What up, Fandom? This is Emmett Cullen reporting to you from Fandom and not a cruise. Lame. It's okay we'll find something to do in this town. We always do.

Anyways, no need to dwell on the depressing, let's get on with the news!



I don't wanna wait for Schooooool to be over

Ethics talked about temperance, diligence and forgiveness. I have all three of those. For serious. Ignore anything any of my family members say. Anakin asks Zayne how his trip home went and Hurley asked Anakin if Jedi packed clean underwear. Seriously, dude? Food Appreciation talked about cheese and Management Theory talked about using chemistry to control people. Heh. Awesome. In Childhood Development we talked about playing and guess what? We played. It was awesome.

Anemone was sulking about vacation being over in the library and discusses said vacation about Robin of the frog variety. Chad wasn't at music club but the other members somehow jammed without him. Brave souls. The hot chicks with guns club met today, as per usual. Jack and Triela talk about their break and Triela also catches up with Naomi. Triela approves of the way Dojima cleans her gun and Agnes is people-watching. And then people shoot stuff. As you do. Arthur was there to be a voyeur and Triela is less than thrilled to see him, apparently. Nathan Algren tries to explain firearms crap to Arthur. Nathan also talks about the field trip with Triela. Okey dokey.

And there was officey crap because it's a school and that's just what goes on. The actual office was getting crapped on by ponies. HA! Oh. Wait. Should I be laughing? Yeah. Fraser was cleaning his office. Dork. Dr. Jones had Sokka stopping by his office. That kid's a spaz. Miss. Bennet also had office hours with tea and Minsc visiting. Ghanima had office hours where she bantered with Leto and agreed to teach Ears Latin. Man, dude. Quit being a nerd.

Like sand through the hour glass, so are the Dorms of our Lives

Chuck's sister is apparently in town because Joan meets her or something. I don't even care. Hannibal was brooding in his room or some crap and a ton of chicks came to visit. Or three. Some chick Charlene came by to steal clothes and got her knockers insulted. Hey. Not nice to insult a chick's jugs. Savannah came by to call Hannibal a dick and throw something at him. BAHAHAHAHHA! Oh. Wait. That's not funny. Except for the fact that it totally is. Amber came in to have a serious business discussion about how he hurt Angela and how he likes her and blah blah blah girls love this sort of crap.

I'm not going to lie here. All this teenage drama kind of makes me want to kill myself. If I wanted teenage drama I'd steal Edward's Two Shrub Valley dvds.

In not-dramatic news Chad has a hangover. I could make it dramatic, wanna see? Chad has a hangover because he caught Teddy blowing some dude in the bathroom at the IHOP and it was the same guy who ran over Chad's ugly cat last summer during hiatus! So then Chad went on a drinking-slash-peyote binge in an Asian country and now he's back with a hangover and cursing Teddy, the guy that ran over his cat and IHOP! MY GOD WILL SOMEONE COME IN TO COMFORT HIM AND THEN END UP SLEEPING WITH HIM ONCE THE MUSIC TURNS TO SOMETHING WRITTEN BY DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE?!

See, I told you. Hey this is kind of fun. Let's keep this going. I love laughing at other people's expenses. I can get away with it. You know why? Because I'm bigger than everyone else. True story. Mostly. Except for Chad.

On the third floor Arthur is brooding *sigh* [feedback] this stuff. Hannibal asks Arthur if he's brooding and, dude, like you should be accusing another dude of brooding. Romeo says hi to Hannibal and Hannibal is a bitch and they snark at each other bitchily. Dor is glad the furniture isn't talking and he introduces himself to both Arthur and Hannibal. Romeo talks to Arthur about his accidental wedding and the shenangians that ensued. Yeah. Shenangians. That's what they are. And Romeo also shares said shenangians with Dor. Blysse and her dog come in and chats with Arthur and Romeo freaks out over Blind Seer. Dude. It's just a dog. I could kick it's ass.

...don't look at me like that. I'm a cat person. Kind of.

Annnnd Priestly also comes in and teaches Arthur about TV programs. Not. Enough. Teenage. Angst. Okay! So what really happened was that Arthur was brooding because it turns out that he loves Chad and wants nothing more than to comfort him and then make out with him once the music switches over to Death Cab For Cutie. I don't need to give Hannibal anymore drama so I'm gonna say he's in there to share his angst with everyone and to flip his hair. Turns out Romeo is the guy Teddy was blowing at the IHOP and the wedding story he keeps telling people is code for the blowing a guy at the IHOP story. Dor is in actuality Chad's half-brother so he seethes once he hears the "wedding" story that Romeo gives him. He hires Blysse and her puppy to take Romeo out and by "out" I mean "kill" and not like "to the IHOP on a date". And then Priestly is just there to watch TV because he's the kooky comic relief. Cue the James Blunt and get someone looking at a body of water broodily, stat!

This job is the greatest.

At the Salle Romeo is waiting for Reno to show up. Reno does show up and teaches Romeo how to use stun batons. Ronan comes by for some swordwork and Reno shows him his batons and Ronan shows him some wizardry in return. Romeo's impressed with Ronan's swordwork and they talk about how Romeo is gonna be sore tomorrow. And at some point Rikku calls Reno.

