Turtle: Good evening, fellow Fandomites! And an especially big greeting to all our new students and teachers! There sure are a lot of you, and I tried to meet most of you, but to those I missed, hi! I'm Turtle Wexler, and hopefully someone's told you about radio and that's why you're listening! I'm here to report to you all the day's events, the interesting and the uninteresting, as provided by the island's intrepid, drunken squirrels.

Valentine: Very drunken, by the looks of it.

Turtle: Oh, yeah! And, everyone, meet Valentine Wiggin. She's new here, but we got to talking about radio, and she was very curious about it, so she'll be joining me today.

Valentine: Hi. I'm just a little fascinated that you have squirrels that collect the news of what happened during the day, and then someone actually reads it off for everyone to hear.

Turtle: You catch on quick, Val. You'll be a natural at this! But let us not waste time, and let us get to the part you really want: the news!




SCHOOL

Turtle: Nothing happened at the school today because classes don't start until tomorrow.

Valentine: If nothing happened, is it really necessary to mention it?

Turtle: Yes.

Valentine: ...okay, then. You are the veteren here.

Turtle:...you'll do just fine here, Valentine. Just. Fiiiine.

DORMS

Turtle: Sam Winchester linkdropped hung out in his room, and, of course, Peter comes by and they're all couply before the Couple Doom that is Cabins, and they talk about newbies. Claire in particular, it looks like.


Valentine: While visiting Claire, Fiona discovers that she missed shirtless boys, which apparently means there needs to be more shirtless boys.

Turtle: How could you miss shirtless boys? They're everywhere...

Valentine: Not nearly enough. Apparently. According to the notes. And far be it from me to argue with squirrels. Priestly also met Claire and talked with her about whether or not parents sucked, while Dinah and Claire talk newbies and plan a shopping trip. Ben and Ender talked about me before a possible trip to Ben's universe. A little roadtrip might do the two of them good. Especially since I'm sure Ender will avoid doing things on the days I do this from now on.

John packed for the cabins, although Jaina seemed more inclined to stay in the dorms. I'm flattered, roommate. Rachel did some meditation.

Turtle: Francine called up her mom, and Jess made parental telephonage, too.

Valentine: This morning, Leto was playing his glorified guitar on the roof, where I met him and listened to him play a little.

Turtle: Just listened to him play?

Valentine: Yeah. It was...interesting.

Turtle: Of course it was. Anyway, Romeo came up there, too, and chatted with Leto a little bit about how he feels a little at loose ends with so many of his friends having gone.

...I know how you feel, Romeo...

Valentine: Jennifer in the third floor common room is a little stunned by the selection of channels offered here, and there's a polar bear on the fourth floor.

Turtle: I know that polar bear! He offered Leda some ice cream once she figured out that he wouldn't eat her, while Diana compliments the polar bear's taste in movie choice. Jon got some Coke from the bear, and, you know, that really was a pretty iconic advertising campaign, you've got to admit. Jon and Diana discuss whether their parents would have sent them here if things like polar bears was in the brochure. Jon and Leda catch up on how the other's doing, and Fiona was just surprised Jon might have gotten to see the brochure. I swear, there's, like, fifty different ones, none of them saying the same thing. Fiona isn't hungry for the polar bear's popcorn, while she talks with Leda about whether or not there are polar bears or TVs in her world.

And, polar bear? If you're listening to this? You're still awesome. But still so not cuter than Anders. Close. But no cigar.

Valentine: And later tonight, Dinah was on the roof to hold a Nerf boomerang throwing practice. Is the roof usually this popular?

Turtle: For things other than emo? No, not really.

*chittering*

Turtle: Oh, I'm sorry. Not emo. Thinking. But I digress. Go ahead, Val.

Valentine: Right. Either way, Tony shows up and Dinah tells him about how Arthur's foster sister is ridiculously gorgeous. But also doesn't take any of Arthur's crap. Well, of course not. That's what sisters are for.

Which reminds me, while I have everyone's attention, try to say hi to Ender for me. He's shy.

Valentine: And then Ronan and Leto went back to Ronan's room for boykissy.

...is that really a word?

Turtle: It is around here, Val. Know it. Love it. Get used to it. It's a way of life.

Valentine:...interesting. It goes to reason there's a girlkissy, too, then.

Turtle:...stop looking at me like that, Valentine.

Valentine: I was just looking; it's an honest question.

Turtle: I'm just getting back to the notes now.

TOWN

Turtle: Miss York is making phone calls and hiring at the York Gallery, and there was a great sale on stuff at Turtle & Canary, as usual! Even if you missed out on this one, there's sure to be great values waiting for you any time you come into Turtle & Canary at all! That's just how we roll.

