WTFH

Good morning, Fandom! For those of you hiding under blankets and praying that our ridiculousness had maybe escaped the squirrels--welcome back, by the way-- and their notebooks, well. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but they have the receipts.

Literally. Apparently they charge double for weird weekends.

*pointed chittering*

Yes, I remember that in the contract. I apologize. Let's just get started, okay, and then we can all mutually agree to never discuss this again.

The school was quiet, but in the dorms, Nina had set up a maze in the second floor common room to give her...jelly demon and Vette, who's still a bird, some Mortal Peril to travel through.

*chittering*

The squirrels think it's worth noting that Nina was completely herself. Just...going with it. Shuri stopped in to see if Nina had any news on Wayne and his Amazing Destiny this weekend, and Nina honed right in on why Shuri would be so invested. There was a lot of overly complicated romantic plot lines this weekend.

*chittering*

We'll get to my own idiocy in a bit, okay? Sabine was a little confused at first about who she should talk to in a common room without men, but recovered enough to tell Nina the best way to attract a boyfriend was by changing everything about herself.

*long pause*

I think we all know today that that is terrible advice, right? It was kind of terrible yesterday, too, to be honest. Sidon burst into the common room to announce to Vette--still a bird, by the way--that he has renounced the crown in order to be with her. Nina was annoyed because he ruined the plotline she already had going with the maze and the jelly demon and...yeah. At least Sabine was happy about the romantic declaration?

And speaking of romantic declarations, let's head to town where Jaina and Tahiri were getting married. There were several people in terrible bridesmaids dresses, Sidon had his romantic revelation, and secret prince Anakin--complete with purple hair--was putting the moves on Octavia. I'm sure that'll be completely not embarrassing this morning. Speaking of not embarrassing, Rey made a passionate declaration of love to Luke at the reception and did not get killed by either bride, so good job, Rey! Oh, and the brides got married, which was somehow the least dramatic part of the day.

Atton was in his right mind and opened Caritas, which meant he got to hear about Sia's woes and how she might need more than just a part-time fake boyfriend.

There was a shoot-out in the clinic, so can everyone check on Breq and Tisarwat today? Rey raced over to Duke-the-actual-duke-apparently's boat to tell him all about her new love life and then they got chatting about how things might have been if they weren't so very committed to being just friends and I think we've all seen at least three Lifetime movies about how this ends.

*chittering*

There's nothing wrong with Lifetime movies!

And speaking of Lifetime movies, Tony tried to annul our marriage--we aren't married--and there was a lot of...oh, the squirrels have flags out again. Yeah, it was a little much, and also none of your business.

And that's it. Everyone get out from under the covers, go down and buy some "sorry I was out of my mind this weekend" cards and start moving on. This is Steve Rogers, no longer a penniless hero with a troubled past, and I'm going for a run.