Jim: Hey there. Did you know there was a dance going on tonight? Actually, I'm pretty sure you do know that and nobody's listening because you're too busy having fun.

.... At the dance.

Any other kinds of fun isn't anything I want to know about. Um. Let's start over.

Hey there. Did you know there was a dance going on tonight? Because there is. And let's just get on with the news before I make a joke that could be taken the wrong way.

Let's start with the SCHOOL.

I talked about Andrew Jackson and the time he shot a guy in the crotch in my class, and aren't you all disappointed that you didn't sign up for such a great course? And then everyone took notes quietly and didn't get anything they could mildly terrorize anyone with.

Time travel was the topic in Engineering Math, and I could have used that at the beginning of this show. Professor Suresh lectured on how it could work and paradoxes before going the easy route and watching a movie for the rest of the period.

Dean Stinson definitely won a few friends and influenced a couple people when he launched How to Be Awesome 20 with a quiz.

Jono helped decorate the library before Ben dropped off some music. And the newspaper staff met at the usual time.

And now to DORMS, where students live.

Emma had the sixth floor blocked out for herself and a whole bunch of other girls. She talked to Rose about the hotness of a multi-girl date, played the part of Stacy London for Tara, and gave Beka her approval.

Karla and Tara critiqued each others dresses, Dinah expressed her positive feelings about Emma's group outing, and Kennedy's suit made Beka jealous. Emma told Kennedy about the secret origin behind this group date, while Karla and Beka tried to figure out what would happen later on.

Dinah got some playful taunting about having a boy date by Karla before Karla talked about special kinds of fairies with Elena. Harper joined the crew, while Elena and Rose had a very serious conversation about gum and Karla gave Gabrielle a spare dress.

Harper did her hair, Elena did makeup for Beka while Emma did Karla's, and Beka and Harper made up the sewing team. And Elena checked out the variety of corsages.

But not everyone got ready for the dance on the sixth floor! Some people got ready in their own rooms. People like Savannah, who didn't start out willing to do that. And other people like Francine, who had some help from Katina.

How about a look at TOWN before getting to the big show?

Castiel spent the morning as a gremlin's chew toy on the beach, which was the precursor to Dean getting a picture of him hugging the gremlin. Wow, that just seems weird to say. Sheriff Ray was annoyed at Ralph at the Trooper Station, Jenny marked prices way up on formalwear at Pixie Dust, and Mary battened down the hatches at the Arms Hotel. I have no idea if that phrasing makes any sense for a hotel, but I'm going with it.

Rory and her baby attracted some attention in the Perk, firstly from Tara, who is not, in fact, the first version of herself Rory's met here. I know how weird that kind of thing is. Bridge popped in to surprise Rory, while Luke met up with them while he was getting coffee, and Raven introduced herself.

Hurley opened the flower place, Harper took care of the thrift place, Aphrodite manned the sex place, and Arya was at the medicine place. Err, not the clinic. Mina was there.

And laaaate tonight, Sean and Annja went back to his hotel room, possibly to play UNO.

And now the main event... THE DANCE!

Jim: I wasn't there and I can't say that I'm disappointed about this.

Jaye: Knock knock!

Jim: Who's there?

Jaye: ...Jaye.

Jim: Jaye who?

Jaye: Jaye who got bored at the dance and came to the station for the good rum and found a guy doing radio.

Jim: That's not much of a punchline.

Jaye: Yeah, that's all you're getting. Also, you're getting me making myself comfy. Where do I start?

Jim: Here. Take the arrivals. Can I get you anything while you're making yourself at home?

Jaye: Thanks, guy with flippy hair. Just the rum. It'll help me get through all the "so-and-so showed up" parts.

Kaylee and Not-Aaron were supposedly adorable and liked the decorations, and immediately I just had to call the guy who looks like my brother adorable, and maybe double up on that there rum. Luke mocked Gavin for his suit, though unless Luke's changed his hair he really has no room to talk, and "heterosexual life partners" Griff and Alex Karev showed up together. Elena teased Alex about being on a boydate, as well she should. I once dated a bottle of booze. That's much more acceptable, and I didn't have to worry about what would happen if there was a rain of glitter. Jack Priest was late, but Tony Foster thought he looked hot, so that makes tardiness okay. Teachers, keep that in mind. Just don't say that's why you're letting anyone in late without a hassle- that way leads to lawsuits. Mat and Jack compared this to dances back home, and Mat and Kate missed the fall break and flirted, both at the same time. It's important to multitask. Bel, Phoebe and Anders had their arrival either ruined or made tons better by Drake and his tongue. I don't even know what that means, but I like the way it sounds.

