and greet threads and was awesome enough to code them for me. *ded of linkage*]

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Tuesday evening, so this is Archie Kennedy at the helm, and let me assure you that I am one hundred percent sober. Well, all right, ninety-five percent. Veronica bought me a drink. Anyhow, this is Royal Navy Radio, and from going over my notes it has been an interesting day in this fair town. So I suppose I should tell you about it.

*long, dazed pause*

I'm . . . sorry, ladies and gentlemen. These rolling hedgehogs are rather mesmerizing. Where was I? Ah, yes.

Schooling

Preparations for the end of the semester are in vogue, apparently: Art classes spent the period reviewing, as did Business classes. In Speech classes, the 201 students gave their final speech presentations, while the 301 students were down to their last chance to convince Professor Cregg to not give them a final. I suppose that counts as preparing for finals, one way or the other, doesn't it?

Also preparing were Classics and Foreign Literature, who worked on their final projects, and Political Campaigning, which did the same. One wonders if Advanced Journalism will cover annoying Professor Skeeter on their final examinations, as that's exactly what they did today. On the not-at-all-unlikely chance that the animals John Crichton the Menagerie Man has been will end up on that final, the students got a bit of a break.

Because John Crichton stayed human all through class today.

Yes, that's right, folks, the Apocalypse is back on.

Oooh, a chartreuse hedgehog!

If any of you are buried in your finals review, ask an Introduction to Archaeology student: they learned about excavation methods today. As for Advanced Criminal Justice? Well, we watched an episode of Crime and Punishment. I still don't understand that show, and I still think that the clown's secret was that he was too happy as a child.

Things were fairly quiet in the library, opened by the lovely Miss Angela Chase today, but she did talk with Parker while at work. In the assistants' lounge, Bel was there for half the day, and Parker came to visit.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

Did I mention the hedgehogs? The announcements did, today. The trees are apparently still flinging acorns, and there was some other incredibly uninteresting trivia as well. But the hedgehogs are willing to play croquet. You don't often find hedgehogs who do that. Vice Principal Pierce was looking for people willing to help with graduation. Perhaps the hedgehogs can be persuaded? They're very earnest. Eager, even.

No, I'm sorry, I don't have a croquet mallet. Ask Zero.

Professor Cregg held office hours and was visited by Parker and Maia. It's presumed that the rest of the faculty was around somewhere, but evidently not so newsworthy.

Everyone is still in good health, as evidenced by the fact that the school nurse resorted to constructing carousel contraptions in the infirmary, and both Doctors Troy and Lambert resorted to solitary ways of occupying the time on their clinic shifts.

And there was tongue in the cafeteria. Er. Tongues. As in speaking in them, which is what Nadia and Pippi were doing.

In the Crew Berths

Just outside the dorms today, Isabel was having fun with the acorn-flinging trees, and rescued Walter from some of the nutty little projectiles. Anakin also stopped by, and talked with Isabel about his homeworld and his past.

Candy seems like a strange thing to eat while watching something called Kill It Before It Dies, but nevertheless that is what was happening in the third floor common room tonight with Ivanova, Pip, Pippi, Maia, and Alphonse. Something called Rote Muhle with little dots over the 'u', and don't ask me how to pronounce it, was playing in the second floor den of iniquity. It sounds sordid. Fitting, for that floor, where Parker and Isabel schemed about Professor Lyman and Angela succeeded in -- did I read that right? making Jaye's toaster emo. And the ubiquitous Bitterwoman was playing in the fifth floor common room, watched by Nadia and Pippi.

*pause* Well, that beats the hedgehogs -- ouch, not my ankles, please?

Waking up with someone else seems to be a popular pastime today. John and Aeryn did it, as did Ivanova and Maia. Cameron did not, as far as I can tell, wake up with someone else, although he did have a troublesome dream. He was later visited by Menagerie Man John, who interviewed him for journalism, and by Molly, who told him that she -- broke up with Blair? In the sewers? I don't think I can cope. Blair told Ivanova the same thing.

Pippi had a run-in with some of the odder hedgehogs, and Maia indulged herself in a shower after classes today. Sydney was seen heading toward John Connor's room tonight, and caught up in the frenzy of finals fever, perhaps, Rory was studying and visited by Aeryn; talk of prom commenced. There was talk of goldfish and babies in Cally and Anders's room, and dear God, I beg of you, Samuel, do not procreate. Ever. Please.

Pip was packing tonight, And Draco was feeling out of sorts tonight for reasons that I'll get into momentarily.

Beat to Quarters?

Things certainly started off interestingly in the East Attic today, didn't they? Veronica made coffee for herself, Chloe, and Piper this morning, but Piper was in quite the nasty mood and left in a huff. Or a puff, rather. Naturally, this didn't go over terribly well with her roommates, who were joined in the East Attic by Bel, Phoebe, Paige, and Lindsey in order to determine what was going on: namely that Piper had been turned into a Fury and would be going after evildoers, as Furies do. Or at least, as I assume they do. I'm rather unclear on it.

Piper was not so unclear about her intentions to pay Angel a visit, though she appears to have left somewhat frustrated, only to have her visit followed up immediately by one from Veronica and Bel. She caused Draco some difficulties, as I alluded to earlier, before being summoned back to the East Attic and subsequently taken on a trip by Veronica and Paige.

You know, it somehow made more sense before I read it out loud. I swear it did.

On Shore Leave

Not much happened in town tonight, it seems. Over at Empire Records, Marty was at work, and Anakin was buying bleach at All and Sundries. Why, Anakin? Your robes are always impeccable as it is. Ivanova was there too, and bouncing. Clearly Blair is rubbing off on her.

At the Fourth Sin, Jarod was distracted from his poor broken laptop by a phone call from Parker. Well, that was a welcome distraction, I'm sure. And -- *papers rustling* -- what? In distractions of the welcome or perhaps not-so-welcome variety, Nadia and Sydney discovered that they are, in fact, sisters, over dinner at Ching Tai. Er. Congratulations, you two? Cafe Fina could have used some distractions, I'm sure, but was unfortunately empty tonight.

The . . . illustrious Professor Skeeter is taking a trip out of town for a few days, it seems. And I was at Caritas as usual, where I asked Veronica out. I think she tilted her head at me. I can't be sure.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all the news from our fair town tonight. So this is Archie Kennedy striking colors, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a very smurfy good night indeed.

*pause*

And no, when I say striking colors, I don't mean hitting these rolling hedgehogs.

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy at the helm this Tuesday night on Royal Navy Radio, and if there's ever an uneventful day in this town I don't know wh -- *sounds of rather voluminous, liquid splattering* Twice in one day. Lovely. As I was saying, if there's ever an uneventful day in this town I have no idea what I'll do. Right then.

Schooling

In case you hadn't fallen victim to or witnessed it, the Dean announced that random slime attacks have befallen the campus. You don't say.

We watched cartoons in Advanced Criminal Justice this morning, though there were no Smurfs, sadly. Rory taught the class today. Hello, Rory! Arthurian Traditions had a film day as well, History of Art also watched a documentary, and Studio Art discussed appropriation. Art was never my strong point so I don't know how appropriate that was. In Foreign Literature and Classics, the former read stories from The Thousand and One Nights, while Classics worked on their translations of Ovid.

