Hi guys! This is Emmett Cullen, trying out this radio thingamajig job. Uh, I'm new, but for the record I'm the big tall pale guy that's been walking around. I'm sure there's a couple of people that fit that description but I'm the really, really tall one. I hope I'm doing this right. I've never DJ'ed anything before. I gotta say, this room was not made for those of us who excel at the art of height. I think I broke this chair I'm sitting in. And your crazy ass squirrels that spell worse than I do won't go anywhere near me. What is wrong with you guys?

*chittering*

Oh don't flatter yourself. You're nothing but bones and fur.

...Fashion. We're talking about fashion. They, uh, want to be models. Yes. But it's just not happening. Nothing but bones and fur. Gross. *cough*

*rustling of paper*

Now they're pushing the notes over to me with a pencil. You guys are chickens.



School, which is not dazzling

Journalism had it's first class and since it was a class and not fun time, there was note taking. The students also introduced themselves and sold themselves to Mr. Jameson. I hope not literally. That's illegal everywhere except Nevada and Rhode Island. American history with Mr. Durden and Mr. Algren had it's first class today and it was all listening and introductions. That's going to be real popular today. Mr. Durden asks Ino to be TA and Cal informed Ino that just because he was TA didn't mean he was going to listen to her. Hell yeah! Way to stand up to the man...woman.

Am I doing this right?

Claudia was surprised that the library had books the first day of working there. Um. Okay. I just won't say anything about that. Dr. Jones introduces himself to his new assistant and Sam Winchester checks up on his fellow aide. Literature, ew, had it's first class and, you guessed it, there was listening and introductions. They also discussed what they liked to read. If there's no pictures then I'm not into it. Jill tells Ms. Bennet about her medical condition and Hinata volunteers to be TA. Dude, you couldn't pay me to TA for anything. Thauma..thaumaturgy, whatever that is, had it's first class today too. Guess what? There was listening to a lecture and introductions. And the class suckups for this one are Savannah and Sam Winchester.

Mr. Skywalker was working on a baby monitor during his office hours. John showed up to return Mr. Skywalker's cloak...who wears a cloak? Anyway, they apparently have a smirk-off that led to flirting and weird gmail ads. Hm. Nope. I still think the cloak thing is weirder than all that. Seriously, dude, who do you think you are? Dracula? Ben also came into Mr. Skywalker's office to share a story. About what, I don't know. Ms. Aldrin was working on her lesson plans when Claire came in asking her to be art club sponsor. Ronon researched movies for his class. Oh, dude, I totally can't wait for that tomorrow. Mr. Rogers was having a freak out in his office and Mr. Durden stopped in to apologize for not keeping his room open while he was away. Dude. That's not cool. At least you apologized for it.

No, seriously, am I doing this right?

*hesitant squeaks*

Doing a wonderful job, am I? Are you just saying that because you're scared?

...Yeah, I thought so. Seriously, I'm the nicest guy ever. People, don't listen to these squirrels. I'm totally nice. They're insane. And drunk.

Dorms, which can be dazzling if the windows are open

Some dude named Chuck is watching a Girls Next Door marathon on the third floor. Oh, dude, I love that show. Kendra is my favorite. Angela comes in, comments on Chuck's taste in TV, and then they talk about bondage and dominating people. That's hot. It makes me miss my girl too, damn. Hurley smells burnt popcorn and Chuck tells him the microwave is acting funny. You know what's fun to put in a microwave? Peeps and your brother's underwear. The Peeps explode, right? And then it gets all over the underwear and then it gets all hard and crusty when it dries and looks a lot like sparkly...well. You know. It's hilarious. Angela and Hurley discuss classes and he tells her how awesome Food Appreciation is. Liir and Hurley discuss burnt popcorn and how Liir is trying to avoid his room. You and me both, dude. I'm bored of it already.

