*sound of chittering and shuffling*

These are some damn pushy squirrels. Guys, I tell you, you let me near an open mic and the station will lose its license so fu– oh hey, the light is on and the furry freaks are waving paper at me.

There’s rum if I do this? All right, all right.

*throat-clearing*

I'm Jack. This is the news. So over at the school, Bruce Banner talks at anger management class while they sit in a circle. And then they introduce themselves by talking about academics and personal tics. Yeah, I once told a therapist my tic was that I killed people who annoyed me. She didn't like that so much. And then they pair to discuss those tics, because there's nothing people with anger issues like as much as they like sitting around explaining them.

In Modern American History, Kitty lets people slack off because it's a holiday. Wusses. They talk about what they want to learn. But there's no slacking in my class on working together, where the students get to kick some husk ass before introductions.

Minsc instroduces himself in care for magical creatures, and then there are introductions blah blah blah. But I guess it's worth it, 'cause then they get to chill with Cerebrus puppies. And somebody named Ghanima stops by after class to say hey to the space hamster.


My commander had one of those. Cute little guy.

Anyhow, so in Science You Cannot Possibly Comprehend the teacher's sitting in a throne, calling himself Doom and sipping from a chalice while he explains how much better than the students he is. Yeah, whatever. Bet he twirled a mustache too. People stare at him. Karolina must be staring extra-hard, 'cause Cecil asks what's up and has to learn that Doom is famous and not the good kind of famous.

With a name like Doom? Never would have guessed.

Cecil also asks if Danny is okay. Oh, and then Karolina and Victor are all double-you-tee-eff -- this is what the squirrel wrote -- at each other.

Up in the dorms, Isabelle watches a show about making souffles. She talks to Toby, who gets all weird and flustered. Isabelle must be hot. And then Vider's annoyed the days of the week are spelled wrong on her schedule, which Toby and Isabelle try to sort out for her.

Up in town, Riley is eating Chinese food and typing on his laptop in MCA. Seriously, people care about this?

Oh, and we got a new girl named Tamsin. She's all not-impressed by the Causeway, and Sam Traynor -- seriously? Sam, hit me up for a drink if you're listening and know who I am -- asks if the problem is the fish smell.

*long pause*

Not touching that one.

Anyhow, Tamsin just wants to find the police station, 'cause apparently she's a cop. So Sam shows her the way.

At the Boards, Jono's copier wears him out so he crashes for a nap on the floor. Either Jono's a wimp, or that's one nasty copier. Anyhow, so Dinah comes to visit and they talk about Karla and Glacia. Whatever those are.


At Stark Industries, Cade's still pumped from my class. Hanna's happy too over at Demon Marcus, while Bruce Wayne noshes and checks out office possibilities at Taste of Thai. Derek and Stiles are on a date at Mooby Land and Derek wants Stiles to get his teeth looked at. Also, no dessert. Dude, you gotta buy dessert for it to be a good date.

And people are happy at the bars too. Kenzi's all psyched to have a house at Caritas, while Jack -- not me, the less-cool one -- has the place to himself at Devil's Nest. Which he and Bruce Wayne celebrate with classical music and pickle-flavored vodka.

*pause*

Some people have no idea how to have a good time.

And that's all the notes, so I'm outta here. Squirrel, about that rum....