Deadpool: Sweet mother of god, people. I should be sleeping like the old man I am here!

Zack: --No washroom in here, squirrels. I can't clean up in the radio station. Why did you bring me here, anyh- Oh, hi, Deadpool!

Deadpool: ...what the hell is on your face? Is that--Heh. Poorly written Japanese. Niiiiice.

Zack: ... Yeah. I'm never going back to that park again. Stupid sleep spells...

Deadpool: What did you do in the park to fall sleep and get that written on--you know what? I don't wanna know about your kinky habits.

Zack: *Oh, the pout is audible.* There was this singing and... And... The squirrels are shoving paper at me. Uh. But... Singing, like, Juggly piff... Something...

Deadpool: LALALALALALA--I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Zack: I was just feeding the ducks!

Deadpool: Is that what they call it these days? ...you better read that before they get the claws out.

School

Zack: But there's... Nothing to read. I mean, here, under this spot marked 'School?' You want me to read that part, right?

Dorms

Deadpool: No, the part that says stuff about the dorms and the seedy underbelly of your kids' lives. It's like watching MTV Real Life or some crap like that. Oh, I hope someone has an addiction to make this an exciting episode!

Zack: I'd settle for something to wash my face with. *Chittering* Hey, thanks! Uh.... Is this rag soaked in rum? Maybe I will just read the notes, then. *Clears his throat* First off, there was this guy called Jack Burton, sleeping with his cereal in the second floor common room. And then... Guys. I can't report on this. *More chittering* But it's private stuff! The girls' bathroom is sacred territory! *More chittering. A hollow acorn thunk* Ow. Okay. In the girls' bathroom, Ichigo... got into his own body? And then was accused of being a pervert by Effy. And if he was in the girl's bathroom, I think I'd have to kinda agree, there. I really, really don't want to know what 'getting into his own body' is supposed to mean, I don't think.

Deadpool: Well, if your face is right, everyone already thinks you're a pervert.

Zack: *Moans* Really, some soapy water would be great right about now, guys. *Chittering* ... I had no idea that squirrels could be so demanding. Fine, fine. In the fourth floor common room this evening, while I was fast asleep in the park, Jon set up some Mexican food and something called 'Celebrity Survivor.' Which sounds kind of neat. Is that one of those battle-to-the-last-man-standing deals?

Deadpool: Oh! Oh! Is that the one with that governor's wife?

Zack: What's a Governor?

Deadpool: You an' me are watchin' CNN sometime.

Zack: That's the one with the green guy in the garbage can, right? *Acorn thunk* ... Ow. Okay, okay. Diana was happy for the food, and wanted to know if Jon was going to survive the first season, and then she was greeted by Jennifer. Jennifer also talked to Jon about how much reality TV sucks. I... don't know what reality TV is, either. So maybe I'll just take her word for it, there. Jon then told Turtle about how dinner was on him, because he felt like it. Nice guy! And Jennifer asked Turtle about running for Student Council this fall. Which, considering how well she runs the T&C in town, would be an awesome move! You've got my vote, Turtle! Uh. If I can vote for you. How does this voting thing work, anyhow?

Deadpool: Just don't do any of those hanging chads. Only bad things happen there. Oh, and never go to Florida.

Zack: What's a Florida? ... Nevermind. I'll figure it out. Leda asked Jon where he's been hiding, and Triela stopped in for tea, so it sounds like it was a pretty successful... reality TV meeting... thing. Yay! Now, if nobody has any objections, I'm going to find out if this rum-soaked rag really will get my face clean.

Deadpool: Or burn it off. Let's find out! Francine was up waaaaay too early to clean things. Dude. Not cool. Get back to sleep like a normal person. Arthur who needs a Yankee in his court stopped by to explain how radio lied and that Merlin did indeed turn someone into a mouse. Did they stay a mouse? Merlin was also there for hugging and the squirrels got distracted so... they had sex. Lots of it. And then danced around. And THEN Katina happened on by to get dragged out to Caritas and the links that won't die. Just die, links. Just die in a fire now. Meeeeanwhile, Worf and some Rose argued over fixing the cabin they broke with some naughty things. Then made out. Classy kids. Classy.