Hannibal was all checking out Angela Montenegro's dress, Meg got pounced by Luke... Hey there, Luke, didn't know you had it in you. Meg and Isabel compared school and work, and congratulations, you both fail at homecoming. Wait. You fail if you talked favorably about school. If you frown upon it, I'll give you a by. This time. Dinah arrived with Misspelled Jak, Romeo and Dojima were happy to be back, and Leda asked Gwyn to dance. No word on whether it happened. Maybe we will find out later in our notes. Stay tuned, kids. Illyria- wow, people's parents have not gotten any kinder with the names- was complimented by Cute Sam, and Luke got tackleglomped by Rikku. I'm really surprised I haven't seen that verb used more in these notes so far, I'll be honest. Meanwhile Z missed having him as a roommate. Aww. You can have mine, Z. She's awesome. Really. I mean that.

Dinah was glad to see Priestly didn't ditch out, Francine was showing off the ol' D-cups- bitch- and Merlin was a little appreciative of that, and Rose, Karla, Beka and Elena all arrived together, thus making my reporting duties that much easier. Thank you, girls. Isabel showed up with Wyatt, who thought the decor looked like Farmville... That damn game. Add me on Facebook, people. I want to actually talk to like three of you, but I need neighbors for my blue ribbon. Tahiri apologized to Ben for being a cougar and not being able to vote for him for Prince. Cougars are in now, I hear. Apologies shouldn't be needed unless there are cops involved. Xander got pounced on by Willow, and Bridgey was reassured by his hubby that he doesn't clash with the decor. There aren't many places I could say that, you know.

Z joked that she just saw them, and the frog was happy to see Xander... Maybe he smells Jeremiah on you, Xander. Aww, memories. Cam was greeted by his Stickbug brother English Peter, Alanna and Kawalsky showed up together, and they're both very welcome. Leto was late, but got to flirt with Alice anyway, and Willow and English Peter thought the decorations were very American. Damn straight. Says she who practically lives in Canada. Anyway! Arthur dragged Katina to the dance, Rikku was shocked to see Reno wearing a tie, and then- aha, more glomping, now from Romeo and Dojima. And Elena was also surprised to see Reno in a tie. Reno, maybe look into your fashion choices.

Jennifer and Zack were there on a date, and Lois was glad to see Clark out of flannel. Clark, really look into your fashion choices. Clark and Lana were confused by each other, and Chloe was weirded out by him. Just smile and nod and remember it's Fandom. Hurley and Hoshi were matchy and alliterative, Shawn and Lana were glad to get some time together, Piper and Lindsay showed, Ino got compliments on her dress from Hurley and Harper squeed at Alex Russo about her dress. I feel like this section is revenge for me lecturing on fashion, but it's better than 'and so and so showed up.' Thank you for being interesting, Fandom. The frog asked Naomi if she wants to jam, and I'm going to hope that's a music thing because the first thing to come to mind is 'not dirty', Griff brought Fiona some cider, The frog asked Momoko to dance, King Dork was there in a suit while Zero was not, and Parker was glad to see them both. ...People can be glad to see that guy?

Jim: Maybe he has some redeeming qualities?

Jaye: No. Not a one.

Jim: Well, he did become the King of the Dorks, so he managed to do something right.

The only person taking advantage of the pictures was Yakko who... is more of a puppy than a person, I think. Over at the food table, Mat and Aravis got their flirt on and I promise that's the only time I'll use that phrase tonight. Bobby and Sookie did the same, only that led to dancing. Mat and Rose also ended up dancing after some banter, but the real fun started when Kate spotted Gavin, who looks like Leto.

Summer and Hoshi talked about the local paper business, Cameron and Xander discussed chocolate and invasions, and Alanna talked to Miss Parker about taking over small countries. Just remember, don't mess with Sark. And I bet none of the visiting alumni got that because their classes never taught them about one-person invasions of Channel islands.

Jaye: Can you get me college credit for taking it via correspondence?

Jim: I'm still kind of surprised anyone's getting high school credit for taking it in person.

Jaye: Oh, I can tell stories. We can dish over rum once this is over. Where is my rum, by the way?

Jim: It's in a bottle somewhere.

Jaye: You're a fail host just for that. Squirrels! *fingers snapping* Bring the rum!

Jim: Wow. These squirrels have many talents. Maybe too many.

Xander and Alanna discussed things that Xander really should have discussed with his parents a long time ago now. Isabel and Cameron caught up, as did Miss Parker and Mister Doesn'ttellhisparentsimportantthings, Esq., and there was a lot of hugging when Isabel and Xander found each other.

