Sam: Good evening, Fandom, and welcome back to those of you who were...away this weekend.

Dean: That's one way to put it.

Sam: A nice way of putting it, I figured.

Dean: Better than a lot of ways I can think of.

Sam: I'm trying to be positive since it's all over. You can think of it like that, can't you?

Dean: Or I can try not to think about it at all.

Sam: Or you can do that, yeah. Do you want me to get us started so you have a distraction?

Dean: Go for it.


School

Sam: So You Want to Make a TV Show watched an episode of Sports Night, which is the show Ms. Whitaker works on, and got extra credit for spilling the details about what embarrassing things they did over the weekend. For extra credit, that might be worth it.

Dean: No, not really.

Sam: Okay, maybe not today. Just think about the time we were dolls.

Dean: That was traumatizing in a whole different way.

Sam: Only because we had to deal with your sex toys. And speaking of sex, Sex Ed began the requisite "take care of a fake child for a week" assignment. In this case, the fake children are bags of flour, and I think I speak for everyone who's ever taken Ethics when I say you guys are seriously getting off light. Priestly and Dinah passed notes to talk about how their weekends went before everyone got paired off as parents, and Tony and Mr. Rogers compared their weekend adventures as well.

Mad Kings and Queens provided everyone with a great distraction from thinking about the weekend by talking about Ivan the Terrible and whether Russians should think he's terrible or awesome. Ino and Liir passed notes to check up on each other, and after class, Jaina asked Lady Ghanima for advice about a trip that she has to take to see family, and Ino apologized for missing class last week, and checked to see what she'd missed.

Cal was in the library, recovering from the weekend like everyone else, and Claire came by to complain about how she got bitten and woke up on the school lawn, which turned out to be far more exciting than anything Cal went through. The Blank Page Art Club used the weekend as inspiration for collages, and both Claire and Ms. Aldrin were around in case anyone's collage caused trauma or something. And the Young Entrepreneurs used their stories from the weekend to network under the supervision of Turtle and Deadpool.

Over at the teacher offices, Nathan was reading up about the economy while Minsc told Boo all about the adventures he had this weekend, and Tony and Tyler apologized for the things they did over the weekend, particularly the biting. Yeeeah, that might have been a little too much information.

Dean: That's one thing. At least I didn't try to eat anybody.

Sam: See? It could have been a lot worse.

Dean: Don't try to cheer me up.


Dorms

Dean: Merlin and Arthur woke up in the Preserve with the usual post Fandom weirdness weekend reaction of "WTF?" before heading back to the dorms and talking to Ghanima. Lion-o and Snark came out from under the bed where they spent the weekend. Yeah, given what I remember? Not a bad place to have spent it.

Jack shrugged off the weekend, Lee woke up with sore hands, and Molly didn't have the best time being unstatue-fied. De-statuefied? No longer a statue.

Jaina brought John breakfast and they compared weekends, while Leto woke up in the hotel with Ghanima teasing him post-pregnancy -- okay there's someone who sounds like they had a worse weekend than me.

Sam: Much worse. It's entirely possible there are others too.

Dean: Yeah, whatever. Naomi wandered back to her room after spending the night on the lawn vampire-bitten, and Priestly was all freaked out and fleed after grabbing clothes. Welcome to Fandom, dude. Inara visited Gavin and they talked about his weekend as an assassin. See, why don't I ever get to be something cool like that?

Sam: Because you're already cool?

Dean: ...Point. Amber freaked out about drinking blood this weekend and called her Mom. Liir assured her he wasn't French anymore and she had him sing. Maybe to see if he sang with an accent? I don't know, I got nothing. Tyler also made an awkward checkup call to Amber, who had to explain the whole weekend to Triela because she had missed it. Lucky her.

Angela checked in on Peyton but instead of the weekend they ended up talking about the dance. Now there are two people who know how to take Fandom in stride. Also, uh, Angela? Sorry about the whole chasing you with a pickaxe thing. Really.