Town

Deadpool: Pervy pie lover, Ned was over at Luke's, trying to keep Kaylee from going insane on sugar. Dear god, there's another Zack out there? Really? Hurley was at Groovy Tunes, presumably grooving to tunes. If not... I want to speak to your manager! Karla, who--if we've all been paying attention--is in love with Arthur, came to pick up music to teach Ender to dance with. Oooo! Scaaaandalous! Penelope was there and all 'omg I'm sorry I got drunk and puked all over your nice shirt' like they do on Real World, which is how I think of all you kids these days, and then invited him for icecream even though it's just going to end the same if she gets butter rum. Don't fall into that trap, Hurley! Don't do iiiiit! Oz, the guy, not the green city, was there too. Doin' stuff. Oz-y stuff.

Zack: Guh! It BURNS!

Deadpool: That just means it's working! Mary who I hope is going all sexy lesbian opened up the Arms Hotel. Yo Yo Ma and her brother were over at the Perk, probably doing something with cellos. And violins. And playing for the president. Peyton was there for hitting on Yo Yo Ma's brother and arranging a daaaaate. Ooooo! You minx. Griff did not flirt with Yo Yo Ma's brother, instead he got the third degree from the guy and her daddy. Awww, just tell them you're going to do the right thing and marry her in a Vegas/Britney Spears wedding that'll last five days.

Zack: People really do get married like that? That's... Kind of sad, actually.

Deadpool: And then she shaved her head.

Zack: Is that some kind of weird five-day-marriage tradition that I should know about?

Deadpool: Don't do it unless you're insane? Dinah Was also there to gush about---spandex? Wait, seriously? Cotton blends, snookie. It breathes then. Gywnn with a y and two n's fed horsies at the Gig. HORSIES. Jess, whose gender I will one day learn was looking for books to read. I'm thinking chick right now, you?

Zack: I haven't met any Jesses yet, but you're probably right. And I think I'll be okay to grab a few more notes in a moment. The rum is almost out of my eyes.

Deadpool: Drink some, you'll feel muuuch better.

Zack: I'm already coated in this stuff. I don't need to drink it, too.

Deadpool: It heeeelps. John like the gun and Grace who is not as cool as Jan opened up the Magic Box. Rachel was on by because she knows that adorably emo Sam and his bangs. God, those bangs haunt my dreams in a bad way. Oz also happened on by! Zack was--- Seriously? *snickers* Seriously?!

Zack: I told you it was nothing dirty! I was feeding the ducks, and then there was this singing and I got tired! Totally not my fault! And then I woke up, and I was laying in the mud and I am never going to the park again oh my gods.

Deadpool: Uh-huuuuh. Turtle had Rock'n'Roll squishies that may or may not give you up and/or let you down. But I'm pretty sure they won't mess around or hurt you. Jen was making something called an es oh pea at Pizza Planet for when she was gone. Let's assume it was dirty, shall we?

Zack: Do we have to?

Deadpool: Yes. Yes we do. Charlotte and Dale had muffins and sickeningly sweet love over at York Gallery. Good god, people. Get a room and some insulin. Penelope and Hurley had that date we can only hope didn't end in alcoholism. Ino was at the clinic and not studying medicine. G'Kaaaaaaaaaaaar was at the Perk to get some work done. Wait, are you one of those people who works on novels in public places? I hate those people!

Zack: I don't think they're really hurting anything... Okay. I'm not seeing in triples, now. I'm good to read more! It looks like Robin opened Caritas to a full house tonight! Good for them for the boosted business! Lister found out about Robin's retirement, which I'm guessing is from the music business because she's still working at the bar, right? Griffin Silver was there for the alcohol, which is what people get at bars, and met Vince Noir before getting fawned over by fangirls Francine and Katchoo. Someday, I'm going to have fangirls, too. Just you wait and see! Simon was looking good tonight, which Robin seemed to appreciate! Vince seemed to be enjoying himself even though Robin wasn't too keen on having to perform. It isn't all that bad, is it? I mean, the spotlight actually sounds... kind of fun!