Zoe greeted Cameron, Leto greeted Miss Parker, Merlin and Arthur preened, and Karla confused Miss Parker with an enthusiastic hello. Our recent Scottish Smurf invasion was on the table for Arthur and Romeo. Leto and Francine were more focused on current events, and by that I mean the punch. And Reno spent some time talking about Zack with Arthur.

Dinah and Francine passed around compliments and a lack of faith in their chances in the court voting. George was also on the compliment train with Beka and Emma. And then Alanna got to experience the timeline fun of knowing an older version of George. Reno and Yuffie talked about booze. And Blysse's lack of footwear came up with Merlin, who asked her to dance.

Back to you.

Jaye: I feel like saying things like 'Thanks, Bob' and going on about happy news stories talking about puppies for adoption and stuff when I hear that.

Jim: I'd rather you say 'Thanks, Jim,' but I think we have time for the puppy story.

Jaye: Well, Jim- I think you're more of a Bob, but anyway- today some puppies were adopted and didn't die horribly instead. See, happy story!

Jim: I don't think anyone's going to say that was a fluff piece.

Jaye: Maybe they were chihuahuas.

Jim: .... Wow.

Jaye: Yeah, I got voted onto radio multiple times. On purpose. People were busting a move on the dance floor, except this is a high school dance so that was probably awkward. Dinah taught Misspelled Jak how to dance, where Mat must be an expert because he got Kate and Rose out there. Or at least he must be hot enough that they don't care about him stepping on their toes. George Cooper cut up a rug with Beka, and Sookie and Bobby were apparently just adorkable.

And hey, this is where I get to mock the faculty! Robin and Hot Mountie were wondering if punch spiking would lead to anyone ending up undressed, to which I say like anyone here would need the excuse of alcohol. And Deadpool just tackled Hot Mountie. A lot, by the sounds of it. It's the hat. It has to be the hat. Alanna recognized Tyler, which got her an invite to Fight Club. I don't know why it feels like I shouldn't say anymore. Tony Stark wanted a drink, but since the punch was still probably at the sober stage, he and Tyler went to dance instead. Rory and Anakin were adorable, because they're Rory and Anakin, Lana and Anakin caught up, and Leto was all "hey, hot dress" at Ghanima.

...Why's a squirrel facepalming at me? You didn't specify, I made up dialogue!

Jim: Technically, I think that's 'facepaw.'

Jaye: I've started on the rum. Just run with it.

Jim: I've always wanted a drunk co-host.

The mayor really need to install some more lights in the town hall because there were some shadowy corners all over the place. Hidden in the shadows was Luke, who has a fan club. Isabel figured some gremlins might be waiting for him, but nothing gremlin-like has attacked him as of press time. Really, the shadows weren't doing anything for Luke, because his niece, Jaina, found him too.

Beka and Jonas talked about clothes, Savannah got surprise visits from Johnny and Eve, and Kate told Leto just how much she liked his outfit.

Miss Parker taunted Angel, who teased her back. Anakin, meanwhile, literally staked his claim to prove he was the alpha dog around Angel. Alanna, meanwhile, was nice and just gave him a hug before completely messing up the name of his state. And Ben talked to Ender about the weirdness of having your dad who isn't your dad around and I don't think I have any clue what that actually means.

Jaye: And because the dances never ever end, we're just getting to the homecoming court! And Barney was going to read off the court, but then Marshall showed up to slap him and steal away his thunder. Marshall, I don't think I know you, but I owe you a drink. That was awesome. So, in case the two of you who didn't show to the dance were curious, or the twenty of you who left early to go do dirty things were left wondering, George Cooper and Karla were freshman prince and princess, Ben Skywalker, Bobby Drake, Blysse Norwood and Gabrielle made it for sophomores, because either they have a lot of special people or sophomores are really indecisive, Zack Fair and Emma Frost made it for juniors, and your new homecoming queen are Rose Hathaway and Chuck Bass. Congratulations, guys, you're now right up there with anyone voted Most Likely to Succeed as people everyone will want to have failed in ten years.

Gabrielle and Karla and Karla and Emma were left talking about being stunning princesses- woah, girls, let's not get big heads on us- and then there was dancing. Oh, I forgot they make you do that. Zack and Emma talked abotu standing on each other's toes, Chuck and Rose got used to being royalty, where George and Karla were more concerned with dancing like it, and Bobby and Gabrielle just made with the probably accidental innuendo. As you do.

Jim: No, I don't.

After the excitement of the court announcements, people kept on mingling. John teased Lois until they just started talking about the weirdness. Ino and Rose talked about classic girl topics like how pretty everyone was and fighting. And Leda was completely wasted when she started talking to Ino.

Rose met up with Jack Priest, Ino discussed the punch with Liir, and... Well, thanks. Romeo and Ino jinxed us by talking about how quiet it's been and how that's a bad omen. If anything happens now, it's all your fault.

