Jane: Okay, look. Every week I come in here, where I'm surrounded by semi-literate squirrels who do shots, and I'm used to that. But the unicorn... The unicorn is new and I'm not getting used to it and you can't make me.

Unicorn: NEIGH. You have a good voice for radio.

Jane: I'm just getting this over with.


SCHOOL

Jane: In Film class, we got to deal with the unicorns while we watched 12 Bitter Gentlemen, and if you want to see bitter, have something try telling you nothing but good things about yourself all day. It's unnatural. I think it's making things up.

Unicorn: Neeeigh, you have very good dental hygeine.

Jane: See that, I don't floss. We talked about what kind of jury member we'd be, and the professor was around to talk to anyone who wasn't horselike with a horn. But I'm sure they really liked the movie. Ethics gave out chocolate bars, but not to everyone. And some people who got them got gypped. This, ladies and gentlemen, would be the class on envy, complete with talk on how to use it to manipulate people. Just what you want a bunch of high schoolers thinking about.

Tracking met in the Danger Shop to practice escape routes. There was talking, and then they chased themselves some troopers. At least they weren't chasing unicorns. Shipwrecks class tried to figure out why the Mary Rose sank in 1545. I'm guessing it's because they made boats kind of shoddy in 1545.

Wesley was confused by the unicorns in the library, while Henry kicked one out of his office. Can you do that? Will you just go?

Unicorn: Neigh, you're very talented.

Jane: Shut it. Katniss and Wesley boggled, I don't care, the damn unicorn's still here. And then there's Glee Club... We have a Glee Club? Kill me now. There was mingling- drink up, lushy squirrels!- and now I get to talk about it all. Ariel giggled at Jono getting unicomplimented and how there should be no lighting the complimentary little bastards on fire, Medusalith agreed with the unicorn that Blackagar is much nicer than Dan Humphrey- ooh, got dissed by a little horse, Dan- and Ariel had to ask Rinoa about a concert Jono's putting on. I might actually have to check that out. Look at me, saying something serious on radio. Introductions were done via song, and club leaders, if you gave any teachers any ideas for the first day of next semester, so help me. Ariel was gushy over Medudalith and Blackagar, who have to be exchange students, and Quinn was wibbly over Puck. Professor Skywalker had a unicorn complimenting his smile, which is creepy for me to have to report, and Ariel agreed and got him to maybe agree to bring pie. Suckup. Deadpool wanted to know why these unicorns were were supportive and how they crap rainbows....

*long pause*

Thank god for this weekend. I'm gonna need some normalcy.

Over to office hours, where Loki had to leave wet clothes outside his office, Professor Rogers who I will never not want to call Mr. Rogers and ask if he changed his shoes yet worked on tomorrow's class, Kūkaku ordered her unicorn gone, and hopefully it worked better for her than it did for me, and one unicorn just had nothing good to say about Professor Farnsworth. Is that what it's going to take to get this thing to go away? Just become a really bad person? I could maybe do that. Or at least make a big effort.


DORMS

Over to dorms, Bruce... well, Bruce hogtied his unicorn and left it out for someone else to take. Watch the whole school avoid Bruce's room now. Maladicta and Faramir met up at the stables, making plans for the weekend, and maybe getting him to agree to put on a dress. Now it's on radio and you have to do it. I want an invite. Percy was up at the salle practicing on the dummies, which he was almost done with when Luke came to talk about flirting in class and who's coming for Parents Weekend.

You know, just in case you guys had forgotten about that in all the unicorning.

Squall got followed by the unicorns in the lobby, and up on the fifth floor, Sookie was cooking again. Bod complimented her on the smell, and they got to catching up and talking about the weekend, which he also talked about with Karla, and Roy and Sookie talked about it, and
Bobby and Sookie, and I thank Bod and Bobby for talking about unicorns and how they like Bobby's hair and breaking up the monotony I'd just been reading off. Roy promised to share his chili with Bobby, and then they caught up, Karla was excited at Bobby about pudding and the weekend, and I think I'm going to get sick of this subject really quick at this rate. Sookie and Karla talked about it, and Jason and Sookie, and that actually wraps up all the Parents Weekend talk. Now here's the talk of food: Roy would share his chili with Karla, Roy and Jason didn't know what to eat first, Scully traded Roy for his chili, and the Sookie and Scully talked about unicorns and I think I lost some of my soul along with that section of notes. Eh. I didn't need it anyway, but it would have gone for more on the black market.


TOWN

And we've reached town! We're in the home stretch!

Unicorn: You're good at accomplishing your goals.

Jane: On this one, I'll take it. Shunsui got his unicorn drunk on sake, Tara was researching curses at the Magic Box, so people might want to be wary of Tara for a few days. Lindsay got her display-arranging abilities complimented at Nast Sporting Goods, while Christian sang to one. I'm sure he then heard he has a lovely singing voice.

Cally the student was late to work, but at least she brought a huge dog with her. Millie went against the norm and was amused by the unicorn, and Helen had both the unicorns and James visiting her at the Gig. Ellie was doing prep work for the weekend at the hotel, but don't worry, there are more unicorns to follow.

Unicorn: Your haircut suits you.

Jane: ...Faith tried to get rid of hers so she could work at Things Reborn, Dani Reese had tea with one, and George threatened one despite it complimenting her work ethic and honesty. Or maybe because it complimented her work ethic and honesty. Rikku had a unicorn at the new Fixer-Uppers, along with visits from Ender, Zack and Momoko. Jane who is not me was texting at the Perk, Scully tried to ignore her unicorn at the clinic, and William and Rilla met at Pizza Planet to talk "adorably", which I think is code for "date" in some language.


That's all the notes, so I am getting the hell out of here before I have to listen to anymore.

Unicorn: You run really fast.