Turtle: Good evening, fellow Fando--

Trip: I wanna say it!

Turtle: No, I always say it. Today's no exception, and you three are just going to sit there quietly while...ugh, Mommy here works, okay? Maybe I'll let you guys read some notes if you're good. But I do the greeting and the closing, got it?

Alice: Sure, Mom.

Sandy: Yes, Mother.

Trip: OKAY!

Turtle: Right. Let's try this again. Good evening, fellow Fandomites; it's Turtle Wexler here with you on WTFH radio, along with three children that I'd rather prefer not thinking about existing for at least another thirteen years. Let me also add that, all next week, contraceptives will be on sale at Turtle & Canary; just have Apu help you because I don't need to deal with that stuff.

Use protection, or else... *significant silence, followed by one giggle, a groan, and a facepalm*

Exactly. I knew I should have gone home for Easter this year. Let's get to the news.



SCHOOL

Turtle: Lee brought his kids to the library, which seems like a great idea. You know, running around and stuff, in a library.

DORMS


Turtle: Note to Savannah: a boyfriend plus two kids makes for a crowded bed.

Jack decides maybe taking his kids outside is the best plan.

Meanwhile, Gawain was Arthur's wake-up call, pulling him up for a morning workout, and they talk about training. And then Leto and his kids woke up with some general royal bitching all around with Arthur...

Sandy: *slight grunt*

Turtle: Yes, Sandy, thanks for that excellent input. Either way, Arawn and Arthur talk about whether or not kings share...

Sandy: Only if they want to.

Turtle: Or if they want to be good kings. Anyway, and then Hunith makes her two daddies wary, and let's just get off talking about kids involving Leto, shall we?

...er, no offense, Sandy.

Sandy: None taken.

Turtle: Good. 'Cause you're cool. Um. Dean, John William and Cas were all making a really big breakfast in the fourth floor common room, for all the mouths that needed to be fed. Peyton asked if a squirming Nate was hers and got to meet ~Samantha Dean~. Dean compares the kids to cats and chats with Angela about their respective broods. Angela got a biiiig hug from Masaru, and then Masaru fights with Nate over who's got the bigger daddy. Too bad Chad's kid wasn't in that argument, 'cause that kid's probably win. Ichigo did not appreciate Angela's congratulations on all his rugrats and got scolded by his daughter for not being nice.

Gwen recognizes Angela as her mom's friend from cheerleading and Nate goes to find food with little Gwen. Dean and Sammi are all cute and there's tickling and did I mention cute? Kristof and Cas are aaaaalll about the helping and talking about how cold breakfast is icky. Peyton congratulates Hannibal on looking like he won the kid lottery; introductions are made all around. He then bemoans to Dean about his kids turning him into a jungle gym. Angela also gets some introductions of Hannibal's brood after she makes sure he's holding up okay.

Ichigo came in with two of his and explained to Dean that he had two more and that he wished they came with a warning. Gene starts climbing on things, which makes Cas wonder if he could fly, because, apparently, Cas can't climb on things until he can fly. Chuck hates Dean. This is not news. But it is probably more potent today since they apparently have a little kid in Mary. And Nate informs Chuck all about not really liking Sammi. Gwen is not taking all this very well and chats with Dean aaaalll about it.

And, in the third floor common room, Joan and her kids were dying Easter eggs. K-Mart just needs coffee, STAT. Carlos, Jared, and Rachel all talk about Mommy's 'special friend' and...

...I'm not touching that one with a ten foot pole.

Trip: Special means dirty here, you know, mum.

Turtle: We're not going into it, Trip! Shh! Marco was there, failing to juggle daughters...

Alice: See, Dad, that's why I'm better. I don't demand your attention. I just beat all your video game scores.

Turtle: Yes, Alice, we're all very proud of you. Anyway, Jared very excitedly told Jess that it's Easter, in case he didn't know it yet.

Ned was incredibly awesome and made pie with Annabelle and Chad. Super cute. And incredibly brave, too, might I add.

Gwynn and Eve desperately tried to calm little Javelin down, even though she was convinced that monsters took her Mairin.

Rikku made a phone call after failed attempts to keep little Ruba quiet. To her father. Because traumatising your parents is fun, kids! Either way, she made a call to Mel, too.

