Hello, hello, and a smurfy good evening to you, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy here at the helm of Royal Navy Radio on a quiet Tuesday evening that is, thankfully devoid of slime and sudden localized downpours. Although there are furry little ducks on bouncing sticks, but I'll elaborate further in a bit. Really, that's about normal for this town, isn't it?

Schooling

There were shouting platypuses. Platypi. Something. On pogo sticks. Or so we were informed in this morning's announcements, anyhow. Dean Zordon made sure to inform us that Paul Revere did not, in fact, shout "The British are coming," and honestly, I know there's a stereotype about us being more proper and dignified than you Yankees and all that, but is it really necessary to announce that as though it's news? Or . . . damn it. That wasn't a euphemism that time, was it?

Advanced Criminal Justice this morning talked about various theories of justice. Class discussion ranged from the whimsical to the truly awkward, as did the theories we discussed, really. Speaking of whimsical, Arthurian Traditions was lectured on Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Whatever that is. Look, the name was whimsical, all right? Er. I'm told it's a film.

Continuing in the tradition of film-watching classes, History of Art and Studio Art upheld that tradition in fine fashion.

Languages classes proved that it really is possible to span the globe in the space of an hour, as the Foreign Literature section discussed African literature, and the Classics students studied Roman mythology. Introduction to Archaeology, meanwhile, was still back in Egypt. Who needs all this confusing technology? Apparently classes are a versatile means of transportation, at least if one has an imagination sufficient to the task. And then there were the coalitions talked about in Political Campaigning, and as usual I have no idea if they're anything like what I think they are.

While Speech classes, business classes, Advanced Journalism, History of Medieval England, and Western Civilisation prepared for their final examinations, Sociology of Sex Cultures actually got some. Farewell, Doctor Grissom; best of luck to you.

*furious flurry of rustling papers*

Dear God in heaven, I have absolutely no reports of John Crichton being turned into an animal today. Repent while you can, dear listeners, the end is truly nigh. Oh, and General Physical Conditioning played volleyball again today.

Mister Wagner opened the library today, and while Parker was in and out like a shot during first period, she came back during second period, during which Angela was also there, talking to Mister Wagner about work-related matters, and then to Parker about camping, birthdays, and probably smurfiness as well. Zero was there as well, talking about Mole Men -- are they anything like Smurfs? Parker was very helpful today, assisting our esteemed librarian in finding the coffee maker, and then shelving books.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

Our lovely, if formidable, principal held office hours today and kept a lookout for those perambulating platypi. Professor Cregg held a private tutoring session with Phoebe in her office, and no, that's not a euphemism, thank you very much. I can tell, because my notes are stunningly mature on the subject. At sunset this evening, Admiral Harrington enjoyed a glass of wine in her home.

In the mess hall, Blair had lunch with Ivanova and a bear, and Pippi had no shortage of appetite.

The student body, by and large, continues to be remarkably healthy as the infirmary was once again empty. Doctor Troy's shift at the FTEC saw Kiki checking out, and Lilly . . . still dead. She's stable, I'll give her that; she was still dead during Doctor Lambert's shift in the evening. Three cheers for consistency!

In the Crew Berths

Oh, that's it. It's truly the end of the world. The second floor den of iniquity was completely quiet today. Two of my fellow birthday celebrates from yesterday, Angela and Peter, were in the third floor common room though, talking about Vanessa Saturn and, er, ships? Ships? What? When I wasn't there? And there was socialization of the female variety, as Faithful and Angela's cat Min had a lively conversation of their own.

And then Pippi put up prom posters! People will have the opportunity to be chauffeured to the prom in vehicles known as golf carts and, presumably, arrive in more style than simply walking. Not that walking doesn't have its merits, but really, we do that every day around here. It's exercise, really, much as Pip and Ivanova were getting in the gym tonight.

This morning in the East Attic, Veronica had coffee with Marty, and Phoebe and Bel had a long talk in the South Attic, while down on the third floor Callisto and Angel woke up together. Why do I report these things? They do this all the time! Er. Callisto and Angel, that is. And Phoebe and Bel too, most likely.

Victor is gone, it seems, and left notes for several people before his departure, including Walter and Nadia.

Did I mention the platypi? Nadia certainly saw them. Pippi did too. What odd little creatures. But really, it's the pogo sticks that perplex me. Or perhaps it's just the word pogo.

Later on in the day, Callisto and Angel were smurfy -- no, really, my notes say nothing -- and Rory stopped by to visit Aeryn. Hello, Rory! There was discussion of rings and the nefarious evil of the color pink, and Professor Skeeter, and, er, none of those things are related, I presume. I don't want to turn into an animal, Professor Skeeter.

And -- as you do -- Sharon was reciting poetry to her plant. It's possible her efforts were not received terribly well.

On Shore Leave

Kiki is out of the clinic, and that's good news. She and her mother had a talk in the park today before her mother left again. Also in the park, Alfred was feeding the ducks. Was it gourmet duck feed, I wonder?

Er. *pause* What is duct tape, and why was it on Edmund's pants?

*sound of a chair scraping against the floor* What the hell?

*sproing* *sproing* *sproing* "The regulars are out! The regulars are out!"

Oh, shut up, y -- ouch! Oh, that's it. A platypus squashed my hat with its pogo stick. It's dead to me, do you hear me? Dead.

Sparky Repairs was open and Agatha was in, and Nadia dropped in to talk about smurfy things with Marty at Empire Records today. Parker also had a smurfy conversation with Marty. Hello, Marty! Did I mention it's good to have you back?

Out by the causeway, Rory taught Anakin to drive. I have received no reports of damage or injuries, and neither of them ended up in the clinic, so I'm assuming it went well.

Orlin made a romantic dinner for Camulus. I wish I could cook. Well, I can, but the end result is far from romantic, I assure you, unless you're the sort of person who finds romance in charred ruins. At Jeff, the God of Biscuits, Pippi shanghaied GOB and his moose into chauffeuring those golf carts for prom. I say, well done, Pippi!

. . . does the moose drive too, GOB?

Oh, and Veronica was at the trooper station. I don't know what went on. We never know what goes on in there. It's one of the great mysteries of Fandom. Every town has to have its enigmas, you know. Not so enigmatic was Cafe Fina, where Pippi and Mister Neilson had dinner and visited Walter, then helped him "study monkey."

I hope that isn't one of our ubiquitous euphemisms. I choose instead to believe that this is for Creature Languages.

Ah, and Caritas. It was busy tonight, and highly entertaining as well. My smurfy partner in crime Advanced Criminal Justice projects, Cameron, showed up as promised to sing for Veronica. Molly was with him too, for the mockery value. Isabel and Veronica patched things up, which can only be a good thing, and Kawalsky talked to Veronica about the prom. He apparently also talked to Sam Carter about the prom on Cameron's behalf. Not that Cameron found out about it until after the fact. Charlie, I think there may be a slight issue with the order of how to do these things here.

And there was, and I quote, a guy in funny clothes" who was also "talking to Veronica and Isabel, but I don't remember anyone in --

*sputter*

I have an anonymous source to kill, I do believe.

And there was entertainment ranging from the polished to the surreal, courtesy of Veronica, Cameron extolling the virtues of survival in a way that was inebriated and highly amusing, and Kawalsky with a paean to virginity.

. . . and on that note, I conclude tonight's log, as that is all the news for the day. This is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off -- and I wish all of you a fair wind and clear skies, and a smurfy, pleasant night.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a platypus to catch. Come here, you --

*muffled scraping and sounds of a brief but spectacular scuffle just before the microphone shuts off*