Dan: ...I can't believe you stopped my fake kids' crying.

Chuck: It wasn't that hard to do, Humphrey.

Dan: I have tried everything this week to shut them up. Everything. Singing, dangling keys in front of them, rocking them--nothing worked! It's all Anakin. As soon as he starts then Jaina joins in and then I feel like joining in. This has been the longest week of my life. And then you waltz into the radio station, murmur three sentences to them in your Ratguy voice and they shut up.

Chuck: And?

Dan: It's not fair.

Chuck: I can't help that kids like me better than they like you. Even robotic ones.

Dan: But you're Chuck Bass!

Chuck: Exactly, Humphrey. Exactly.



School

Dan: I don't get it. Jono was doing more research in the library. Spoiler alert: The villain was defeated today. I guess that was obvious since Chuck and I made it to the radio station. Anyway, Kyle was in the library to avoid his knife wielding roommate and Didi was there to talk about the weirdness. And later on Henry, Deadpool and Zoe introduced Clancy to his long lost love, Delores Umbridge.

Chuck: Clancy and Delores are two of the most unfortunate names I've ever heard.

Dan: ...I agree. Old people names.

Dorms

Chuck: Anakin, the one that's not Humphrey's fake spawn, was out on the dorm lawns, offering his babysitting skills to those fighting the monsters outside. Bruce Wayne handed over his droid and his bird-girlfriend and went off to fight. Francine was doing some droidsitting of her own and talked to Anakin for a bit. And then later on an injured Leia gets whisked away to the clinic after Anakin spots her.

Dan: Not so loud, Chuck! They might hear you.

Chuck: And?

Dan: It's their mother!

Chuck: You're a goddamn idiot. Warren was watching a Disney movie on the second floor because he isn't a superhero, okay? That makes you smart. Hinata questioned Warren's choice in movies and he talked about how he was worried about his friends that were out fighting. Girl. Tara and Warren bond over how they're worthless and Tara finds out that the fighting was going well from Hinata. Savannah limped into the common room and both Warren and Hinata fussed over her. Chloe was doing the pacing thing on the fourth floor. I'm sure that was extremely helpful. Ino offered to teach Chloe to defend herself, which Chloe was more than eager to take her up on. Hayley is worried as well but both Chloe and Ino assure her everything's going to be fine, while Robin-the-frog admits he's scared too. I'm so tired of this crap.

Dan: Not your first time dealing with giant lizards?

Chuck: No, first time for this. But there's been zombies and alternate universes. It's all annoying in the same way. You'll get used to it.

Dan: I don't want to get used to it.

Chuck: Too bad. Jamie was looking at blender parts for some reason in his room. A concussed Dinah came in, not making sense. As is custom when you're concussed. And Didi opened the windows because she's a hippie or something, I don't know. After Godzilla was defeated Jaina, not Humphrey's fake spawn, was nursing an injury back in her room, Bruce was in his room and Zack visited Ino's room.

Town

Dan: Kyle was late to work today, for good reason I imagine. Martha had her hands full at the clinic what with Arthur, Ben, Leia, and Dinah all being admitted there under her watch. Caritas was empty, John Price was on the phone in the park and Rose was taping Dimitri back together at the gym. I'm sure that's an exaggeration. At Aphrodite's, things between 'Dite and Lulu turn to the dirty and Max sneakily watches...and then Shelly was eating hot dogs naked at her place. Wow.

Chuck: ...I don't know which of those things is dirtier.

Dan: Probably the one involving the hot dogs. Ew. Anyway, just in case you were asleep all day and couldn't hear the roaring, there was a giant Godzilla on the beach today and, yes, there was gawking. Ashley, Savannah, Dinah, Illyria, Dimitri, Andros and Zanye all fought monkeyponies and baby Godzillas. And then some decided to take on the giant Godzilla. Namely Zack, Momoko, Azula, Iceman, Dru, Alice, Annja, Kurt, Jak, Arya, Jaina and Rose.

Chuck: You can't see it, but I'm eyerolling at all of you.

Dan: I can vouch for that. Naturally these people couldn't take down freaking Godzilla but apparently Sunshine the squid could. You go, Sunshine. Afterwards Aphrodite helped Dinah to the clinic, Zack and Iceman decided to go out for burgers to celebrate, Momoko spaz'd at Zack and Dimitri and Rose checked up on each other.

Chuck: Saved by sushi. Didn't see that coming.

Dan: Me either. While this was happening, a group of people were off to save our fearless leader. That group consisted of Mat, Makita, John Price, Kennedy, Sam, Leia, Paige, Triela, Bruce and Steve Rogers. They untied Zoe, yay, and then there was some fighting against crazy wolves. Wow, nobody can catch a break around here. Mat and Kennedy traded witty banter as they fought because this whole situation is hilarious, apparently.

Chuck: Eyerolling again.

Dan: You really don't have to say it every time you do it. Paige had to bail Leia out of wolf trouble while Makita and Price took on wolves by themselves. And Bruce and Triela managed to fight about killing vs incapacitating while fighting the wolves. That's talent. And then after all of that, Zoe confronted Clancy, who explained that he mistook Zoe for someone named Delores Umbridge.

Chuck: Are you [feedback]ing kidding me?

Dan: Seriously! That's just...do your research, dude. What the hell? Well, at least all the fog and monsters are gone. And we're out of news.

Chuck: I'm out of here.

*door slams* *crying starts*

Dan: Oh, great. That's just great. *sigh* Goodnight, Fandom.