Speech convened as per usual, and while the 301 students talked about communicating with animals -- which happens a bloody lot around here -- the 201 students worked on their final speeches. Business classes also worked on their final projects. Good God, please don't tell me the end of the semester is creeping up on us already! Apparently it is, as Advanced Journalism was also working on final projects. John Crichton the Menagerie Man let us down this week, folks. If he was turned into an animal, I don't know ab -- *splatter* Damn it!

Speaking of this damned slime, Chloe was slimed in Professor Skeeter's class, and Professor Lyman also fell victim during Political Campaigning. My sources report that in a similar phenomenon, the heavens, or at least the ceiling tiles, opened up and doused Angel with water.

Well, the heavens are certainly going to open up and do something now that John Crichton has retained his form throughout an entire Journalism class. Something far less innocuous than slime, I imagine.

Oh yes, there were other classes today! Introduction to Archaeology discussed Egyptian scripts, Creative Writing learned about Belloc and Holmes, History of Medieval England continued talking about the War of the Roses and a lot of people with the same names, and Western Civilisation discussed the Renaissance.

The library was a bit less festive than usual today; Angela greeted Mister Wagner the librarian, Cameron was acting bizarrely, Parker and Zero had coffee which I can only assume they did not spill on the books, being responsible library aides, and Parker and Angela discussed the past weekend's happenings.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

The school clinic was empty today; the students all remain in one piece. Except perhaps those of you who normally come in multiple pieces. That's different. At the town clinic, Allie and Lilly were still there during Doctor Troy's day shift, and continued to maintain the status quo during Doctor Lambert's evening shift. Look here, ladies, there's a virtue in consistency, but could we perhaps gravitate towards one of a healthier nature?

I'm only teasing. Get better soon, both of you.

Hair and hobbies -- is hair a hobby? No, don't tell me -- were Pippi and Ivanova's topics of conversation in the mess hall today.

The Weird Hometown Club meeting was cancelled; Professor Cregg held office hours and was visited by Mister Wagner as well as Sam Carter.

In the Crew Berths

Cameron has been acting very, very strangely today. He was studying in the den of iniquity this afternoon, apparently in that superhero uniform of his. Does that help you study more, Cameron? Is it smurfy? Remember what happened to the poor mushrooms in our class project. While there, he was warned off of marking up the library books by Lana, on pain of death by Parker and Zero. Isabel brought him lunch and asked about the cake he promised her; perhaps he only had two bits and didn't expect such a rush? And John Crichton had some words to say about the tightness of Cameron's outfit, and the things it revealed.

Video games are something I'm terrible at, apparently, but Victor and Walter were playing them and discussing birthdays today, and Draco was also playing them.

Nadia was dreaming again, which is not particularly newsworthy as we all do that but my notes mentioned it anyhow, and Callisto didn't sleep. She would have had a long talk with Angel after waking up, but as she was already awake there was no after about it, really. Speaking of long talks, as well as people acting strangely, John and Aeryn woke up this morning and talked about plans for the evening with Isabel.

Molly and Blair were adorable in the computer lab; Walter and Nadia had a talk about things on Walter's mind. I don't know wh -- *splatter* *sigh* Never mind. Well, Pippi and Pip fell victim to the slime too, at least. Kiki talked to her cat and sent email, then later visited with Lana. There was singing and hair-doing courtesy of Pippi, reading by Ivanova, and pouting by Alphonse, while D'anna returned. Which implies that she'd been somewhere, of course. I don't know wh -- *splatter*

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

On a much happier, and hopefully much less slimy, note, Bel is back. And. Er. *embarrassed pause and a cough* Anders, who also got slimed, had to cheer Cally up after I . . . well, in the interest of living through the end of this broadcast I'll elaborate later.

On Shore Leave

The Baron had lunch at Cafe Fina, Camulus and Orlin were smurfy, and Agatha was reading at Sparky Repairs.

Aereopagitica was busy today, with a dingbot stopping by for Mister Giles, Orlin looking for books on philosophy, and Parker coming to thank Mister Giles for something.

At the trooper station Veronica and Phoebe stopped by today.

And finally, there was Caritas. Logan was there, talking to Veronica about the evidence she's been collecting about the attack on Allie. Angela and Nadia were there, having an early birthday drink, speculating about Pippi's hair, and making arrangements to visit the spa. They also sang a song about the poignant, yet pointless, crisis of a co-ed. Cally was there too, talking to Veronica about her weekend. And it was Tuesday, so of course I was there as well. *sigh* Yes, all right, so my notes aren't exaggerating. Yes, I was a complete ass to Cally. But then I had a talk with Veronica before walking her home. I was not a complete ass to her. I hope. I don't know.

*long, nervous pause*

*SPLATTER*

You'd think I'd have smurfing learned by now. Anyhow, folks, that is all the Fandom news for the day. So this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a smurfy good night out here on the proverbial water.

*sound of a brief but torrential downpour*

Oh, for the love of G --

*fizzling, crackling pops as the microphone shorts out*

Hello and a most smurfy Tuesday evening to you, Fandom! Rest assured that the Union Jack flies above the airwaves tonight here on Royal Navy Radio, and Lieutenant Archie Kennedy is at the helm. I'm leaving the pirating to those who have the aptitude for it, and look more dashing with an eyepatch than I do.

Schooling

Evidently our chalkboards have taken to insulting people all by themselves, as poor Draco discovered. Such initiative! If only more of us students would show as much initiative.

Because Justice must remain ever vigilant, Advanced Criminal Justice met bright and early today as it does every Tuesday and Thursday, and discussed private investigators. And because sung music is a form of poetry, our own Professor Ted Logan was the guest speaker in Creative Writing . Not all Latin translations are a form of poetry; be that as it may, they were the subject in Classics and Foreign Literature, which was taught by Professor Calendar today in Professor Dream's stead.

In Sociology of Sex Cultures, the students gave group presentations on -- should I be glad I don't know what polyamory is? As it is, hearing about that class giving group presentations at all makes me unconscionably nervous. I'm sure the Chemistry students were nervous too, taking their final exams so far before the end of the semester. It seems Professor Camulus was acting very strangely in Arthurian Traditions, which studied Owein and the Countess of the Fountain. I don't think he took a chemistry final, though, so I have no idea what caused his odd behavior.

In Speech 201 and 301, the former wrote speeches about their time here at Fandom High -- oh, there's no end of oratory fodder there -- and the latter talked about messages from hesitant senders. This could or could not involve telephones. I still hesitate to use the damned things. Archaeology learned about ancient Egyptian religion, and Business Law and HR Management classes were cancelled. General Physical Conditioning had a choice between kickboxing and dance aerobics. Whatever aerobics are. They sound smurfy.

History of Medieval England discussed that most cheery of topics, the Black Death, while Western Civilisation talked about Jewish life in Medieval Europe. I was awake. Really. Films were the order of the day again in History of Art and Studio Art. In Political Campaigning, students watched advertisements. Political ones. Imagine that. Political advertisements in a class about political campaigning. So very shocking.