Liir and Chuck talk about fake boobs and Liir makes Chuck a sandwich. Well there's no bad in that sentence. Amber and Liir discuss classes and Liir tells her how he turned into a plate of brownies. Seriously? God, dude, you're lucky no one ate you. Amber and Chuck discuss TV shows and then she asks him for advice. The squirrels seem to think this is both sad and funny. I don't know the guy so I don't know what's so sad-slash-funny but whatever. Angela and Amber discuss throwing a party. A party with glitter. Keep that [feedback]ing glitter away from me, I swear to god. I heard about what it does and no [feedback]ing thank you. Like, I don't judge but none for me, dude. Marco and Jack admire the on screen boobs. Good work, fellas. Eric asks Chuck if he thinks it's weird that their parents are getting married. Apparently Chuck doesn't think so. And Liir and Amber are snuggly and she confesses that she was a little flirty with Priestly. Dude, there ain't nothing wrong with flirting. Just don't touch. My girl's hot and people look at her all the time and do I care? No.

*squeaks*

Well, yeah, I'd get mad if someone tried to make a move on her. I'd rip their arms out their sockets.

...Figuratively, of course. STOP BACKING AWAY FROM ME. I AM NICE, DAMMIT.

God, you squirrels are jerks.

Ned, who I actually know, has a chef's station. Coooool! You should teach me how to make stuff. Kaylee, who I also know, told Ned that she's wants pink hair and that he should dye his hair blue. I think you both should do it. It'd be awesome. Arthur was waking up, like you do, and Merlin comes in to dress him. I'm not the only one that thinks that sounds super-gay, right?

*squeaks of agreement*

Good. Jaina was checking her datapad, whatever that is, and bitching. Ben came in to hug her and ask her about her trip to Endor. Triela came in to find out what the bitching was about. Dude, when I hear a chick bitching, I run the other way. Amber flipped TV channels and Liir came in to discuss flirting. Adora fell out of the top bunk. Apparently she was startled by her pillow. Oh, honey. That's so weird. And, last but not least, Chuck and Angela had sexy bondage times. Goddamn, I really miss Rose now. This one time we had a bunch of chains...

...And I'll just keep that story to myself.

Town, where it's always dazzling

Whoa, people have jobs. Murdock was at the Lighthouse, Katchoo was at Strokes of Genius, Eliza was at the Covent Garden, Savannah was at Nast Sporting Goods, Annja was at Coyote Medicine, Helen was at the Gig, Jamie was Turtle & Canary and Peyton was at Groovy Tunes. And nobody visited any of those places. Sucks, dudes. Unless you didn't want customers. Then yay! Hoshi was at the Arms Hotel and Jack stopped there for food. Priestly had his first shift at Luke's. Claudia came in for food and found out what year it was and flirted with Priestly. Oookay. Liir stops in and talks to Priestly about being a plate of brownies.

Sarah is putting away action figures at the Android's Dungeon and Mac comes in looking for a comic for her roommate. She and Sarah talk about computer security. Cable is reading the news off his laptop at the Wellspring Arms. He and Leto have a discussion about guns vs. knives. Neither. Use your bare hands. Oooh or bats! Bats are awesome. Lindsay and Cable discuss a bug she found at Stark Industries. Whether it's a phone bug, a bug bug or a computer bug I don't know. Dinah and Chad go kitten shopping at the pet store. Mmm pet store...I love pets, you know. Geoff is casting at the Boards. Amber, Hinata, Dinah, Leto, G'Kar, Ronan and Jack all audition. Mac offers to run the sound board and Harper comes in to discuss costuming. Harper also tells Tony about how she likes to make her own clothes. Crafty!

Sarah was doing something in her house. I don't know what. The squirrels won't give me that part of the news since I yelled at them. Robin has her hair under a hood at Caritas. Haha! I know what that means! Not from experience. But I watch a lot of sitcoms. Jack orders a beer and Daisy discusses bad hair with Robin. Tully buys Daisy a drink Deadpool points at Robin in an accusatory manner. Whoa. Dude. Chill. At the clinic, Simon is annotating a journal and Mina visits for tea. How...old peopleish of you.

Annnnnnnd I think that's it! Hey! That was easy! Killed some time too. Okay so that's it for me today and possibly for forever, depending on if I sucked or not. I had fun, Fandom, despite the jackassy squirrels. Yeah. YEAH. I CALLED YOU OUT. QUIT BEING CHICKENS.

*sigh* Whatever. Goodnight, guys!