Ahoy there, you scurvy dogs! This is Acting Pirate Archie Kennedy, flying the Jolly Roger on the airwaves for the last time. Next week I should be under my own colors again. Not that I've regretted this little experiment, but it's hard to read my notes with this eyepatch on, and anyhow I think it's best to leave the pirating to those best suited for it, don't you?

Anyhow, yes, this is Acting Pirate Kennedy, once again alone here behind the microphone. Unlike the rest of you. Actually, I'm not complaining. Merely pointing that out. I'd also like to point out that my uniform has shiny buttons in abundance.

*pause* Really. I smurfing swear.

Schooling

Welcome back to Political Campaigning, Professor Lyman!

The water fountains were dispensing Hawaiian Punch today, according to the school announcements, which also sent us mixed messages about the acceptability of betting on sporting events.

Today in Advanced Criminal Justice, we were split up into pairs to begin work on our class projects. There was talk of folder helmets, bribery, haves and have-nots, strenuous activity, Darwin, and Smurfs. I learned a new word! It may be obscene! But it's very versatile! I also came to the startling realization that Professor Tick may be, secretly, completely smurfing evil. In Classics and Foreign Literature, the former conversed in Latin while the latter discussed Japanese authors. Creative Writing discussed poetry, while Speech 201 and 301 wrote comedic speeches and discussed rearranging their class schedule, respectively.

Chemistry class was cancelled, but not so much Sociology of Sex Cultures, with a lesson about polyamorous cultures and please God, let certain students in that class not get any damned smurfing ideas from it. Certain other people, on the other hand . . . er. If people would get ideas from Business Law and HR Management on the other hand, that might not be such a bad idea, as contracts and labor laws were the topics of the day.

In Archaeology, Doctor Jackson lectured the class on ancient Egyptian religion, and we discussed the Islamic world in the Middle Ages during Western Civilisation. Professor Camulus was awfully cranky in Arthurian Traditions, which makes it a good thing that he wasn't in General Physical Conditioning, where archery was the order of the day. Both History of Art and Studio Art had films today.

And let's be honest: the real reason any of you pay any attention whatsoever to this section of the broadcast is to find out what's happened to John Crichton the Menagerie Man this week, isn't it? Well, Advanced Journalism was assigned to create a shorthand writing form. Which would be difficult for John Crichton, who had no hands due to being a tiny snake. On a plane. And then on Rory's head. And Professor Skeeter's desk.

All of this while apparently thinking he was a gay cowboy on top of . . . gay cowboy? Is there another kind?

Ah yes, the library. How could we forget? Opened on Tuesdays as per usual by the lovely Miss Angela Chase, the library played host to a conversation between Angela and Zero about breakfast, Parker and Angela about Angela's good mood, the future, Cameron's outfit which does not have shiny buttons like mine, although Angela thought it was nice regardless. Johnny the gay cowboy Crichton also paid a visit, talking to Angela and to Zero who recorded him, and did something called the YMCA for Angela and Rory. Speaking of Rory (hello, Rory!) who is not a "big ol' ho,", she came in to tell Angela that Anakin is back. Welcome back to you too, Anakin!

Oh, and in the mess hall Pip, Pippi, Walter, and Victor discussed yesterday's Tactics of War class and camping, which may or may not be a euphemism.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

Principal Washburn, who is lovely and should get more visitors, held office hours today, as did a very gleeful Vice Principal Pierce and a likewise happy Dean Zordon. *pause* All right, I refuse to believe that last part. There is nothing happy about the Dean.

Professor Cregg also held office hours today.

Despatches from Sickbay and the Crew Berths

The school clinic was empty, but Professor Calendar and Mister Giles dropped in at the town clinic.

Oh, and huzzah! Anakin is back! I know I said it already, but it's worth saying again, smurf it.