Just as shocking as John Crichton the Menagerie Man becoming a koala during today's Advanced Journalism class. So much for that shorthand they were supposed to submit today.

Of course the library was bustling. When isn't it? Does anyone ever get any studying done in there? I'm sorry to report that our librarian, Mister Wagner, was rather under the weather today. I hope you feel better soon, sir! Cameron and Parker were there, too, talking about myriad subjects including Professor Tick's smurfy class, Molly's smurfy party, and . . . smurfs. Yes. Parker also talked to Liz about . . . smurfs. Of the "men" variety.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

Office hours were held today by the disembodied Dean and . . . nobody else. Well, it's not as if he's ever out of the office anyhow.

In the school clinic, Doctor Pevensie was alone with a Peep, whatever in hell that means, as was Nurse Betty. Alone, that is. Not with a Peep. Or a Smurf. Doctor Lambert's evening shift at the FTEC was quiet as well, though Doctor Troy had a visit from Stark during the daytime. And there was something about a Plant Girl. I am not smurfing asking.

In the mess hall, Victor asked Blair for help with meditation and stress relief, and Ivanova later joined Blair and helped fend off emo with cookies. Cookies are very good for that sort of thing. Nadia, meanwhile, talked to Anders about tension -- yes, he'd know quite a bit about that, the lummox -- between friends before they were joined by Cally, who got Nadia's thanks for talking to Victor yesterday.

In the Crew Berths

The gym was busy today, with Cameron and Aeryn, Aeryn and the Menagerie Man, Alanna, and dear God in heaven, Rory all hitting things. Hello, Rory! See? I didn't forget this week!

Nadia and Pippi were in the fifth floor common room with pancakes, which is fortunate as my nautical flame-haired friend awoke craving pancakes today. Jake was painting Jaye in the second floor common room. How does one paint snark, Jake? Enlighten me, I beg you. In the fourth floor common room, Blair channel surfed, which sounds rather risky, though perhaps not as risky as the upcoming Risk Night sponsored by the Student Council. Here's a hint: Australasia. Get all the purple ones. The Russian front? Not a smurfing good idea.

Speaking of hints, random facts about Professor MacGyver were posted all over the dorms. And Victor left presents for Pip, Pippi, Al, and Cally and Anders. Damned nice of him, even if I don't know why. I also don't know who Phil Noir is, and why he and Jaye equal an -- oat-p? Ottup? How the bloody hell do you pronounce O-T-P?

Callisto and Angel showed no concern for morning breath as they woke up in a smurfy fashion, while Blair showed no concern for his roommate's sleep as he talked about Molly and kissing. Presumably in conjunction. There was apparently a great deal of enthusiasm, as there was with Walter, Victor, and Pup this morning.

Angel dropped by Anakin's room for a talk, and Ivanova stopped by Alphonse's room to ask him to walk into town with her. Parker, meanwhile, was busy doing that emailing thing. Jaye's room was busy too, with Elizabeth, Veronica, and Charlie Kawalsky all dropping by with presents. Cameron was there too. Well. That's just smurfy.

There was woe as well, for Angela, who had to leave us for a few days, and for Parker and Rory. Peter, on the other hand, was not so woeful, as he was rejoicing over having only two arms. Er. Peter? That is the normal number, you know. All right, so the money he received as well warranted the rejoicing. John the erstwhile koala and Aeryn had a date, which I assume is gleeful. Sam Carter had homework and chocolate, and thus was fairly evenly balanced out on the woe-versus-glee scales. Oh. And Cally and Anders were smurfy. Sharon, on the other hand, was peeping. Why in hell would you want to watch them?

On Shore Leave

The Perk was buzzing, with Jake and Isabel talking about being alien -- Isabel, that makes no difference to me, by the way -- and Alphonse and Ivanova discussing friends and bad feelings.

Er. Orlin apparently visited Agatha at Sparky Repairs today, as did John Connor. Or -- was that Orlin? Or Camulus? Or -- damn it, now I'm confused.

Meanwhile at Aereopagitica, Mister Giles was reading about yoga, and Nadia and Parker came to visit. Blair also stopped by, apologizing about flakes on a job application or something of that sort. No, I'm not wearing an eyepatch today. No, these smurfing notes still make no smurfing sense. At Empire Records, there was Marty and Glitter and crafts, and at Blood Gulch Arms there were Anakin and John Connor.

At All and Sundries, Orlin or Camulus and Camulus or Orlin stopped by, as did Ivanova, who told Edmund that Tonks is leaving. Camulus-or-Orlin-but-I-think-it's-Camulus was in the park, cheerful but alone. Parker and Jarod were, as my notes so smurfily and helpfully say, being Parker and Jarod. This is apparently significant for those who know what this means. Admiral Harrington, meanwhile, watched movies in the comfort of her own home.

Pippi stopped in at Cafe Fina for lunch, where Nadia and Victor had dinner.

Finally, at Caritas, there was singing, courtesy of Veronica, Phoebe, and yours truly. Phoebe and Bel relaxed in the lounge, while Piper and her sister caught up after Piper's trip back home. There was also politeness between Veronica and Bel, a chat between Veronica and Piper, tea party planning between Nadia and Veronica, testing of Veronica's patience by Quark, figurative-sibling conversation between Pip and Veronica, and Logan, who got invited to the tea party as well. And I talked to Veronica about California and the utter ridiculousness of my taking driver's education.

And that, dear Fandom, appears to be all the news I have for you tonight. So this is Archie Kennedy, striking colors and signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a very good night indeed. The smurfiest of nights, even!

Oh, and a word of advice, Crichton? Professor Skeeter's hair is not eucalyptus leaves. I'm sorry.

Hello and good -- I mean, ahoy, you scurvy dogs! Although is not Tuesday it is still Acting Pirate Radio, because tonight Acting Pirate Kennedy is the man at the wheel. Yes, Fandom, this is Archie Kennedy, the worst pirate to ever sail the airwaves, alone in my lofty perch here at the Crow's Nest II, because unlike some young, handsome, and innocent-faced Thursday night radio staff members I am sadly lacking in lovely broadcasting company. But I won't let a little thing like that stop me from bringing you today's log of activity.

Being Sunday, of course, there were no classes today. A few hours from now, it will be a different story, but I'll not argue with having that bit less to report tonight, and so we move on. *muttered* That's less time for me to sound like an idiot on the air, anyhow.

In the Crew Berths, and Despatches from Sickbay

In healthy pursuits, Cameron and Aeryn worked out in the gym, and Elizabeth went out running. Everyone seems to be in good health today, really, if the quietness of the clinic was any indication: Janet was all alone during the day shift, and the same held true for Stark in the evening. And yet, when injuries happen, they all happen at once. I'm beginning to think this is some bizarre sort of bonding ritual. Honestly, ladies and gentlemen, ship-to-ship combat wasn't that glamourous.

Speaking of glamour, the aftermath of yesterday's play was quite spectacular in several quarters. Blair woke up quite horrified, Lee and Sam dealt with the consequences of yesterday's chaos, and there was a cast party hosted in the Languages classroom by Professor Dream.

