Brooke: Hi, radioland! This is Brooke, filling in tonight. And this is...

Jaina: Why am I here.

Brooke: Oh, right, that. It's payback.

Jaina: ...Payback? I didn't do anything to you.

Brooke: See, people kept talking to me about the radio I don't remember, and so I listened to it.

Jaina: You can't pay me back for you getting drunk and calling me Brooke and trying to flash me.

Brooke: Oh, dear Brookealike. That's so not what I'm doing. Meet my friend Jack Daniels.

Jaina: I'm not drinking that.

Brooke: Oh, I'll make you, I promise.


The place with the schooling

Jaina: I think we call that school.

Brooke: Oh, unclench. So Phys Ed played football, and they changed into their horrifying uniforms, and Reno was still a bird. See, I don't get to say things like that anywhere but here. Care of Magical Creatures talked about defensive stuff when you're an animal, like talons and stuff. Except that Reno and Merlin were already birds, and Arthur wasn't too happy about that, and okay, two birds, that's weird.

Jaina: We have those periods every now and then. Everyone turns into a creature.

Brooke: That's right, what do you turn into? Don't you get fluffy or something?

Jaina: I bet if you had a black eye, people could tell us apart easier.

Brooke: Get away from me, I brought you alcohol. Movie Appreciation watched the meta for Casablanca and made ourselves comfy, Buffy was bored in the library, Student Council met and planned spirit week, and if you're Chuck Bass, Marco, Alex, Hoshi, Sam of the Winchester variety or Jaina's boyfriend, sucks to be you, you've got detention! Someone's in troubleeeeee...

Jaina: I already knew he had detention.

Brooke: Can you be even a little fun? Dinah found Professor Atreides doing tarot stuff in office hours, and- Okay, I'll make a deal with you. I'll let you read this next one if you do a shot.

Jaina: I'm not-

Brooke: TRUST ME, YOU REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS DEAL.

Jaina: *heavy sigh* Fine.

Brooke: Yay!

*paper shuffling*

Jaina: And in my grandfather's office... he's a cat.

*long silence, followed by hysterical laughter*

Brooke: I TOLD YOU. Shot! ...Once you stop laughing, if you choke and die, I won't be held responsible.

Jaina: No, I'm okay. *snicker*

Brooke: Now drink.

Jaina: Ew. Happy now?

Brooke: Yes. I wonder how many times I can make that happen.


Where we live!

Jaina: Arthur collected on some baked goods from Francine, Dinah hung out waiting for Blysse for some music introductions and Tony or junk food-

Brooke: Not the hot one, right?

Jaina: Um, I don't know?

Brooke: Because if he's in the dorms and not visiting me, I'm gonna sulk.

Jaina: Oh-kay. Claudia is a peacock- oh look, another bird- *snicker*

Brooke: Stop laughing about the cat thing!

Jaina: No! And in a really bad segue, Amber was having a bout of emo, and Sam WInchester took Peter Petrelli down to the shooting range to let him use his gun.

Brooke: Dirty boys.

Jaina: The notes specifically say 'not dirty'.

Brooke: Oh please. See? At the bottom it confirms dirty.

Jaina: ...So it does. Adora wrote a letter to her brother on the deck, which probably didn't work out so well since people kept going to talk to her. Turtle told her turning into a kid was old for her by now, which is not what a rookie wants to hear, Romeo got an apology for being made a minion and there was talk of things I can't read on the air without being a horrible girlfriend, and then Romeo and Hannibal started throwing punches.

Brooke: Who won?

Jaina: The listeners. I don't know. Turtle and Romeo talked business, Adora told Hannibal about her brother and they talked about her friend, and she and Buffy talked about feeling meh- whatever that is- and lack of technology.

Brooke: And then Ronan with an A threw himself a birthday party in the fifth floor common room. Hurley teased my drinking buddy Dojima about her wee birthday, which, hey, was awesome. And anyway, she was flaunting her sake at Jen and talked to Angela about never missing a party, and then got to see that her boyfriend got himself some bruises from fighting. It's okay, Romeo, she totally would have heard us say it anyway.

John offered Tahiri some Cheetos, Hoshi and Turtle talked about being little, and Hoshi and Angela are all "Woo, fast semester!" People. I am almost graduated.

Jaina: Let's not skip ahead that far, okay?

Brooke: I always knew you'd miss me. However, I don't share that feeling. Chris and Liir caught up, Hannibal and Angela are doing really well so says my notes and yay for both of you, John and Romeo talked about Romeo's new bruise and last weekend's mud, and then Jaina here caught John after he ditched her for the party. That's gotta be embarrassing, being right here with me reporting that to everyone.

Jaina: Do you have a boyfriend?

Brooke: Look, bitch-

Jaina: Tahiri was surprised to see me at a party, but I swear it happens sometimes. This time was an accident. And Hurley just wondered if she knew the birthday boy. Everyone brought food- some of us brought food, I mean-

Brooke: Mooch.

Jaina: -and then Ronan was mingling, as one does on their birthday. Or at their party, since I think we're past his birthday. Hurley recognized him as the drunk guy, which... I honestly think that name could apply to a lot of people. Dojima wondered if she should pinch the birthday boy or kiss him, so she settled for his arm, meaning Romeo doesn't need to punch him, Jen complimented the party, Liir asked how he was doing, Ronan asked Chris and Johnny if they were recovered yet. Romeo liked the party for the tiny girls better, and Hoshi was "grinny" at Ronan before talking about going home for the summer. Turtle thought the party was better with her there, and Sam wondered if Ronan really forgot his birthday. There is nothing wrong with that.

Brooke: Meaning you've done it, haven't you?

Jaina: I missed it, not forgot it. There's a difference.


The place that is not school or where we live

Brooke: Biff turned into a bunny-

Jaina: *laugh*

Brooke: Stop that, it's freaking me out. Jen was looking up spoilers at Pizza Planet, Ray's good mood freaking Ralph out at the trooper station, though he told Daisy Ralph smells like bacon. Oh, come on, even I know that's a cop joke. Viki contemplated the sky at work, Cal read a book at Luke's, Chad avoided college letters at Groovy Tunes but at least he's not as bad as Mina who just threw mail away at the clinic. Is it a federal offense if it's your mail? Liir was pensive at Cafe Fina, Charlotte had the movers bringing in a new art exhibit, and Harper of the ducks who I think scares me more than Claudia thought handbags were ugly at Things Reborn. *deep breathing*

Jaina: Are you hyperventilating?

Brooke: GIVE ME THE BOTTLE BACK.

Jaina: While Brooke tortures her liver some more, Hurley did some origami at Covent Garden Flowers, Mary put Gunther on the phone with her old boss when he wouldn't behave at the Arms, which isn't really an effective management technique, Arya opened Coyote Medicine, and Arashi listened to music while our vice principal sewed, and I am just not going to get over that mental image anytime soon.

Brooke: Your grandfather's a cat.

Jaina: *giggling*

Brooke: Freakiest thing ever. Night, Fandom!