*click*

Valentine: --y, I almost forgot; I got something for you, Turtle.

Turtle: Oh, yeah? What is--

*thunk*

...

...

Turtle: Val!

Valentine: What? I found it at work today, and I thought you could use one.

Turtle: Val! That's gross! You don't just get people those things!

Valentine: You don't? Oh, okay, I'll just take it back the--

Turtle: --BUT. It's rude to turn down gifts, so thank you, Val, even if it's totally weird and inappropriate. At least you did it before we went on ai--

Hey, the light's already on! How long has...

...

Good evening, Fandom! Welcome to WTFH Radio, where you did not hear any of that conversation that just happened. In fact, you're just tuning in now and we're just going to get right to the notes. All the news that's fit to broadcast for today, Friday the Tenth of July, Two-Thousand and Nine.

Put that away, Valentine.

Valentine: We're on radio, Turtle. It's not like they can see that it's contoured and pink with five speed se--

Turtle: SHHHHH.



SCHOOL

Turtle: Summer Vacation for Beginners met, and I just have to state, for the record, that a class about summer vacation seems to kind of miss the point. But. It sounds like fun all the same. They did introductions and talked about where they'd like to go on vacation instead of being in a class about vacations.

Valentine: For Physical Fitness, our...illustrious, rotund instructor skipped the intros and just made us do an obstacle course and threw dodge balls at us if we didn't do well. Elena actually requested for balls to come flying at her face, but, hey, everyone's into something.

Then, Rangering met in the preserve for their introductions, after Minsc introduced himself and the point of the class and before getting the chance to beat things up. Arthur was there as a TA and Minsc checked up on his since he was probably hungover, which means I'm sure Minsc talking to him helped lots and lots. Himura and Fiona also waved at each other, seeming glad to have the other in the same class.

Turtle: Stratigy Games met for their first class, too, and, not surprisingly, they did introductions. Dr. Reid gave his nervous intro before everyone else gave theirs, and then they were able to play games for the rest of the class. Afterwards, Fiona went to go talk to him about a TA position.

Valentine: Miss Garrett held office hours in her office, as you do, and Eleanor stopped in, while Rimmer seemed annoyed during his office hours. Max seemed a little sore, and Eric come by about sword lessons. Eric. Interested in swords. This isn't news, people. Durden may have possibly discovered a new species in his office, while Dr. Brennan caught up on some journal articles, and Sophie checked out art history stuff on the Nets.

Turtle: And Val met with Ja-- Cute Jack at the Danger Shop to teach him how to use it, or at least how not to break it. You guys had a date in the Danger Shop?

Valentine: It wasn't a date.

Turtle: There were sandwiches, Valentine. Sandwiches. Anyway, Val and Cute Jack had a date in the Danger Shop like nerds, and there's a problem with the sprinkler system in the office. I'm telling you. It's got to be the moose. It's always the moose.

DORMS

Valentine: Sandwiches do not equal date. For the record. It's a bright and early morning for the group of people crashed in the Rumor Gal living room. Merlin, Francine, and Arthur awaken to discover that Arthur's head is not a snooze alarm, and Arthur and Edmund are confused about minotaurs but agree that getting water requires moving. Merlin's glad there's no minotaurs, but there's still reserves to deal with. Katina is very loud when she arrives, which I'm sure everyone appreciated, and figures out exactly how the 'oregano' got in the brownies.

Valentine: Crippled by his hangover, Griff is very productive today by sprawling out by the Ninth Hell campfire. Karev likens him to being run over by a bus, but Griff assures him that, no, this is much worse than that. Meanwhile, Fiona Post is very not pleased with one Griffin O'Connor.

Turtle: You know it's bad because full names are involved.

Valentine: Exactly. And then Karev gets all needy and makes sure that Fiona greets him, too.

Turtle: Triela and Tahiri had a shooting lesson at the gun range, and, man, that makes me miss Girls with Guns club...

Valentine: Chuck Bass? Also bright and chipper and in extreme hangover groaning coma mode. Poor, poor Chuck.

Turtle: Yeah, especially after Arthur and Katina show up...

Valentine: Alas, poor, dead Chuck. We hardly knew ye. That's what you get for wasting good stuff on people who just can't appreciate it.

Turtle: Well, then he goes to Sam Winchester's alcove.

Valentine: Sam makes it all better?

Turtle: I'm glad you said it. I so didn't want to. Merlin went to go see Chuck later back in his own alcove, too...

Valentine: And Merlin makes it better some more?

Turtle: *whimper* Let's move on, please?

TOWN

Valentine: Miss Blue considered her options of clothing and the mechanics of squirrel infiltration as she left her hotel room today, and then later made a phone call to her son Cupid because she's apparently really Aphrodite, which the squirrels think explains the sex shop. That also explains the name of the sex shop, too, if you ask me. I mean, Dite. C'mon.

Turtle: And, well, Hades was our vice principal at one point. And I think Ares taught modeling.

Valentine: But the Loki at one of the apartments isn't the Norse Loki, right?