That "Take a Number" display outside Angel's room makes sense now: today's string of visitors included a hungover Alanna, a nagging Janet, a box-toting Molly, and I don't know why there's something crossed out right in front of the word "Box" in my notes, and Logan, during whose visit something called "ust" reportedly got all over the place.

Parker talked to Peter who shares her surname, as did Isabel. Incidentally, Isabel, welcome back, and I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to thank you earlier for the poster.

Bridge was tinkering in his room, and visited by Rory with cookies, and Parker inquiring about something I can't decipher. And no, before you ask, I have no information on Rory falling asleep in his room again. Sorry to disappoint. Certainly disappointed would be any of you looking for my close-cropped lookalike who seems to have . . . disappeared?

Jake sent email, Phoebe got very upset over a television program, Pippi was singing on the roof, and nobody including myself and my sources cares what Anders did, although Cally was apparently feeling much better today. Speaking of Anders, Sam and Janet evidently came to the conclusion that men are stupid. As Nadia had Walter over for a visit, I'm hoping she doesn't think so.

And . . . *sighs* The common room of iniquity and a constant infernal din was, as usual, iniquitous and noisy, what with Cameron and Jaye watching something called Lightning Bug and later joined by Rory who opined that they're cute (and said so to Angela) and therefore does not get a special hello, especially because she then flirted with Cameron herself. Jaye did not take this well, which in turn did not go over well with Cameron, and Rory was a "big ol' ho."

Normally I would defend her, but I am, for one thing, too ashamed that I actually understood what "big ol' ho" means, and for another I'm not feeling terribly inclined to leap to her defense tonight. Because nobody falls asleep on the air with me.

Nobody invites me to mysterious gatherings outside the basement, either.

On Shore Leave

The weekly Sunday brunch was at Jeff, the God of Biscuits today, and Mister Wonka carried on his most unique relationship with the town troopers. Also in attendance were Sharon, because the troopers were there of course, Jaye, and the Baron.

The Perkolator was bubbling with activity, and encounters between Elizabeth and Professor Jackson, Jake and Professor Jackson, Sam Carter and Professor Jackson, and . . . Parker and Jarod.

Alphonse and Sakura took a long stroll down Apocalypse Avenue and talked, Veronica visited Nadia at Empire Records, Silent Bob was in need of a hug, and the movie theater finished up its series of truly horrifying leprechaun movies. Wonka's was open, but no one was in the mood for candy, sadly. This must be remedied.

John and Aeryn were out at Galactica Point; Kiki visited Crowley at the Arms Hotel, and . . . *flurry of rustles, then a long pause* Camulus and Orlin did . . . things. Why is there chocolate on my notes? And how did Lucas get turned into a tree?

That is a very good question. And that, me hearties, is all the news in our fair town for the night. Wishing you a highly successful night of looting and pillaging, this is Acting Pirate Kennedy going off duty and off the air. And . . . *sighs* Arrrrrgh.

Hello and good evening to you, Fandom, on a very quiet Spring Break night here in our fair town. This is Acting Pirate Archie Kennedy, sober this week, thank you very much, and though you can't see me at the moment I am balancing an empty soda can on my head in lieu of wearing a hat. I'm practicing, you see. For what? Ask Cadet Carson. I trust all my fellow students who have remained over the break are enjoying the time off. For that matter, I trust everyone, in England and other parts unknown, is having a good time.

No schooling this week -- aren't we all lucky? And so we can move straight on to . . .

In the (Undermanned, This Week) Crew Berths

Not one to let such trivial matters as school holidays deter her, Janet spent the morning studying until Veronica dropped by. Actually, for all I know she could have continued studying the entire time, focused as she can be. Personally, I'm going to avoid books as much as possible this week. Studying of a different sort went on in the gym this morning, where Aeryn joined Cameron in some pugilistic pursuits; Peter Parker packed pensively, and now I've run out of clever alliteration, which is fortunate for you all.


Isabel was also rather studious tonight until Peter came by to visit. I . . . er. *sound of a sheaf of notes being flipped through rapidly* Belthazor was admonished by kittens to take care of Phoebe. Only in Fandom, ladies and gentlemen.

Anders was knocking on Alphonse's door at probably an ungodly early hour looking for help of some kind, and incidentally his girlfriend has given me permission to give him a black eye. I thought you all should know that. I was talking to Cally on the roof this afternoon while she worked on that flying contraption of hers. It was a very nice conversation. She invited me to watch a movie with her tomorrow.

In the second floor common room, meanwhile, Molly and Cameron were attempting to persuade Aeryn to dress up as a mutant lizard. No, I'm not even going to pretend I know what this means.

Alanna has returned to campus, Menagerie-Man Crichton was in his room, and really that's all the news from campus, except that Molly and Cameron were spotted heading into campus rather late in the evening. Curious, yet inconclusive.

Despatches from Sickbay

The town clinic was certainly busy today, with Angel still doing poorly. Molly and Cameron, Logan, John Crichton the Menagerie Man, Alfred, Janet, and Veronica all came to visit him during the day.

Meanwhile, on Doctor Lambert's evening shift, Angel had more visits, this time from Lana and Callisto. Agatha and Janet, who spends so much time in the clinic one would almost think she belongs there, also came by, though not to see Angel this time.

On Shore Leave

Welcome back to town, Baron! I see Alfred was on hand to greet you on your return. Jay and Silent Bob also resurfaced outside the Kwik Stop, though sadly ungreeted.

All and Sundries was open today. At Aereopagitica -- there, I said it! Ha! -- Agatha stopped in to thank Mister Giles for his recommendations, which caused her to be somewhat remiss in opening her own shop. Janet also stopped in and discussed Angel's situation with our redoubtable bookshop proprietor.

Kiki spent some time in the park, which is something I always mean to do and never get around to doing, and fed the ducks with Orlin; Tonks paid her a visit as well. Meanwhile, at Empire Records, Orlin was looking for "screaming music," and I quote. Now, by screaming music, does that mean excessively rage-filled vocalists, or music that causes one to scream, or music to cover up screaming, or . . . well, let's just leave that question unanswered. Please. I'm assuming the conversation about the Violent Femmes that was had between Lucas and Professor Cregg was unrelated to this screaming thing. I assume this for my own sanity, and perhaps yours as well. Assuming any of us have any sanity left.

*rustling paper as a page is turned over* Ah. Seems Professor Cregg doesn't know what "screaming music" is either. I feel better. *muttered* Anonymous sources, if you write notes like this on purpose to confuse me, I will find you out, I swear.

The lovely Veronica Mars, who bakes excellent cookies, I should say, opened Caritas tonight. Weevil, who does not in any way resemble a small parasitic insect that preys on bread at sea despite the obvious name connection, was there to see her. I myself was also there.

And that, fair citizens of Fandom, is all the news we have for you tonight. If my friends on the England trip (hello, Rory!) can hear this, have fun for me, you hear? And those of you who are still in town may want to consider taking the day trip to Baltimore this coming Thursday. There are ships! I know I'll certainly be there.

So on that nautical note, I depart the airwaves for the night with all sail set. This is Acting Pirate Kennedy bidding you all a fair wind and clear skies, or a jug of rum and a buxom wench or two if that's more your style, and good night. Arr.