Like Triela, Meg had been gone for the weekend, so Peyton clued her in on what she had missed.

Ned and Turtle freaked out when they woke up together until Turtle realized that getting married when you're someone else doesn't actually count. Ned then went and woke up Kaylee to tell her he married Turtle, but Kaylee was fine with this as long as it wasn't consummated.

Jess got teased by Buffy for being Jessica all weekend and they talked about her being outted as a Slayer. Um, really, Buffy, that wasn't much of a secret before. Seriously.

Sam: Except to people who didn't know the other Buffys maybe? Or who don't pay a lot of attention?

Dean: More the latter than the former I think. Hoshi and Ronan had a pretty amicable morning after and Jamie called Scott Summers to sing to him. Possibly to prove he's not French.

Meanwhile, I woke up no longer crazy or homicidal and Sammy untied me. Not that I couldn't have eventually got out of the ropes myself, mind you. Just easier this way.

Sam: Yeah, well, now we're even for that time you tied me up for the whole weekend.

Dean: Nah. I think I still owe you. Rikku was happy she didn't steal stuff and she cuddled with Reno and talked about the weekend. Hurley got back to the dorms and he and Tahiri talked about the weekend and he explained Valentine's Day to her. Leto and Arthur made it back to their room and they joked about the weekend. Summer and her fridge full of deli meats assured Chris she was herself and they talked about the weekend and the dance. Talented fridge, that.

Hannibal chilled out with a bat ready. Adora came by to ask him for dating advice, and Chuck came by and told Hannibal about getting axed and how Sammy is awesome at stitches. You really are, dude. Looks like you've made a fan.

Sam: If that wasn't a sarcastic conversation, then yeah, I guess I have.

Dean: Hannibal asked Angela about the aftermath of the weekend at Art Club.

Robin-who-is-a-frog was contemplative, while Edmund came to apologize to Molly and explained some of his issues with witches.

Brooke was hiding in her room when Amber came to apologize for trying to eat her. I will refrain from asking "Dirty?" given the whole weekend craziness thing. Peyton also came to check up on Brooke.

Dinah was very thoughtful when she went to the salle to practice with Arthur. Arthur vowed that just because things were bizarre, he wasn't going to let Dinah off easy. Liir showed up to start stretching and Dinah complimented his capability. Dirty?

Sam: I'm going to be nice and assume that she meant it in a friendly, clean way.

Dean: I don't know, extra bendy can be a lot of fun in dirty situations. Up in the second floor common room at lunchtime, Priestly was hungry and made steak and cheese sandwiches. He exchanged weekend stories with Jack and explained to Claudia that the jerkface this past weekend was totally not him. I'll vouch for that. I'm not an axe-wielding maniac either. Really.

Liir thought that Claudia was very orange, and Claudia wondered if Adora's weekend was and I quote, "totes weird". Priestly told Adora about working at the diner on Thursdays, and was told by Liir about the upcoming dance.

Sam: Momoko was on the roof, brooding and generally using the roof for its usual purpose. Dinah came up and asked her if she'd had a long day - more like a long weekend, most likely - and Katina came up to smoke, which is like a natural progression on a roof of emo. She and Dinah met, and then Rikku joined them as well, mostly to check up on Momoko. And finally, Romeo and Dojima finished off their date by spending some quality time at the shooting range. You know, like you do.

Dean: Hey, I've had some awesome dates at the shooting range.

Sam: Yeah, but I'm pretty sure our ideas about the shooting range being an appropriate date location aren't exactly normal.

Dean: Shooting ranges, libraries, you can get your kink on pretty much anywhere.

Sam: You don't have to make it sound so dirty. Oh wait, yes you do, because you're you, and that's what you do.