Turtle: Right. Oh! I think Satan owned a dance club here once, too.

Valentine: ...Oh, this place.

Turtle: Indeeeeed. Mr. Morgan is hard at work and seems a little thoughtful over at Morgan's Hardware where Mr. Castiel came in and talked with him about how he has no money. Miss Price was working behind the desk at Mauvaise Chance Apartments. And then we're not even going to talk about Valentine working at that one shop.

Valentine: Because Turtle is uncomfortable with her sexuality.

Turtle: I am not! I'm just uncomfortable with you being involved in it. Anyway, back to things we're supposed to be talking about right now, I'll at least mention that your boss showed up to talk to you and warn you about the cash register. Mary was in a good mood at the Arms Hotel, where Jackie...

Valentine: Aphrodite.

Turtle: Japhrodite. Showed up to make plans to go to Caritas later. Harper goes through some new arrivals at Things Reborn and probably plans on how to implement them into her hottest new design, and Miss Davis was on her computer at the Gig, where Mr. Noir brough her a package...not dirty...

Valentine: Actually, no, it is dirty.

Turtle: ...*sigh.* You just can't let me pretend, can you, Wiggin? Mr. Kirk...

Valentine: Mr. Kirk?

Turtle: What? That's his name.

Valentine: I don't know, it just sounds off.

Turtle: That's his name. Anyway, before Val interrupts me again, he came to talk to Dani about horse training and horse riding and how Miss Davis has great legs. There's sexy times in there, too, I think. And I was hard at work, of course, at Cabot and Associates. Mister Minsc and his hamster were in the park, and he was very awkward with Miss Murray when she tells him that she's now Miss Murray and not Mrs. Harker any more.

Valentine: Hurley kept himself busy at the flower shop, while Mina cleaned things to a shine at the clinic. Kowalski had dreams about turtles at the trooper station--

Turtle: CREEEEEEEPY.

Valentine: Turtles, Turtle. Turtles.

Turtle: Still creepy!

Valentine: I don't get creeped out when people talk about valentines, so take a chill pill. Either way, Turtle's favourite DC brought him coffee and reported on how nothing crime related ever seems to happen here. At Coyote Medicine, Arya left the door open for the nice weather. Eve took refuge in a cup of coffee at the art gallery, and Hope swept, then had a fight with the SquishyBot at that one store...

Turtle: Turtle & Canaaaaary. And it better not do that tomorrow for Kyle's shift, oh my God, I'll kill it. Mr. Sparrow put up posters in the radio station for a staaaaaff meeting next week, while at J,GoB, Dr. Brennan and Blysse are talking wolves.

Valentine: There was also the meeting of the Support Services at the park, which I now have to miss, so I'll let Turtle fill you in on those, and I'll even keep quiet about Francine and Morgana's breasts.

Turtle: Which we all appreciate. There were the usual treats available while we arrived and mingled, though there was a suspicious lack of brownies, which is sad. Arthur was all cranky and lurky, Gabrielle went straight for the gross coffee, Priestly went straight for the food, and I did epic battle with a juice box. I swear, sometimes, they just don't want to be opened. Angela was there, too, and Ellie and Mullet Jack. Claire nibble and Eleanor probably noted the lack of tea. Then, we made with the introductions because that's what you do on the first week when there's new kids. Afterwards, Gabrielle and Morgana both note that Francine looks like she's had, quote, 'a batch of bad nutbread.' Despite the fact that nutbread just sounds bad in general. Gabrielle also gets a phone and finds out how to use it, Morgana was there, too, to get looked at by Arthur. Malignant looks. Grr, I'm bitchy Arthur today looks.

Valentine: Is that a technical term?

Turtle: It is now. He tells her about the feast being the source of his grr, I'm bitchy Arthur today looks.

Valentine: Onto the Caritas events of the night, Veronica is tending the bar so that Tino doesn't have to go it on his own. Turtle's favorite DC rolls in on some skates and chats with Veronica about LA, and then frightens Deadpool with the thread of disco. Deadpool then tries to convince Veronica to get arrested again. Well, the Detective Constable's right there, I'm sure she'd be happy to oblige, she loves doing things. Mary and Jackie...I'm sorry, Japhrodite, are there, but not for long. There's zombies, and the whole fact that Mary's sober, and they can find some better things to do, anyway. Now I'll just be over here hoping it's a good thing that my bosses are messing around with each other.



Turtle: Why do you even think stuff like that?

Valentine: Maybe one of your employees is thinking that about their bosses, Turtle.

Turtle: ...You are not allowed to talk anymore. Which is good. Notes are done. There's all the news for today.

Valentine: Now Turtle can go and try out her present.

Turtle: NO MORE TALKING, VALENTINE WIGGIN. We're in the cabins, anyway, there's about a gazillion people around.

Valentine: But if there weren't, you would?

Turtle: I didn't say that! Shut up. Stop grossing people out more with your sick mind, Val, goodnight, and have a prosperous tomorrow.

*click*