Oh my God, I can't believe I just said that . . .

Hello and good evening to you, on this cool but pleasant evening in Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, which means that today is Tuesday, which in turn means that tonight in the Crow's Nest II, it's time for Royal Navy Radio. Remember, this is only on Tuesdays. All other nights of the week remain appropriately piratical.

Something I read this week leads me to believe that if I blather on too long, nobody will remember any of the things I actually report. Something about how it's seventy percent how you look, twenty percent how you sound, and only ten percent what you say? That doesn't leave me much to work with, so I'll not waste your time with too much pointless chatter. Of course, this may not work either, but in the name of the grand experiment, let's try it, shall we?

Schooling

Advanced Criminal Justice talked about Justice in Fandom, and how it works; we may not have actually reached a consensus on whether it actually works. It may be gainfully unemployed. I'm not entirely sure. Professors Chaucer and Dream switched classes today, with the former teaching about Dante in Classics and Foreign Literature, and the latter discussing the works of Edgar Allan Poe in Poetry. Rather a hellish theme for the day, but I could be wrong.

Introduction to Archaeology perused academic journals, Studio Art discussed the kind of balance that won't help you when you're running along a yardarm, and History of Art had a midterm exam.

Molarity, which I assume has nothing to do with teeth, was discussed in Chemistry today, Speech discussed aspects of power, which I assume is not in the electrical sense, and Political Campaigning discussed polling, which I'm not going to assume is a word related to "political," even though it could be. Further in concepts I don't understand, Business Law and HR Management respectively studied torts and professional development. Speaking of development, there was much pucking around in General Physical Conditioning, with floor hockey being the order of business.

Professor Camulus appears to be absent, as Phoebe stepped in to lead today's Arthurian Traditions class in a discussion of the Knights of the Round Table. One of whom apparently looks just like my best friend from back home, who, I feel the need to say, is not the same person as Hamlet's best friend from back home. At least, as far as we can tell. Jumping a little further ahead in history, History of Medieval England learned about the Magna Carta, while Western Civilisation studied the Roman Empire. Tomorrow, in discussion section, I'm going to ask Professor Pierson if Caesar was ever, at any point, a small yapper-type dog. He could have been John Crichton in disguise!

Speaking of John Crichton, our ambitious one-man menagerie, we have one more class to cover today: Advanced Journalism, where the biggest story of the day turned out to be that young master Crichton aspires to adorn the heads of as many students as possible, if Professor Skeeter's intuition proves correct. And he's well on his way to being quite a well-worn hat, an ambition with which both Rory and Xander were only too glad to help him.

*pause*

Evidently it isn't just the ladies at this school who find hats incredibly alluring. Not so alluring, perhaps, was Callisto's mishap with her Quick-Quotes Quill, which she stopped to discuss with Professor Skeeter despite not actually being in the Advanced Journalism class.

In the TA lounge, Kiki made tea, and only Vala and John Connor stopped by to partake. For God's sake, people, it's tea. Appreciate it, damn you.

Food, at least, was appreciated in the mess hall, where Blair, Nadia, and Kiki were reading, but Edward and Vala both ate alone.

In that den of revelry, the Fandom High Library, Angela, er . . . *pause, rustling papers, muffled "ergh?" sound* Erm, it says here that she asked Parker if Jarod was brokenated. I'm just not asking. At all. The lovely Parker-who-is-not-Peter discussed the upcoming school play with Jack Harkness and also with Vala, and later discussed Angela's graphic novel with Zero. Angela? Just how graphic is this novel? Not terribly graphic, I'm assuming, as you were reading it openly. Either that, or standards around here are even more lax than I thought. Logan Echolls wanted to get into Special Collections. I say, Logan, wasn't that bunny incident enough? And finally, Rory and Angela speculated on the Librarian's whereabouts.

In the Officers' Quarters, and Happenings in the Chain of Command

That school play? Acting Principal Finn announced that casting was posted outside his office.

Kiki dropped by Professor Chaucer's office hours, Professor Cregg and the Doctor had rather quiet office hours, and Professor Gilmore-Danes had visits from Doctor Grissom and from her daughter. (Hello, Rory!)

Doctor Tommy Oliver -- and I don't know why I feel compelled to call him by his full name, but I think it may be the smart doctor glasses -- left a note for his housemates today before leaving town on what I can only assume was sudden and unexpected business.

We also had a report that Vice-Principal Pierce was visited by Logan and Pippi late yesterday.

And in the Teachers' Lounge, questions about the Washington, D.C. trip were asked by Professors Pierson and Cregg.

In the Crew Berths

Lyta and Bridge were watching news and discussing fashion in the third-floor common room this morning. A fashion tip for you, Cadet Carson: wearing your best friend's girlfriend's body is not exactly a style to be aspired to. But really, that was days ago. The fourth-floor common room played host to Blair, plants, and pot; Ivanova got dirty with him, and Molly came looking for him as well. Jaye was demanding entertainment in the damnably noisy second-floor common room -- oh all right, I was there too. Yes, it's bloody noisy. Yes, it irks me when I'm not in there. But I was there. And there was much talk of people's posteriors, and jokes about muffins. Among other things. And in the fifth-floor common room, Pippi and Nadia endeavoured to understand A Midsummer Night's Dream. Which, I'm given to understand, has nothing to do with our Languages professor. As far as I'm aware.

*rustles papers* Oh, for God's sake, why did Cally and Anders have to be nauseating in my first-floor lobby? That's it. I'm frequenting the sixth-floor common room from now on. This is unconscionable.

The East Attic was busy today. In perfectly innocent ways, thank you, at least as far as my notes indicate. Nadia visited Veronica (who, I have to say, is a lovely girl despite all the scurrilous rumours people like to perpetuate about her) to talk about her trip to Washington, D.C.; Janet also visited Veronica with plans of some kind for Professor Skeeter. Piper and Phoebe later joined the lovely Miss Mars to talk about the new doctor in town, whose presence now qualifies Belthazor for membership in the Doppelganger Club, which isn't official but should be. Evidently Veronica had interviewed "Doctor Not-Bel,", as my notes call him, earlier in the day. Parker stopped by the East Attic as well.

Janet was studious, Blair was meditative, Vala returned from her weekend away, and Angel and Callisto were apparently a good medium for pen and ink. Victor received gifts from Walter as well as an update on the Washington trip, and Xander received his Jake-stolen clothes back from Krycek.

There was fraternal bonding between Cameron and Angel, letter-writing for Sam, letter-receiving for Ivanova, drawing for Alphonse, and pet-feeding and quiet time for Maia.

On Shore Leave

Plenty of activity at the book shop today? I, er, can't pronounce the name, but it looks lovely. Agatha was in, looking for a dictionary, Artie posed and looked for books, Jarod came by, and Nadia and Pippi came by for play help. Mister Giles also had a discussion about England with Alfred. I'm sorry I missed it.

Lilah was in today at Wolfram and Hart, Pippi and Marty discussed the D.C. trip at Empire Records, and Orlin stopped by Sparky Repairs to tell Agatha he was leaving town for a few days. This did not go over terribly well with Agatha. Honestly, Orlin, are you surprised?