Culinary ambitions abounded in the dorm tonight, as Pippi prepared pancakes on the fifth floor. I'm rather sorry I didn't drop by there, or by the fourth floor common room, where Isabel was cooking something called puttanesca and there was plenty to share. Janet, Lana, and Broots shared in the cooking duties, and Cameron joined in to partake of the finished meal. And because she is a kind young woman, she dropped by Peter's room with some of the food later on.

Angel and Callisto had a misunderstanding, it seems, but things have since been cleared up, although apparently our brooding vampire did something to, I quote, "freak Logan out." Jaye gave Cameron his costume, and again I point out that mine has shiny buttons. Not that his lack of shiny buttons deterred Gay Cowboy Johnny from putting the moves on his lookalike. A lack of shiny buttons didn't hinder Bel in that regard either; apparently gay cowboys don't care about shiny buttons. *sniffle* Other recipients of Gay Cowboy Johnny's attentions included Pip and Anakin who got jeans out of the deal, while Elizabeth and Victor witnessed and -- to put it charitably -- marveled at the entire phenomenon. I missed it, but at least Parker got pictures.

In the morning, Janet and Liz had bondage time. Er. Bonding. Damn this eyepatch. Walter's bot was being annoying, and again that may or may not be a euphemism. Oh, and Aeryn got to meet Gay Cowboy Johnny, which I imagine was quite the spectacle. Did anyone get pictures of that?

In the smurfing den of smurfiness that is the second floor common room, everyone was glad to see Anakin so I can't begrudge them their commotion tonight: Rory, Cally and Anders, Molly, and Angela. Cameron showed off his shiny-button-less hero pose to Molly, and Jaye admired his outfit as well, and -- God smurfing damn it, people! Does no one smurfing appreciate the shiny smurfing buttons?

On Shore Leave

Lucas is no longer a tree, which made Nadia happy. I imagine it makes Lucas happier, though. Parker woke up . . . where? *coughs* Well, I'll be smurfed. She went back there after class, and there was Easter egg dying.

Kiki visited Crowley at the hotel, where she helped him with preparations for some event or other, and a driving lesson apparently took place. Driving is very traumatizing for me. I can only hope the same didn't hold true for Kiki and Crowley. Something went on with Crowley in the penthouse suite at the Arms tonight, but I've only just gotten this news in and have no details. Nor do I have details on the Baron's presence at the Mauvaise Chance Apartments tonight, sadly.

At Aereopagitica, Professor Calendar came by to visit Mister Giles, and -- ah, so that's why they dropped by the clinic. Poor Mister Giles, I hope you feel better. Batou opened Sanctity today, and Agatha was distracted while at work. Let's hope the Coffee Appreciators' Society meeting at the Perk wasn't quite so distracted. I hate to think of distraction mixed with all that caffeine.

At Quark's Bar, Crowley met with Paige and Orlin; Orlin also stopped by All and Sundries, as did Isabel, in preparation for that wonderful-sounding dinner that I now strongly regret missing. *sound of stomach growling loudly* Avast, you!

Oh, smurf me, I nearly forgot Caritas, where Veronica opened the club tonight. Piper dropped by and was later joined by Lindsey, and I was there too.

And finally, I am not asking why Jaye got caught stealing things at Empire Records. That's all the smurfing news I have tonight, which is a good thing, because this smurfing eyepatch makes it smurfing hard to read my smurfing notes, and it smurfing itches.

So, for the last time, Fandom, this is Acting Pirate Kennedy, who needs to stop saying "smurf," departing the airwaves for the night and striking colors. Next week, anticipate the return of Lieutenant Kennedy, flying the Union Jack on Royal Navy Radio once again. But it has been my dubious pleasure for the past several weeks to be the world's worst pirate for you all. Good night, Fandom, and join me in a final cask of rum and one last night of looting and pillaging. Arrrrgh, mateys!

[OOC: Sorry for the delay, folks, my coding went stupid and I had to go through and check link by link to fix it. A huge, huge thanks to rory__gilmore for helping me find the problem.]