In the fourth floor common room, Marco tri--

Alice: Oh! It's about Dad. Can I read that one, Mom? Please? Come on.

Turtle: Fiiine.

Alice: Thanks, Mom! Okay, so, my dad was ignoring all his other, less cool kids in the common room by playing video games. He still won't beat my score, though. Rachel wanted to call Aunt Turtle, my mom. Kit and Blake were excited about the video games, and I bet they could beat Dad's high scores, too.

...Sorry, Dad.

Turtle: Savannah laid down some rules for a wee-tiny sleepover in her room, and, of course, Dalton, Phyre, and Storm tried to see what rules they could adjust. Mairin and LJ talked with K-Mart and Savannah about who Mairin's parents were, and then Storm says hi. Phyre and Dalton were interested in finding out who Carlos came from, too. And Eve called, a little frantic about having misplaced a kid. Whoops!

Ino got back to her room and caught up on her kids' and her babies' daddy's days. And, good Lord, there's a lot of 'em. They talked about training and stuff.

Sandy: There's four. That's only one less than you have, Mother, and hers are all from the same father.

Turtle: ...And all three of mine are never in a million years going to happen, so your point is moot, Sandy. Either way, Adam was looking for toys for Gwen in his room and Eve came by to see them.

Chuck discussed the finer points of psychopathic nannies on TV with some of his kids; Temari came by just in time to discover that one of them is hers! Always such a nice surprise... And Blair clears up with Chuck that, no, they didn't have sex after prom and she just didn't remember it. Besides, Blair, it kind of takes a bit longer than that.

And Adora has trouble getting little Hamilton and Madison to bed.

TOWN

Turtle: Mister Dex had John with the hair bring tea to the park for a tea party; it actually served as John's detention, to have tea with Mister Dex's daughter. Jaryd declared himself king of the slide, which Gwen didn't think was very fair, and Mary Sue told him that there was no sliding at tea parties, anyway. Hubert claimed that tea parties were for girls, while Mathilda was bored and Mairin tried to make friends with her. Jonathyn and Kristof dug a hole under the slide, which Jonathyn explained to Jaina was to get dirt for Yoda the turtle. Gracie preferred the swings. Trevor wound up at the tea party, too, and Chris and Gwynn joined in by bringing....a ton of kids. Seriously. Gwynn got assaulted by Psyche, and Phyre freaked Jonathyn out with her orbing. Jordin and Hubert got into a fight and John had to intervene; then Jaina discovered that Hubert's a little charmer.

He'd have to be pretty charming with a name like Hubert.

Then Jaina and Tahiri got to exchange kidlet notes. Dinah mentions to Tony that she's really glad for her babysitting years now. She even guessed about King being Tahiri's because of the lack of shoes. Gawain declared himself king of everything, more than just the slide, with Malcolm as his squire and Colin as court wizard. Mairin helped dispell LJ's moodiness and Miss Bennet brought her daughter Anne for an afternoon in the park.

Mister Rogers was busy with a Sunday workout routine before Mister Stark interrupted to drop of their kids. And Mister Loki played video games with his kid Michael.

At the beach, Arthur and Merlin fight about whether or not Arawn would drown before they start talking about Merlin's childhood. You've got to imagine he had it pretty rough. What with those ears and everything.

Mrs. Harker was hoping to avoid children at the Perk, but, I'm telling you, that never works. For example, Mister Nast's daughter went right on up to Mrs. Harker, but she and Mister Nast ended up speculating on exactly why this happens the day after prom. Gracie noticed that Mary looked a little down and she caught her up on all the child-going ons in her family. Mrs. Harker noticed and it turns out Mary's a little down because the kids from last year aren't around this year...

...I knew none of this is set in stone!

Alice: But I'm here again, Mom.

Trip: And meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Turtle: Yeah, I know, but still. Sandy wasn't here last time. It all...you know...changes. And is NOT FINAL, so help me...

Alice: Geez, Mom, love you, too.

Turtle: Oh...shh. Anyway, some girl asked Mrs. Harker a bunch of annoying questions, and then Justice came in pretending to be a plane that crashed. Mister Reilly child-proofed Things Reborn, which still didn't actually keep children out. Talia went there looking for Claire and Detective Constable Day brought in her kids to introduce to Mister Reilly and then made them go look at stuff so she could have a break.