At All and Sundries, Edmund helped my Driver's Ed classmate Ivanova find coffee, and Blair was on a pot search. Pippi danced with Jay and Silent Bob. I'm not sure what this signifies exactly but I'm sure I'd have liked to see it. My sources seemed to find it incredibly entertaining. Jarod was emailing over at the brothel where my not-girlfriend paid money to slap Cameron's arse.

Tonight at Caritas, Veronica had a strange day. Apparently that was even before she got to work. John and Veronica both sang, but not together, Lucas was at the bar, and Agatha complained about, and I quote, "guys and stupidity."

And finally, Blood Gulch Arms, where our lovely and deadly mayor is proprietor, was open today. Thus ends today's log of activity, and so also ends my watch here at the Crow's Nest II for the night. And so, Fandom, this is Archie Kennedy signing off, wishing you all fair wind and clear skies, and a very good night indeed.

Oh, and stay away from that couch in the first floor lobby.

Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, tonight with my hat, and very pleased to inform you that there will be no singing during tonight's broadcast. But at this rate, I'm going to be dreading the weekend, and that can't be good, can it? Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Archie Kennedy here in the Crow's Nest II, bringing you the log of today's activity here in our fair and quirky town on what, for the purposes of Tuesday night and Tuesday night only, will be known as Royal Navy Radio. All due respect, Barbossa, it's just -- appearances, you understand?

Not to waste time, let's launch directly into . . .

Schooling

Today in Advanced Criminal Justice, where it is only pure coincidence that most of last week's "study group" are on the roster, we were subjected to a lecture on vigilantism -- and yes, Mister Echolls, I heard that. I'd be more than happy to elaborate further on that point if you care to know. Yes, that's what I thought. Ha. I'm still not sure why Marty Blank was talking to himself in class, but if any of the ACJ students are seen doing so tomorrow, you may want to stay away. It may be communicable: Professor the Tick started doing it as well.

Japanese haiku were the topic of today's Creative Writing class. I don't know what they are, but I'm sure they were . . . er, creative. Kiki and Phoebe have not quite recovered from Saturday's musical endeavours, as their conversation in class may attest. My sympathies, ladies; neither have I. Professor Chaucer, I hope you're feeling better soon; my well-wishes as well to Professor Gilmore-Danes, whose Business Law and HR Management courses were again in the hands of her capable aide, Piper Halliwell, today.

In Classics/Foreign Literature, the former discussed the poetry of Hesiod's Theogony and the latter The Overcoat by Nikolai Gogol. Chemistry class studied mathematics today, a concept I can, for once, understand. Speech 201 and 301 met, and while the 201 class worked on arguments, 301 discussed trust issues. It's a good thing you didn't get guest speakers for that subject, Professor Cregg; you'd have at least half the population of this school to choose from, I think.

And talk of obituaries -- oh, that's cheerful -- er. *rustles papers* All right . . . who the bloody hell is this Lord Nigel Van Susteren who showed up in Advanced Journalism today? Oh dear God. John Crichton, was that you asking Professor Skeeter about her children and pretending to reminisce about England? For God's sake, man, you could have asked me if you wanted to maintain some semblance of realism. It's your own fault you were turned into a miniature elephant. Look, John, I've known people with ambitions of owning their own menagerie someday. I've never met anyone who wanted to be the entire menagerie himself before, but then you are certainly a unique individual.

Sociology of Sex Cultures watched some film called "Married in America" today, and I can't be sure from these notes whether that encouraged or deterred the students in the class from pursuing nuptial bliss in future. Well, time will tell, I suppose. Or possibly not. I continue to be perplexed as to the significance of Montana to Political Campaigning, but numbers about said place were the topic at hand there today. Speaking of numbers, the amount of reading material we Western Civilisation students are drowning in is formidable indeed, and the fact that we had to have an extra study session to go with the review in today's class should tell you all you need to know about that. A review session was also the order of business in History of Medieval England.

General Physical Conditioning did . . . er . . . tumbling today. I understand this involved mats. I will not be thinking further on this subject. You know, last I checked this wasn't a clerical school, but both Studio Art and History of Art took the unusual tack of employing demented nuns to do the teaching, and on a hopefully slightly less demented note, Arthurian Traditions learned about the Holy Grail.

During his office hours, Professor Chaucer was visited by Phoebe, Kiki, Belthazor, Paige and Professor Cregg, the latter of which also held office hours. The Doctor also held office hours, which apparently had something to do with diamonds and someone named Lucy. Notably, the Principal, the Vice-Principal, and both Deans did not hold office hours today. I wonder about them, sometimes.

Professor Logan's miniature giraffe Earl has deserted, and he is understandably sad about that. Best of luck in your search for him, Professor Logan! Hopefully he wasn't wrapped in a tarp and thrown into a lake by two women named Mary Ann and Wanda.

In the TA lounge, Krycek did crossword puzzles, and ate lunch with Angela in there, while John and Isabel discussed the tuxedo that helped turn Mister Crichton into a miniature elephant. The faculty lounge had chocolate croissants and some other, less unhealthy foodstuffs, and Professor Calendar called Professor Pierson a hick. I will not be looking up that word later, just for the record.

The library, opened as it is on Tuesdays by the lovely Angela Chase, was busy today. When isn't the library busy? At Fandom High, everyone says, "Come down to the library, we'll have a wild time, shall we?" Zero, who was in a bad mood, had queries about idiocy, and her mood was discussed by Angela and Parker, whose mood today was as lovely as she is. I'm not entirely sure why Marty had relationship advice for Belthazor, but there you have it, and he -- er, Marty, that is -- also had a conversation that my notes call "surprisingly friendly." Er, why is that so surprising? Clearly I should get out more. And finally in library news, Rory hates Tuesdays.

A pre-elephantized John Crichton was seen in the mess hall today, as were Broots and Pippi. Also present were Victor and Walter, who later joined Edward and Anders for food and conversation. Victor, Walter, and Edward, my condolences. Really.

Finally, Cameron Mitchell dropped in to see Doctor Pevensie in the clinic. And yet again none of you got detention today. My fellow students, why do you never face the music on Tuesdays? Curse you, Fate! I am thwarted again!

In the Crew Berths

For those of you with families back home, it's a good idea to write them once in a while. Today we had two fine examples: Xander wrote a heavily-edited email to his friend Willow, and Janet also engaged in some correspondence. Sakura attempted to do the same, but then Edward stopped by to see her. Anakin also wrote home and was shortly thereafter berated soundly by Molly.

Further on the correspondence front, Belthazor sent an email to the School Beautification Committee. And now I know that I have something in my email. If I can just remember how to check it.

In news of things not to write home about -- dear God, Angel and Callisto discussed "pretty threesomes," or so my sources say. Angel and a pre-elephantized John were sleepy, but despite Angel's best attempts at sleeping through Campaigning class, Marty rousted him from bed and made him go. Good man. Marty was also later seen talking to Bridge in the hallway. Oh, and apparently Parker and Janet were plotting evil, which could or could not be metaphorical, of course. Evidently this took the form of tossing Marty's clothes off the roof, nearly victimizing Xander in the process.