Town

Sam: Deadpool woke up feeling a little traumatized by this weekend, unlike our mayor, who seems to take everything in stride. Captain Hammer woke up with Ms. Yzma, and apparently nearly blinded some of the squirrels. Good job, you two. Miss Bennet tried to go into hiding and realized what many of us have already discovered - that never really works. Mr. Algren came by to apologize for his transgressions over the weekend, as did Tyler, and he and Mr. Algren talked about thinking they were vampires. Mina came by and tried to cheer Miss Bennet up by pointing out that she made an excellent monster fighter, and Lindsay blamed drugs. Oh, if only things were that easy to explain.

Ms. Yzma did not handle Captain Hammer's rejection well, Mr. Algren decided that drinking was in order after he woke up, and Mr. Jameson sent out some e-mail. Hopefully he wasn't drinking, or those might have been some strange messages. Sarah got a phone call from her friend Chuck, who told her he gave her address to someone who was looking for her, and it turned out that someone was her father. Eliza woke up and was grateful to be alive, which sounds like the end to a very interesting weekend.

Dean: *coughs* Yeah, that might be another apology I need to make.

Sam: She's all right now. That's what counts. Robin woke up to find herself barricaded, and had to convince Constable Fraser that she wasn't still a druggie with cornrows, and Geoffrey woke to find a curling rink in the theater where the audience seating used to be. Oops.

Worf had the weapons locked up tight at Wellspring Arms - definitely one of the best ideas I've heard all day - and Chad opened Groovy Tunes and stayed away from anything involving Germany. Tony and Mr. Algren woke up naked and cuddling in the church, which means they were either being daring, or just really crazy. Daisy was thrilled to have her pants back at the Trooper Station, and got even more excited when Eliza came in to report a murder, until she realized it was her own. I'm pretty sure there's not much of a case there can be since she's alive and well now.

Tony was offering a deal on aura cleansing at Coyote Medicine, and Dinah came by to beg for the pictures he took of her. A mortified Liz was working in the lobby at the Arms Hotel, and Romeo was at Pixie Dust, getting rid of all their flannel before Dojima stopped in to make sure he was sane again before their date.

Joan was recovering from the weekend when she went to open Covent Garden Flowers, and got distractions in the form of a customer buying flowers and Marco, who asked her to the dance. Ender worked on his project at Stark Industries, and got his usual visit from Ben, who told him about spending the weekend as an old Jedi.

Dean: At least that's something he should eventually become.

Sam: Hmm. Good point. The mayor was at Town Hall today, and managed to gross out Robin by telling her that Deadpool turned into his father over the weekend.

The diner was open, but Lacey was nowhere to be found, much to the dismay of the staff who wanted to make fun of her like the horrible people they clearly are. Alex was at the Magic Shop in a great mood because nothing happened to her over the weekend. Triela opened the Freelance Police Headquarters despite her headache, and I'm assuming it didn't get much better when Max came in, yelling about the magic squirrels he saw yesterday.

Bender was a little hungover at the Gig, and Sokka brought his chinchilla to Turtle and Canary, and worked on trying to bribe the squirrels to start carrying video cameras.

...I think I just got a chill at how potentially embarrassing and horrifying that would be.

Dean: We'd just have to offer them more rum in exchange for the cameras.

Sam: A lifetime supply of rum, seriously. Blysse and Blind Seer were hunting for food in the preserve, and when Tahiri spotted them, she explained that she was looking for fish. Blysse, I'd be happy to find some raw food for you that you don't have to catch yourself, if you just let me know.

Speaking of raw fish, Daisy and Ben had a date at the Sushi Station, and Buffy was in the park again tonight, writing notes in a notebook. Arashi was happy to find Caritas still in one piece after the weekend, and the really good news is that despite how crazy things got, no one was at the clinic today besides Millie, either in the morning or in the evening.

Dean: Definitely good news.

Sam: The weekend could have been a lot worse than that. Will you promise me you'll try to remember that?

Dean: Dude, no chick flicks moments on the radio!

Sam: Hey, they're getting you to sound like yourself again. They're worth it for that.

Dean: Come on. Say good night Sammy before you have us singing Kumbaya or something.

Sam: *laughing* Have a good night, everyone.