WTFH

So, I've got one note. Apparently Mike was pumped for the New Year at Caritas and Kitty had some questions for him about his excitement.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk. I'm Johnny Storm. Hot guy. Super friendly. Waiting for some kind of action and adventure to happen here when I'm not out of town for an extended Thanksgiving vacation. Seriously guys, timing.

Anyway, new kids are showing up next weekend and before that is New Year's. I'm pretty confident I know who has dibs on me come midnight, but maybe I can play matchmaker here on the radio today. If you just want to get in some final introductions before the new kids take over or if you're looking for some New Year's lovin', give the Torch a call here at the station. We'll chat. I'll set you up. It'll be fun for everyone.

[OOC: No seriously, Sunday's gonna be a quiet day for me. Please ping in and/or e-mail me if you want a set up of some sort.]

So..... Quiet day. Tino was covering things solo at Caritas and Kitty was doing stuff on her laptop at the Perk. That's it.

So, I guess I have some time to kill. I'm gonna go to the movies. Maybe see Terrible Employers 2. Anyone who wants to spend some time with me, feel free to stop by. I'll pay for popcorn.

Everyone is still kids, right? So you're not gonna care what I say anyway? But I'm still going to do my job because that's what heroes do. So let's do this.

( Talkin' 'bout Kids Radio! )

And now, coming to you from WTFH, Fandom, America... The island's favorite new-time newscast in the style of old-time gossip columns, Pirate Radio!

*music*

Read live from the WTFH Studios in Fandom, America, today's broadcast stars Robert Benchley of the Algonquin Four as The Newsman! Pirate Radio is brought to you by the WorkJuice Corporation.

Hi, all my buddies. This is Robert Benchley with the news. Today's top story, Darby Donovan still hasn't made it on the Fandom stage, so it has that over New York. But that's about all you've got over them.

( If you don't listen to the Thrilling Adventure Hour, I apologize for the complete lack of sense being made today. )

My subjects. It's me, your Junior Royalty, Johnny Storm, thanking you for voting me as the specialist guy in my year. You guys are the best. And if you want any kind of makeouts or high fives as a thank you, you know where to find me.

But first, let's talk about the news a little bit.

( I'm coming home. I'm coming home. Tell the island via squirrels, I'm coming home. )

So, if anyone needs some fireproof luggage for the way home that can resist concentrated temperatures up to several thousand degrees, have I got a sale for you. Just ignore the notes saying, 'Not Smart Enough,' and 'Abandonment Issues,' and 'Commitment Phobic,' and my personal favorite, 'Daddy's Least Favorite.'

That last bag is a total dick.

Let's talk about what happened yesterday before these dick bags started following me around.

( Dick Bag Radio )

And that inspires me. And the fact that a satchel saying 'Wannabe Drunk" just hit me in the head confirms it. Anyone wants to party for the last morning here, let's go get plastered and maybe shove some cheap booze in all this free luggage we're getting!

What's literally smoking hot and doing radio on a different day than usual? That's right, it's me. Parents leave and I come back. Coincidence?

Big thanks to Kitty for covering yesterday, but I'm paying it back ASAP.

( It's like my regular radio but about 12 hours later. )

Okay, you know what? This is depressing as crap. I'm going to go get some cupcakes, then I'm going to take them to the dorm lobby, and anyone who needs cheering up gets one, a hug from me, and a pep talk.

Let's face it, Fandom High, the hero you need right now is the Human Torch, and I'm not going to let you down. Get ready to be cheered up.

[OOC: The Lobby Cupcake Cheer Up post is totally happening in the morning and will be SPed due to work. You will be able to mod getting a cupcake and a hug, though.]

Okay, okay, I'll read it. Just... just lay off, okay?

Ahem. Hello, my name is insert name here.

*chitters*

Look, I don't know it, okay? I didn't investigate or whatever. Fine. Whatever. My name is John Doe and I am here of my own free will. I was not kidnapped by squirrels who don't remember where they put the rum. However, if their rum is not found in the next two hours, they will lay waste to this town and school news.

*chitters*

The first card said "this town and" and the second card said "school news." Do you want me to--

*chitters*

Okay, I'll just keep reading.

( Tabula Radio )

Burn down the rubble. Oh, wait, there was another card with the threats. They will lay waste to the town and burn down the rubble. So people of wherever we are, help them find their rum or despair.

Oh, I forgot to mention it, I spotted this cabinet that says "RUM" like five cards ago.

*CHITTERS*

Yeah, it is kind of weird that there are those two empty spaces in the cabinet. You guys probably got to that before the memory thing happened.

*chitters*

No, dude, I've always had these super pointy boobs. It's cold in here. So I'm going to get going now that everyone's happy. By the way, I'm throwing a Let's Make Some Mistakes We Won't Remember Party on the third floor of the dorms today. I'll supply the refreshments, you guys supply yourselves! Especially the cute girls.

Oh my god, squirrels really do run this place. This is amazing and creepy and weird and awesome.

Anyway, hi! I'm Johnny Storm, world-famous superhero on my world, apparently attention-whoring radio broadcaster here. But my attention whoring serves some purposes. I'm here to inform with all of the juicy gossip the squirrels - I again repeat, SQUIRRELS - have handed me. And I'm also here to make sure you get to know me. So hey there, you with the radio. Just so you know, I'm talking directly to you. Especially the ladies. Sorry, fellas, it's just the way I swing, but I still appreciate fan letters and Gary Stu fanfic from you, too. Just strive to make it flattering and not creepy. 'Kay?

Okay then, let's get this news train moving!

( You realize that it's a bad thing to give this guy a microphone, right? )