*pause* Well, at least it wasn't those cream-filled alien pastries this time.

Speaking of metaphorical, Anakin fixed Cameron's thingy, and was rewarded with a lesson about Valentine's Day. *rustles papers more* Oh. Gun thingy, I beg your pardon. Not that this clears things up much, I imagine.

In news of the ailing, Phoebe was in pain, apparently of both the physical and mental variety; she and Kiki commiserated over this. Sawyer was drunk, thankfully not in public. Walter was -- or perhaps was not -- ill, and if ennui can be appreciably counted as an illness, then Isabel was suffering as well. Up in room 326, Lyta was exhausted, but still fared somewhat better than her practically unconscious roommate.

People got sweaty in the gym, like you do. My God, when they say things happen in threes, I'm not entirely sure all this talk of threesomes is what they mean -- Cameron and Aeryn, yes, I'm addressing you. Luckily, at least I know now that the "study group activities" that Cameron discussed with Sam are not of the same ilk, unless that particular euphemism has already been appropriated for more prurient usage.

The third floor invited everyone to celebrate diversity with an International Food Fest; Parker who is not Peter got flowers.

And that damned noisy second floor common room was at it again. Tonight Cally was watching The Great Escape and recreating it in Lego. I tried to do some research on this film, but all I know is that it stars some American guy dropped into British films to make them sell. Angela and Peter dropped in. But in between Callisto and Cally comparing boyfriends, Cameron and Vala being, and I quote, "schmoopy," and -- oh, that's funny, Anders showing up when Cally revealed that she prefers her girlfriends with leashes, it's probably best if you weren't there.

I feel like I need a good bath now. Preferably naked under the deck pump, in plain sight of the entire ship.

To end this section on a happier note, Pippi dropped in on Pip, who was playing guitar.

On Shore Leave

In our fair and unusual town, Cafe Fina was open for business, and the Baron stopped in for lunch. One of these days, hopefully soon, I'll make a stop there. Jaye, when are you free? The Baron and Orlin both stopped in at Wonka's shop as well.

At Caritas, possibly the only place in town busier than the library, newcomer Natalie Lambert got quite the introduction to Fandom, before meeting with Zhaan in the park later in the night. Bel sang to get Phoebe back -- Phoebe, who was at the bar and got flowers. Evidence on whether these two events were related is entirely inconclusive. Orlin, at least, had a good day to celebrate in that esteemed establishment. The lovely Parker stopped in for her usual, and in the category of "not yet usual but may soon be," three of the clone troopers stopped in as well. They sang. As did Lorne. But not together.

*pause, mad flurry of paper rustling* Wait. Is this a bad joke? I'm not sure.

Speaking of Orlin's good day, apparently it started with a visit to Agatha, and continued by welcoming a Mister Giles to town. Zero also met Giles en route to Jeff, the God of Biscuits, and Cordelia met him as well. Apparently this was not their first meeting? Toss a coin, folks -- it could have gone either well or badly, and in this town the odds are even. The two of them later encountered Crowley and Kiki. Again, flip a coin. I wouldn't recommend a gold one. They hurt like the devil if they hit your knuckles.

Pip paid a visit to our lithe and deadly mayor at Blood Gulch Arms, while Professor Cregg got music recommendations from Lucas today at Empire Records. Myself, I'd like recommendations on how to figure out how to work the gadgets to play the damned music in the first place. Yes, I know I'm talking to you over the radio right now, but what do I know about how it works? I just talk into this microphone.

Tonight, though, I have nothing further to say into said microphone. Which is really lucky for all of you. My watch is over now, so this is Archie Kennedy signing off, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies, and a good night.

Hello and good evening, Fandom -- that is, good evening if you're either safe in the dorms or behind locked doors. Well, I suppose it's a good evening to you less than lawful elements running about out there and having your own kind of fun as well, isn't it? This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy bringing you tonight's log of activity here on our fair island, and at least making a nominal effort at keeping the pirate honest. (I'm only teasing, Barbossa. You'd hardly be as much fun if you were.) And yes, in case anyone was wondering, I have my hat with me. Sadly, it will not be contributing to this broadcast.

Moving on then, a debriefing on what happened today.

Schooling

Er -- Barbossa, today's school announcements suggested that you learn about libel, though given that this is a radio broadcast I'm not entirely sure what all that has to do with it. Someone evidently left the principal cupcakes, but I don't believe that has anything to do with his announcement about using caution while going through town. I got here without too much trouble tonight, but . . . well, let's see if I make it back home, shall we?

In today's Speech classes, 201 did work on anti-establishment speeches, while 301 discussed non-verbal communication. In the latter case, that seems awfully antithetical at first, doesn't it? As for the former? Well, I'm glad my old commanding officer isn't likely to get wind of that. Even if I'm not taking Speech, I can't imagine he'd be delighted. Speaking of my old commanding officer, I don't think he'd be too pleased by what I said in Advanced Criminal Justice, where we talked about Justice -- big surprise, that -- and organizations from our places of origin that carried it out.

Ballads and figures of speech, two topics that go quite well together, were the subject of discussion in Professor Chaucer's Poetry class today, while Foreign Literature took a quiz and then watched a movie. *slight pause* Do these films of yours count as literature these days? I have no idea. I'm still getting used to seeing pictures move, quite frankly. In Arthurian Traditions, and there's a subject that's given me a few headaches this week even though I'm not in that class either, students discussed the reading assignments for the term. I hope that turned out to be more exciting than it sounds on paper.

I won't even begin to pretend I understand this "Dalton's Law of Partial Pressure" thing that the Chemistry class studied today, nor for that matter the Philosophy of Law and Equal Opportunity Employment concepts that Business Law and HR Management talked about. *pause, rustling papers* What? Oh, I'll be damned -- er, pardon me. Professor Gilmore-Danes is pregnant? Congratulations to you and your husband, Professor!

Advanced Journalism, taught by my new radio colleague Professor Skeeter, discussed the investigations they were assigned to do last week. Western Civilisation, which let me tell you is quite the challenging course, had a lecture on Greek politics and war. *cough* I did not fall asleep, I'd like to note. Ah, England, a country much beloved by me, which is more than I can say for a certain close-cropped lookalike of mine. The Battle of Hastings was the subject of discussion in History of Medieval England. Now I want to know if it's taught differently here than it was when it was drummed into my head when I was younger.

Don't ask me what message grids are, but Political Campaigning learned about them today. And not that this is related, but in the Assistants' Lounge Parker got milk and cookies. The teachers' lounge was stocked with "junk food." Does that include those alien pastries that fell on me from the sky last week? Doctor Carter, Professor Chaucer, and Doctor Pevensie were there, as were Constable Fraser my new hat-wearing friend and the Doctor, Professor Dream, Professor Gilmore-Danes, and Doctor Grissom. Grissom and the Doctor had what my notes call a smirk-off, which sounds painful, the new counselor compared Professor Dream to someone named Aslan, and Doctor Carter asked Constable Fraser out. What is it with you women and hats, anyhow?

On that note, we segue into today's mess hall happenings, where Edward was apprehensive about chicken, my new nautical comrade Pippi made an appearance, Lana and Shep were, as my notes say, "cute," and . . . *harrumph* Anders ate with Blair.

