Hello and good evening, Fandom! This is Lieutenant Archie Kennedy here, debriefing you on today's activity here in this fair if bizarre town and -- no, damn it, sod off! Beg pardon, folks, there was a lemur on my hat. Anyway as I was saying, this is Archie Kennedy at the helm, here on Tuesday night's Royal Navy Radio. Not to waste time so let's get right to it, shall we?

Schooling

This morning in Advanced Criminal Justice, we watched television. I still don't understand what's going on in that Crime and Punishment show. We also learned that we'll be getting a guest speaker next week in class, and this news was greeted with . . . rather strong reactions from some quarters. In Classics and Foreign Literature, the former read a fable from Ovid's Metamorphoses while the latter had a quiz. Political Campaigning talked about television advertising, women in Arthurian times were the subject of Arthurian Traditions -- imagine that, and Business classes worked on their final projects. In Speech classes, the 201 students worked on their speeches about what they've learned from Fandom High, which should be very interesting indeed and the 301 class was overrun by lemurs. Not surprising as the whole school was.

Introduction to Archaeology discussed Egyptian animals and took a quiz on the gods and goddesses of Egypt; in not entirely unrelated news, General Physical Conditioning worked on flexibility and Sociology of Sex Cultures worked on a project about erotic art. You know, some of us just call this pornography. I hear this Internet is very good for that sort of thing.

Western Civilisation discussed the Crusades and the High Middle Ages, and no, Jesus was not a white man from Oxford, History of Medieval England talked about the War of the Roses, and that charming rogue of an art teacher was mysteriously missing from both History of Art and Studio Art.

Finally, in the class news you've all been waiting for, Advanced Journalism compiled questions to pose to their interviewees. And it's a good thing that John Crichton the Menagerie Man, who seems to be talking to himself lately, got turned into a miniature zebra today, and not a lemur. His coat would have matched their tails nicely though, stripes and all.

In the library, Angela and Parker had a talk about Jarod and about Marty leaving, the latter of which was also discussed by Rory and Angela. And in the mess hall Walter, Pippi and Nadia were having a pleasant enough lunch until the lemurs broke it up.

Happenings in the Wardroom and the Chain of Command

Professor Cregg was in her office and hiding from the lemurs . . . oh, speak of the devil, off my leg! Off my leg! Dear God in Heaven, what are you -- oh, for God's sake.

*muted sounds of a brief but spectacular scuffle, followed by a loud thud and several moments of silence*

And Professor Camulus was attacked by some odd furry elephant-like creatures and I'm just not asking.

By and large, you students are a fairly healthy lot; nobody came by the school clinic today, though Lilly Kane was in the town clinic during Doctor Troy's shift and presumably during Doctor Lambert's as well.

Over in the TA lounge, Bel and Isabel were there, talking about -- well, that's an interesting range of subjects -- coffee, powers, kissing, and alcohol. Not all at once, I hope. That could . . . *cough* Yes. Well. Anyhow. Bel also had a talk with Phoebe in the lounge.

In the Crew Berths

Nadia and Parker were in the gym this morning, getting smurfy; Jaye got a package -- no, not that kind, now that I've learned that particular euphemism. My class partner in smurf, Cameron, was watching television in the second floor common room with Molly and a lemur. *pause* Even lemurs like television, apparently. Given that the second floor common room is habitually a den of debauchery, I am hoping like hell that this was not the case tonight. Luckily the fifth floor common room is not so given to vice; that's where Pippi was tonight.

And posters went up today announcing that the kissy event will be taking place after classes tomorrow. I voted. I hope you did too.

In other smurfy news, Callisto and Angel woke up and were smurfy, Aeryn checked in on Cameron who met someone named Scorpius, and I was locked in my room all weekend so I have no idea who that is. Jaye finally got some sleep, and Nadia woke up feeling strange. That sometimes happens after nightmares, as Ivanova had, but waking up was perhaps more pleasant for Logan who is no longer a bunny for the second time. Mister Echolls, do try and stay human from now on? I've given up on Crichton, but there's still hope for you. And no, the lemur that Aeryn encountered was not John Crichton, obviously, as he was a miniature zebra.

*pause and snicker* Always a miniature, John. I wonder about that.

No, Anakin was definitely not happy about his Master coming to visit; I didn't realize that drunken banthabell playing and singing was a Jedi calming technique. I know that now, though. Cally and Samuel discussed the girlkissy poll and yes, Cally, I voted for you.

Among things that were given out, Walter gave Nadia boots, Parker sent email to Jarod, and a lemur gave an email-writing Angela a bite. I hope you're all right, Angela!

Rory was not so all right, though. Would a special hello cheer you up, perhaps? Hello, Rory!

On Shore Leave

GOB was seen at Blood Gulch Arms today. I'm told this is a very bad thing. Jaye was at Sparky Repairs with her laptop and, er, a whore, which reminds me that at the Fourth Sin Jarod was sending email. At Aereopagitica, Parker picked up a video, while Professor Camulus replaced some books of his that had gotten eaten. Honestly, how hungry do you have to be? He was later at Orlin's, though. Orlin, I hope you fed him.

At All and Sundries, Walter was in the women's footwear section, and Ivanova checked in. Speaking of checking, Walter and Orlin both admired the new sculpture in the park, Jaye stared at a whore's chest -- and I have no idea if this was the same whore I mentioned earlier or not -- and Nadia ran into Ivanova while running. Wait. That last bit has nothing to do with checking. But anyhow.

Cafe Fina was sadly empty tonight, but Angela stopped by Caritas, as did I before walking Veronica home after closing, and Nadia, who made lunch plans with Veronica for tomorrow.

And, ladies and gentlemen, that is all the news in our fair town tonight. So this is Archie Kennedy striking colors and signing off for the night, wishing you all a fair wind, clear skies, and the smurfiest smurfiness that ever smurfed your smurf.