Deadpool: Not if you dazzle us all with your sparkles.

Zack: They're healing sparkles. That's totally different.

Deadpool: They're gay sparkles.

Zack: YOU SPARKLED TOO. *clears throat* Dani actually thought it was necessary to apologize to Vince for being friendly the last time they met. That seems like a kind of weird thing to be sorry for, though. Alvin ordered a chocolate milk, offered his autograph to Oz, and then gave his word to a frog that he and the other Chipmunks attend this conference every year. You know, we have remedies for that frog condition where I'm from. It doesn't have to be permanent! Bow then saved Hannibal from his lighter flame, which is probably a pretty heroic move, if you've never seen a lighter, huh? Edward got to meet Bow, too, and they decided to share stories! Meanwhile, Aldous ordered juice, found out that Robin is in a committed relationship, and then Vince noticed that there was a spot on his shoes. Considering how busy the bar was, it's kind of impressive that Vince could notice that through the crowd! Good eye, Vince!

Deadpool: He may be a mutant. I'm not certain yet.

Zack: Do mutants usually have good in-the-bar eyesight?

Deadpool: That or poorly explained powers that make no sense.

Zack: Oh, but that's normal anyway! Angela felt right at home in the crowd, Claudia's boyfriend was a lizard riding on her shoulder, and they both decided that having the rockstars sign their-ohmygods. I mean. Uh. There are some body parts that would be tacky to get signed. They decided not to get those body parts signed. Because, uh. Tacky. Or. Uh.

*Chittering!*

Zack: Maybe just a little. This once. *Deep drinking sounds* ... Wow. That's foul stuff. SO. Serena and Angela talked about classes that make us go on dates, which is cool! Robin told Fraser about her old boyfriend being in town, which I hope didn't cause any awkwardness. Dani didn't want any Chardonnay, but she did set about to greeting Minsc. Adora latched on to Hannibal, and Angela got talked to by her as well, and Ellie was around looking for a good time. Constable Day was there and looking good, which probably prompted Bow to say hello! Aldous was ready to get into Daisy's-- WHY are you making me read these notes!? *Chittering* .... *A pause, and then more drinking. FINE.* Minsc was looking for ale for himself, an'... And. Oh! There was a hamster. Who needed water. And Valentine was there, and Ted ordered a beer, and this rum taste prob'ly isn't gonna leave my mouth anytime soon, ew.

Deadpool: Oh, you'll get used to it if you drink more.

Zack: I don't think I really want to get used to it, though.

Deadpool: But it's delicious AND good for you!

Zack: Why do I find myself kinda doubting you right now?

Deadpool: Keeeeep drinking. Tim thought he recognized Ted. Ted who? Was it that guy form my distinguished competitor that died much like Cap? Serena's hair was there and I feel compelled to add it was fabulous. Edward who looks like Nate's daddy-o was attacked by Adora because he was the best boyfriend ever. Yeah, as long as you don't die, get cloned, come back and then die again. And then come back. The guy who might end up with a kid being almost sacraficed to demons also got yelled at for calling Robin a wench. Bad Edward. Baaad. Oz was also there. It's like Waldo!

Zack: Is that another rockstar?

Deadpool: Huh. Only if Elton John went through a hiding phase with hats, glasses and canes. Lily had Barney on speed dial and joined in mocking some guy with more forehead than hair. ...Oh god, does he have a creek? Tim was there toooo. Jill and Dinah talked about Yo Yo Ma's family and then Dinah and Yo Yo Ma talked about boys and then braided each other's hair. BORING. They then made out. The end.

Zack: Did they really?

Deadpool: ...Yes. With tongue.