In the library, opened today by the lovely Miss Angela Chase, there was quite the bout of activity. Don't you lot know libraries are supposed to be quiet places? Or is this quiet by Fandom standards? If that's quiet, I'd love to know how you'd describe the first floor of the dorms. In case anyone is curious as to who Zero Hopeless-Savage is, she's the one with the green hair at the moment. Peter Parker was questioned by Rory and the other Parker, the one who I can actually vouch for as being quite a good kisser, about the events in town last night. Speaking of Miss Parker, I really think that said kissing prowess should offset the fact that she was seen in sweats, which I gather are below her usual standard of dressing, talking to Angela about . . . bunnynappers? I learn more new words every day around here. If they're even truly words. Anakin was researching Jedi, and Angela had to deny Shep's request for *sudden violent bout of coughing* the Kama Sutra? My God, my commanding officer would have been appalled. Note that I don't include myself in that statement, thank you.

And finally, in class-related news, Doctor Pierson had a meeting with Vala. Professor Cregg held rather quiet office hours and the Doctor slightly less quiet ones, while Professor Chaucer's office hours had a bit of chatter going on. Doctor Carter spent some quiet reflective time in her office as well. Professor Sidle was doing paperwork in her office, and Doctor Grissom and Professor Gilmore-Danes were also both in the office today. That's very official of all of you, really. Well done, esteemed faculty!

. . . please forget I just said that last bit. My God. I'll never get used to this "live" thing.

Principal Smith was paid visits by my new comrade in headgear, Constable Fraser, and someone named Cole? *pause* I can't place the name, but I'm assuming he's a student. John Crichton (delivering his fraternity proposal) and Victor Borkowski made stops at the disembodied Dean's office, but sadly the lithe and lovely Dean Washburn received no visitors. Honestly, people, what is wrong with you? Given the choice, I'd certainly visit Dean Washburn over the other two. Er -- no offence, Principal Smith and Dean Zordon.

Some excitement in the clinic tonight: Vala got stabbed, which -- oh, damn, Vala, I hope you recover quickly. Marty and Peter came by to see our lovely new counselor, and the ever-exuberant Blair paid a visit as well.

No one received detention today, apparently, which means I am once again denied the opportunity to subject you all to my speech about floggings at the gratings. Please, someone get in trouble next time I'm scheduled? It's quite a fine speech, I promise you.

On to . . .

In the Crew Berths

Blair got more presents from his Secret Sibling, this time a ball and . . . plants clothes? No, that can't be right . . . oh, hell, I don't understand half the words you people sling around anyhow, so I'll go with it. He was also later seen advertising products made of alpaca wool, useful at this time of year, really, as Ivanova evidently thought, since she came away with some. Walter put up flyers for a new cafe in town, where I'll make a point of going if it gets less terrifying outside, Maia slid something under Chiana's door (my own preferred method of leaving messages, I'd like to say), and Anders went swimming with Victor and Walter. Please God, not like that, I don't want to know.

Marty was watching television in the second floor common room, which still somewhat resembles a ship after a broadside, and Jaye was doing things with glitter out in the hallway. *pause* Not those kinds of things, all right? I was there. I know.

Jessica Tate inadvertently went to the wrong dorm room, perfectly understandable as we're up to our ears in fuckin' castles dorm rooms, and also ventured by Lee's room, where Angel's notoriously adorable puppy Sean was spending the night. Lee, honestly, not like that, I hope. On a completely unrelated note, Marty was going over his class notes.

Pip has evidently decided he needs therapy. If I understand the colloquial meaning of that phrase aright, I think that goes for most of us here, Pip. Alphonse seems to have come into possession of . . . an egg. Which, in this town, has equally good chances of being innocuous or ominous. Molly dropped by Cameron's room to have a talk with him, and Anders, that bakery whore -- er, sorry, Dean Zordon -- came by with cupcakes. Speaking of cupcakes, Lee made some, and Angel sampled them. You see, Samuel? It's possible to make your own cupcakes. Not that I ever expe -- ahem.

Shep spent some time alone in his room, while Lana visited Kiki. *rustling papers* It says here that they were talking about Shep and sex -- don't you think one of you was in the wrong room, perhaps, ladies? Izzy and Janet went out for the evening; Nadia ventured off campus, and later talked with Walter and Maia at Galactica Point, after dark. Rather brave of them, if you ask me.

On Shore Leave

Depending on your definition of excitement, it's certainly exciting out there tonight.

Especially at The Fourth Sin, where it was over between GOB and Becky despite the fact that it never really started, Becky and Jarod talked about vampires, a fellow by the odd name of Quark stopped in, and a new arrival named Agatha came in to introduce herself. Er . . . it sounds rather innocuous in my notes, despite what one might assume about introductions in a brothel.

Angel and Callisto went patrolling, and by this point in the broadcast I can't be sure if that's a euphemism. If it's not, then Artie was doing something of the sort as well, on his way to Caritas. Agatha and the Baron met, Quark and Tex talked about elections, and Pippi and Puss were shopping at the Emporium, where Michael and Tobias were discussing the uneasy conditions in town. "Uneasy." Ha -- now that's a euphemism, I can tell you. Victor had no luck getting a key copied, sadly.

Marty and Veronica were seen at Luke's Diner, talking quite a bit. Jessica, Parker who is not Peter, and Jaye who also kisses quite well all stopped at Luke's as well. In other dining news, Alfred was in his apartment, preparing for the opening of his new cafe. I hope things have calmed down in town by then, though there's no telling around here, is there?

The Baron and Kiki were lounging about at Aziraphale's shop, where Kiki was later joined by Aziraphale himself, and Doctor Wilson, and comfort food. The doctor and Aziraphale spent some time alone in the shop later, as well. No mention of the comfort food, though.

*rustling papers* *uncontrollable snickering* Oh Samuel . . . Cally has an escort? Someone named Batou? Oh my God, I love it. If someone can take a picture of the look on his -- AHEM.

I don't know what a Kevlar vest is, but Professor Sidle was wearing one in town today, where she had an encounter with Aziraphale. And in the most alarmingly violent occurrences of the day, Isabel, Vala, and Janet had a nasty time of it with someone named Darla upon leaving Caritas tonight -- oh, I see, that's how Vala got stabbed. Dear God. Thankfully Parker was there to see people to the clinic. Many skills, that Parker. The aforementioned Darla apparently collapsed on the side of the road at some point, as well.

Speaking of Caritas, Artie was there, and "macking on" Veronica. I can't rephrase that if I don't know what it means, so I hope you do. Hmm . . . seems there was also a fight between Bel and Veronica inside Caritas that carried out onto the street. I wonder if anyone will get detention for this? Do you think if I take advantage of the atmosphere in town and get in a fight with Anders in the park instead of in the common room, I won't get in trouble for it?

Well, that's a question I'll ponder on my way home to the dorms tonight. My watch is over and that's all we have in today's logs, so my hat and I are signing off now. From the Crow's Nest, this is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy, wishing you all a fair wind and clear skies -- figuratively speaking, of course -- and good night.