And we'll just condense this note about Reno and his kids at the Freelance Police today, because...well, it involves darts and a bowling ball. You tell me if it ended well. Romeo and Dōjima stop by to get a count on the kids and talk about how many have been lost or gained.

And yet again, thank God, more proof of their lack of impermanence.

Trip: I was actually feeling a bit impermanent the other day. Everything was all sort of...wavy.

Turtle: That's nice, Trip. G'Kar had a sale on chocolate bunnies at Turtle & Canary...

Trip: Mum & Dad's store!

Alice: Not that one; that one's Mom and G'Kar's...

Sandy: And while it's the original location, I find it inferior to the one on my homeworld. This one doesn't deal in Spice in the slightest.

Turtle: When we get done with this, you guys are telling me all about all those other stores. Mom likes those stories. But for right now, she's got to finish reading these notes.

Francine and Katina took kids to Wonka's Sweet Shoppe, because filling rugrats up with sugar is a great idea, really! And Principal Winchester got her place ready for a kidlet invasion, which was good thinking, considering one happened. Sam and Mary came by and Dean had a whole clan in tow.

Warren wisely stayed hidden at Cafe Fina, though Momoko was still there looking for him.

At Caritas, Mister Bindo made sure there were cartoons on in the back room; there, Jack and Avery were playing poker...aren't you kids a little young?

Alice: Dad taught me how to play that when I was five, Mom.

Sandy: And you taught me when I was four...

Trip: Dad doesn't let us play poker after the thing with the clothes, remember, Mum?

Turtle: No, I don't remember. Either way, Katrina joined in, too, and, really, you guys should have been there. Maybe you could have won some money. Katrina was also unimpressed with the juiceboxes.

Katrina also stared down some zombies. Mister Ryan needs a drink, but Mister Bindo suggests he counts his blessings that he's only got one kid. Miss Walker and Mister Ryan catch up and try to find out who Jack's mom might be. Jonathyn is not interested in the backroom cartoons and juiceboxes; even though he doesn't say much, Mister Bindo can sooo tell he's a Jedi. Then Jonathyn and Hubert got into a bit-- err, a bickering over their daddy. Thank God the three of you are all mature enough to not argue stupidly over something like that.

Alice: 'Course not, Mom; we just accept the fact that you're--

Turtle: That's not what I meant! Ugh. Either way, Mister Stark came by with more of his clan to drop Maria off with her mother, Miss Walker. Hubert came in and was all 'Look at me, I'm so cool' toward Mister Bindo, which I'm sure went over great. Katrina asked Mister Bindo all about the zombies, and Miss Dröttningu was there for a drink, delightfully kid-free.

And, since there are kids again, Fight Club brought back the ball pit. Leto and Dinah exchanged kid information and talked about how they're possible futures, not certain, some ridiculous...

...no offense, guys.

All three: None taken.

Turtle: So, Reno assured Leto that this is normal for Fandom prom, Lord help up. Dinah was just glad to see Reno back to normal after his zombie-ness, and Dinah's son Gawain wondered if Reno was dating his mom. Jack played with Samantha and gave a worn-out Dinah a supportive smile. Jen was trying to get Kit and Blake from hitting each other and fighting about their dads, while Anemone waited with Beni for things to start. Tahlia and Andros did, too. Ino brought Ken with her, and Mister Minsc wasn't sure what to think about all the wee ones. Katina? Just really, really wanted to hit things.

In the Play Area, Noree and Ruba were all giggly, and Estella seemed happy with her blocks. Lena practiced somersaults and cartwheels, and Seiko thought she was doing a good job. Kit passed over the punching dummies that Miss Atriedes brought out for the ball pit. Samantha, Blake, and Ken all definitely had at them, though.

And, of course, it wouldn't be fight club without some sparring. Elaine and Rede went at it after they got permission. Victoria introduced herself to Miss Atreides, and Sam noted the resemblance between herself and Victoria.

Sandy: I also said hello to my Aunt Ghanima.

Turtle: That you did, Sandy. And Tyler had an Estella on his lap.



Turtle: And that's all the news and it's way past your guys' bedtimes. Good night and--

Trip, Alice & Sandy: --have a prosperous tomorrow!

Turtle: HEY! What did I say about the clos-- No, Trip, don't touch tha--

*click*