Honestly, with the exception of the phone call, that whole thing sounded like one big gay orgy so I have nothing to add.

Claudia is having an impromptu slumber party on the first floor. Toby and Claudia think they should have parties if they have to go back to class and also talk about how aliens and wishes should bring nice weather to Fandom. Right. Angela is impressed by the selection Claudia has to offer, not dirty, and Cal gets Claudia's name right. Toby invites Cal to get a blanket and join them and Cal is rightly hesitant. And in the gym, Dinah gets Priestly to spar with her.

That's so not what happened. That wasn't a sleepover, that was a meeting to plot against the people who were chilling on the third floor! Claudia is Arthur's wife and she hates the fact that her husband wants to bone Chad so she's out to get revenge! Toby was at the meeting to get closer to Cal, who was there because he thought it was a 12 Step meeting to kick his habit of stalking Hannibal while he broods. Apparently it's a more common problem than you would think. I mean, you saw all those chicks stalking him in his room earlier. GET HELP, LADIES. And Angela? Oh. Her reason for being there won't be revealed until sweeps. And the comic relief Priestly was in the gym to lighten things up and I bet him and Dinah fought with cream pie and banana peels.

*squeaking*

Me? Drunk? No, I don't drink. I'm naturally like this. Scary, huh?

Town doesn't want to be anything other than what it's been trying to be lately

Jack is offering a cruise discount at the Photo Hut but nobody came in because he's being shunned by the town ever since that incident at the dance when he brought his sister as his date. Mary tried to the environmentally green with the cleaning supplies at the Arms. And by "green" I mean "weed". That's right. Drug addict! She's so excited! She's so scared! Pepper tried to repair a heel at Stark Industries. A heel she broke running from the cops when she tried to steal a CD! She probably had the money to buy it but she just wanted to prove she was cool to the popular kids. Adam is at the Android's Dungeon and Ino is at the Covenant Garden. Both were pining for each other. True story.

Turtle is at the T&C and Reno comes in for baby stuff. OH MY GOD, HE'S PREGNANT! OH THE DRAMA THAT WILL ENSUE FROM THAT! Prince Edward is at Luke's and has kissyface time with Adora. Hell yes. That's the kind of stuff that ups ratings! Now break up in a week and then get back together a week later and then one of you make a mistake and almost break up but then don't really. And then break up again right before the season finale. Aravis is happy to see the horses at the Gig and Ben brings her hot chocolate and ANGST. Angst in the form of bestiality accusations! Those poor horses! *laughs* Man, people are gonna try to kick my ass.

Loki was doing something to furniture at the MHA. Biff calls Loki a dumbass and they talk about the cruise. Nice! Daisy is distracted by squishy chairs and Loki's hat. A new dude named Matt is there for an apartment and Loki insults him and tries to kick his ass. [feedback] YES! THAT IS THE AWESOME CRAP I WANT TO REPORT ON! Screw you guys and your broody angst. ASS KICKING AND EXPLOSIONS! Man if something blows up during this broadcast it is so going to be worth the boring crap I had to put up with earlier.

Temari was at the Wellspring Arms with Rikku when some dudes with poopy diapers came in looking for Cable. Ugh. Man, people have got some weird kinks. Hannibal teaches Adora to rollerskate in an abandoned warehouse and they tape it. Uh...that has to sound creepy to someone other than me. Like, I don't even to make stuff up to get weird imagery. Jen was in a Preserve beating up a tree for some reason. And then she beats up Katchoo. And then Tahiri comes to stop it. And then Lacey misses everything. AWESOME! Savannah was at the beach and her and Johnny talked schoompy talk about how glad they are to be together and how they're married.

*gagging noise* Oh. Oh, god. Sorry. I threw up in my mouth a bit. It's fine now though. I'm fine. Just...flashbacks of me and Jasper finding Edward's fanfic stash online. I have never seen so much melodrama in my life. No smut either!

*squeaky gasps*

I know, right? What the hell's the point if people aren't going to be getting some? Anyways, news. Tony opened up the Boards for rehearsal where they are rehearsing Act III. I'm not going to add drama to drama because that just seems ironic. Marshall and Tino are thumbwrestling at Caritas. Awesome! Chuck's sister is drinking at the bar and so is my favorite broody guy, Hannibal. Mina and Minsc discuss their breaks and Minsc apparently doesn't approve of reading or something. War against education. I approve. Tyler and Ronon hang out in the back room. We all know what that means. I think. Maybe? I have no idea. Let's pretend it's what we think it is. And Harley is at the clinic but no one shows up because this is a teen drama not a hospital drama.



*squeaking*

Yes, I think being this big gives me license to be a dick. Are you going to stop me?

*silence*

Yeah, didn't think so. But if anyone listening wants to try to stop me I'm the big pale guy that lives on the fourth floor. You're welcome to try. Okay, Fandom, I'm outta here. I'm gonna go marathon some action movies to clear my mind of this broadcast. Night!