Turtle: And Mitchell found George in the abandoned shack without any clothes and I'm not even going to bother asking about that one, no way.

Valentine: Ben had a lily placed out at Things Reborn, where he seems to have gotten an earful from Daisy about her mother before she proceeded to be intolerably cheesy.

Turtle: Mister Fai wanted to leave a good impression on new people at Cafe Fina, always a good strategy, although Mister Kurogane probably didn't like being put on handyman duty. Zack -- hi, Zack! -- wanted cake but wound up with a job. I hear he'll be a bouncer!

...Get it?

Valentine: Um..

Turtle: Have you met Zack?

Valentine: I don't think so.

Turtle: Then that explains it. Anyway, Mister Loki was behind the desk at MHA, so people like Vince can come in, get an apartment, and try to push off some autographs. Detective Constable Busy-Butt wonders if he's feeling okay since he's working on Sunday and then they talk about their awesome tattoos.

Valentine: Mina was at the Perk, where Mitchell commented on her outdated fashion, which lead to getting her 'Fandom Story.' She introduced herself to Gibbs and his no-frills coffee, and she bonds with Jack Priest over time periods and currency issues. Mina then mistakenly thought Diana had manners, refuted when the girl asked if she ate people. Cannibalism, it's what's for dinner.

Turtle: Eeeww.

Valentine: People eating aside, Jasper had a much easier conversation with Mina once the awkwardness of his staring at her had been brushed over. I suggest he take a picture; it'll last longer.

Turtle: Ooh, nice one, Val! Anyway, Mister Winchester is hiring at the Magic Box and Blysse let the horses out for fresh air at the Gig. Arthur came by to assure her that Merlin was a-okay, but his father's ward Morgana's shown up.

Valentine: There's a lot of that, it seems. Siblings randomly showing up...

Turtle: Thank God my sister's in college, then. But Tahiri also showed up at the Gig to gossip with Blysse about new kids, and Miss Davis brought treats before explaining to Blysse that, oh hai! I'm your new boss! And then Blysse was all, oh hai! I have a wolf! And I guess Miss Davis wasn't really expecting that one.

Valentine: At Wellspring Arms, Biff drew on his arm. This is apparently because he was jealous of Daisy's tattoo. And while he was there to check out the shooting range, Gibbs asked Biff about places to live and wound up getting a room at Biff's place. Convenient. And Murdock wrote a letter for his mother.

Turtle: Flyers went out for a party at the lighthouse, and, at Caritas, what a surprise, one of Mister Tino's scams failed to impress Mister Bindo. And Ronan whistled while he worked at the clinic.

Valentine: And then there was--

Turtle: Fight Cluuuub!

Valentine: Uh, yes. That. Ghanima wasn't there, so Tyler was apparently in charge. People met and mingled and it seems like a pretty popular event. Jaina kept an eye out for new faces and Fiona seemed a little twitchy, always a good trait for a fighter to have...Ben seemed in need for something to hit. Tyler seemed to appreciate Tahiri's barefoot fighting, and then Tahiri told Ben about wanting to throw her little sibling off the roof.

Turtle: Does it say who her little sibling is?

Valentine: Uh...nope, I don't see it.

Turtle: Darn! They always miss the juicy stuff. Anyway, Blysse and Blind Seer didn't bother stretching, which is bad! Stretching is important! Jaina couldn't help noticing how happy Zack is, because, really, it's hard not to, and then I talked to him about radio, so he better be listening and HI ZACK! Leto and Fiona talked about...them both having twins and wow, I feel...a little like an ass now, because I talked to her about...well, never mind. Ronan told Leto that he was ready for anything, while Elspeth and Ben compared notes on Heralds and Jedis. I also asked Elspeth about her experience in fighting. Griff seemed pretty glad about Fight Club, and, darn it, I missed him! Either way, Hi Griffin! Sorry I missed you at club! Adora was bouncy, so she should talk to Zack, Savannah stretched because she knows its importance, and so did Detective Constable Stop Doing Things, Mister Minsc, and meee! Dinah looked around for new people and Chie came! Hi, Chie! I told her about it, you know.

Valentine: And, to prove that fight club is still about fighting, people did fight some. There was a match between Tahiri and Tyler, Ronan and Leto, and Fiona and Dinah. Tyler was also around, if anyone needed him afterwards.



Turtle:And there you have it! That's today's news! Be sure to tune in all these next few weeks; it's about the time for radio auditions, and you'll want to vote for the best! Remember, a vote for Turtle Wexler is never a vote wasted! Good night and have a prosperous tomorrow!