Zack: Uh. Well. Um. Okay! *Sloshing*

Deadpool: Arp--some guy didn't talk to Robin. This is news? Emma was also there. Randomly. Jigglypuff gained adoration from Robin through some sort of hypnotism probably. Or maybe Zack was just lying about it being dangerous, hmmmm?

Zack: It's evil! Little and pink and... Actually, it kind of reminds me of these ugly monsters back home called Boundfats. They barf fire.

Deadpool: That's just disgusting. Tony Stark and Emma bitched in the lounge and oh god don't let them breed. It would end in bitchy and more bitchy. Also? EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM WAS ON STAGE.

Zack: Wow. I don't think I could ever convince my mom to get onto a stage.

Deadpool: You're just playing now, right? Nevermind, have another drink.

Zack: If you insist! *Sloshy~*

Deadpool: And make sure to wake up early tomorrow! Dani was iffy about Vince for good reason until she fell for the oldest trick in the book. A compliment. Vince was given a drink from some anonymous person. Maybe filled with roofies? I'd suggest not drinking it budd-o. Minsc talked to rodents who need to hit puberty about how it's awesome to be rodents. I assume Boo was involved somehow.

Zack: I guess all of the action at Caritas can be explained by this Rock Convention going on in town? Because there were workshops today at the Arms Hotel. Like the one by Ted "Theodore" Logan, who was educating the crowd about how to attract band members. Oz asked Ted if there were places that people shouldn't look, and he and Bow were in the audience, and Ted was there to answer more questions after the lecture, and what gets rum taste out?

*chittering*

Zack: Besides more rum. But thanks. Tyler Ford talked about balancing integrity with financial gain, which doesn't sound like it should be all that hard. Aldous had a little debate with Tyler after suggesting that you should pick both. The audience for that once consisted of Wendy, Aldous, and Turtle, and after the talk there was... Kissing! *Drinking sounds* Wendy kissed Tyler. And then Jem and the Holograms talked about style! Always important! Just ask Claudia, who didn't get her boobs signed, but she did ask about how they coordinated their daily outfits! Lorne, meanwhile, was more interested in clothing that wouldn't clash with green skin, and after he assured Claudia that he wasn't a frog, Kimber suggested he try purple. Purple's a good color, Lorne! I wear it all the time! Vince and Bow were happy to admire the Holograms, as was the rest of the crowd. Like the other groups, the Holograms were around to talk to after the lecture!

Deadpool: JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM!!

Zack: I bet if you ask nicely, she'll give you her autograph!

Deadpool: I hate you so much right now. Rimmer---heeee--was worried in his house when some guy named Lister showed up for the con and to mock him. Hopefully for that name. Because good god, man. Way to sound like a gay porn star. In non-gay porn star news, Gibbs had a laaaaady friend by way of Brennan on over to look at his boat. Is that the new 'upstairs to see his etchings'? Dr. Samuel did his Mr. Clean impression with yellow rubber gloves around the house. Tyler woke up to a drunk Tony Stark and there was--DEAR GOD, STOP BURNING MY RETINAS, SQUIRRELS.

Zack: *Small sloshy sound* I think there's some rum left, if that helps? I used a lot of it, getting the ink off of my - *hiccup* - face. S'cuse me.

Jiiiiigglypuuuuff jiiiiiigglyyyyy....

Deadpool: ...Do you hear something?

Zack: .... Oh, man. I just got all of the ink off of my face, too. That's it, I'm going to... *yawn* ... Invest in something that ... resists sleep... Spells... *murmurmumbleumble.*

Deadpool: Wha--*yawn*--is that?

Jiiiiigglypuuuuf jiiiiigglyyyyy

Zack: S'evil incarnate. With... A marker. An'... pink. Lotsa pink. 'N... G'night, Deadpool. S'totally bedtime now.

Deadpool: Mmmph--zzzzzzzz

Jiiiiiigglypuff jiiiiiggl--*CLICK*