A drunk Griff talked to a drunk Ino about being drunk, and then just talked like a drunk to Rose, who wasn't drunk at all.

I think there may have been an issue with the punch. So did Merlin, which is why he warned Morgana about it. Speaking of Morgana, there were strong opinions of her dress. Francine liked it. Arthur didn't. Tie goes to the wearer, so it was officially a good dress.

Carmela and Hoshi were happy to see each other, Peter Petrelli complimented Sam on his suit, Didi and Jojo showed up late while sounding like a music act from when I was in high school, and Ronan talked about transit with Carmela.

Jaye: Oh my god, if we chug along we might get through this before Sunday. By then I'll be so drunk I won't care, though. Leda was liking Annja's dress, where Shawn with a W was more concerned about her giving the island ideas. No! Give the island ideas! Just because they don't publish the Weekly World News anymore doesn't mean those pictures won't ever come in handy! Tara and Merlin compared this to dances back home, Tara and Diana talked about pretty dresses and going stag, and Kennedy and Tara were worried about fitting in at dances. It's not possible. That's why people hang in corners. Stop trying. George and Bobby clean up well, and Mirax congratulated Bobby on his prince win. Diana and Harper were also talking about dresses, and this is revenge for me thanking Fandom for making the bit where everyone showed up fun, isn't it? See if I ever compliment you all again. Jaina shocked Tahiri by telling her that John Sheppard's hair is short, and the said guy with short hair thinks he's old. Angel's still got you beat. I think you're good.

Hoshi told Ronan about her job as newspaper editor, and he also caught up with Tony, and Hayley and Elle compared this to dances from back home.

....You need to take this next part, Bob, I feel like I'm repeating myself.

Jim: Not a problem, Mary Anne.

Back at the food table, Tony asked Dinah about her date, Hurley freaked out when he saw Bel, and Alanna told Piper about the wee little George because Fandom's special.

Dinah and Fiona did some drunken dancing, which sounds like a really bad direct to DVD movie. King Chuck dubbed Hannibal his jester, before that very same jester discussed drinking strategies with Ino.

That's not funny at all. You're a horrible jester, Hannibal.

Jack toasted Emma, Emma and Chuck decided they liked the way voting went in their favor, and Chuck proclaimed that everyone should get drunk after some prompting from Dinah. And Jean got compliments from Chuck and a dance from George.

Go ahead and take the next page.

Jaye: Don't tell me what to do. More faculty to mock, with Rikku doing more glomping on Deadpool and telling him diplomacy sucks. You know every time I've talked about glomping, it's been with her? Just noting. And Deadpool and Didi were awkward because he dated another version of her way back when. Oh, Fandom, never change. The dance floor was still going, too, with Jean and George bitching about heels. I don't know who was wearing them. Maybe both. Let's say both. Zack was worried about stepping on Jennifer's feet, and everyone needs to calm down about this. In four years I never talked about anyone ever going to the clinic because someone broke their feet at a dance. You're good. Tony and Tyler got to dance to Wind Beneath My Wings.

...Seriously? Is Alec here? Can I call him about that?

Reno and Rikku plotted to move this into the preserve, Ino taught Katina to dance, and Francine asked that Merlin not turn her into a newt, he tried for a goose instead, and then things got weird.

Jim: I really don't want to dwell on that, so let's wrap this up with one last glance at the shadowy corners. They're still dark.

Also, Alex got compliments from Effy and Emma. Katina passed Ronan her something to spike the spiked punch with, making it superspiked, I guess. Ino teased Katina before getting her to dance, Momoko teased Lion-O and got him to dance, and Johnny was very nice to Hinata but didn't get her to dance.

Jaye: That dance tease.

Jim: Hey, the people who go to a dance to not dance are really important. They help keep the dance floor clear for the bad dancers who are probably going to hurt someone with their elbows.

Jaye: I'm not actually complaining. I stand in the corner and make fun of the people who embarrass themselves on the dance floor and drink the punch the gremlins were just swimming in. Not that I'm trying to make anyone self-conscious or anything.

Jim: Remind me to never drink punch at any school event ever.

Jaye: Don't drink punch at any school event.

Jim: Thanks for being so helpful.

Jaye: Well, I did just save you from laryngitis here.

Jim: You can't prove that I wasn't being sincere.

Jaye: In that case remember I had to make the squirrels get me the rum.

Jim: You just never said 'please.'

Jaye: Yeah, that would never happen. I don't know that word. Is it French?

Jim: No, but 'au revoir' is. Good night, Fandom.

Jaye: I just want the last word. Night!

[OOC: Big thanks to fates_jaye for the assist!]