Sam: Good evening, Fandom. I hope those of you who are addicted to your coffee are doing well.

Dean: Yeah, hi. For those new to the island, this is the brothers Winchester, bringing you all the news that's fit for squirrel notes.

Sam: The squirrels seem glad to see you, at least. I swear, I'm only doing this as long as I don't get bitten.

Dean: You hear that Peter? Biting isn't one of Sammy's kinks.

Sam: That's not--something I'm going to talk about right now.

Dean: I'm just trying to be helpful.

Sam: Be helpful when we're not on the air in front of a bunch of new people, please?

Dean: Hey, I wasn't the one who brought up biting.

Sam: I didn't mean that kind! I--look, the squirrels have notes, maybe we should read them.

Dean: Might be an idea before you dig yourself any deeper.


School

Dean: Anemone opened the library today and brought leftover fortune cookies. And Miss Bennet had office hours with books and materials. I think I'd go for the fortune cookies myself.

Sam: You? Choose food over books? No, I can't believe it.

Dean: I'd say bite me, but I think you'd rather bite Peter. In Management Theory class, students had to choose what lever to pull, picked out a swoopy cape, and practiced making an entrance with attitude. Y'know I don't think Management Theory means what I thought it meant.

Ethics class discussed lying. Students played two truths and a lie. Marco told Anakin that he was a vending machine last week and Peter asked Anakin when they could train.

In Food Appreciation, Marshall lectured on bar foods and us students then got busy appreciating said food. Have I mentioned that this is the best class ever? Marco told Marshall about the whole vending machine thing. Y'know only here would that be just another excuse for being absent.

Sam: At least it's an excuse that's sort of relevant to the class? More than being someone's pet for the week would be.

Dean: Heh, I hadn't thought of it like that. You're right. Child Development this week was all about crying babies. There was a lecture on why babies cry, and then students had to make a crying baby stop. Not exactly a great class to go to if you had a migraine. Oh and a handy trick if you ever are faced with that? Humming Metallica works wonders.


Dorms

Dean: Over in the dorms, Ino was reading and Ichigo promised he wasn't going to steal her underpants. I'm sure she's happy to hear that. Kaylee futzed with a steering column and Ned stopped in and they talked about Kaylee being supersmart and how big Emmett is. Which is really big -- he's even bigger than you, Sammy.

Sam: That's not impossible, you know. I'm not that tall...compared to some people.

Dean: Yeah, Emmett and Godzilla. Alex ate a Mets sandwich, Amber was livid that her socks were gone, and John got a phone call from Jaina about why she left in a hurry. Arthur was slamming doors and being cranky, and bitching to Merlin about how he should have his sword and shield ready for evil sorcerer attacks. I wouldn't get fixated on just one threat like that, dude. We're just as likely to get attacked by evil tap dancers. It's Fandom, ya never know.

Sam: Or you could get attacked by nothing at all since this is a nice, safe, non-scary place most of the time.

Dean: Except when it's not. Speaking of sorcerers, though not evil, Tony did a spell that caused a huge sudsy mess in the second floor hallway. Joan and Peter were swarmed by scrubbing bubbles. So, did anyone think to throw their laundry in the hallway? Sounds like it was one giant washing machine.

You may have noticed the fliers up all over the dorms about the coffee makers going on strike and giving only decaf. I think we can all agree that the real question here is how coffee makers were able to make up fliers.

Sam: ...that's kind of disturbing to think about, actually.

Dean: Still think this is a non-scary place? In the laundry room Dinah and Jack both were victims of the laundry strike, the dryers stealing their clothes.

In the common room on the second floor this afternoon, Priestly commisserated with the coffee machine and got it to make coffee. Claire stopped by and asked if the coffee machine was talking back to him. Which wouldn't be impossible around here.

Robin introduced himself to Claire, who was weirded out by a talking felt frog. Moreso than the possibility of a talking coffee machine?

And the coffee machine actually did talk -- burst into song even -- when Dor showed up. See, I told you.

Clocky came racing in follwed by an enraged Katina. The yelling freaked out Robin, who hid on the top of the fridge. No word on if the fridge objected.

A shirtless Johnny walked in playing with fire which boggled Priestly. John on his part was interested in Priestly's tattoo and hairstyle. Katina was less than impressed with Johnny and told him she's isn't interested in guys.

Katina also talked to Viki, who wondered if the machine cared if it was talked to. Priestly pointed out it had to care about something to go on strike. Robin asked how Viki has been.

Claudia and Priestly had a mutual admiration thing going on, while when Robin said hi, she freaked out at the talking puppet and threw her mug at it. Claudia and Claire realized they were in Child Development together and they talked about trying to get the babies to stop crying. I'm telling ya, Metallica. Really.

Sam: You're indoctrinating Grace already, aren't you?

Dean: Hey, if it works... Robin asked if Priestly had any luck with the coffee maker.

Up on the fourth floor in the common room, Worf was watching tv and Cal wanted to know what in God's name Worf was watching. The answer, apparently was The View.

And continuing upwards, on the roof, Arthur was perched looking out. So... is he part bird or something?

Hannibal told him not to jump. Because y'know that kind of thing tends to make a big mess. Chuck teased Hannibal about getting beat up and bragged that Arthur thinks he's a king. Here's a bit of news for you Arthur, he's not. Unless it's the king of asses.

Penelope came up on the roof and Arthur stared at her nose -- which is totally rude, buddy. She explained about the family curse and he in turn explained about the questing beast. Okay then.

Arthur kinda freaked at the news that Temari was a knight because she's a girl and so she challenged him. Another word to the wise, Arthur -- 'round here, there's a good chance that any girl you talk to can kick your ass from here to Mars and back. So, you might keep that in mind when making sexist remarks.

Chuck was up on the roof to smoke which got odd looks from Arthur. Yeah, I'm with him -- smoking's a nasty habit. Not surprised Chuck does it.

Liir flew up on his broom and Arthur lost his shit and accused Liir of being a sorcerer. And I should just call this section of the broadcast useful information for Arthur because I'm going to point out that going around here and accusing people of being bad just because they do magic is going to get you into trouble. Also, make you look stupid. The one fact does not necessarily follow the other.

Sam: At least, not here. Out in the rest of the world...well, you never know. Prince Edward had some laundry trouble today - more than the rest of us, at least. First, there was an issue with how to use the machines, and after Dinah explained how they worked, his clothes were stolen, and he had to borrow some of hers. For his sake, I hope she's not a skirt person.

Meg was down in the rec room this evening, tinkering at the piano. She let Penelope take over when she stopped by, which was probably a good thing since the notes say she was very good at playing. Penelope got Oreos from Hurley, and they talked about how Ino feels about them dating. I'd say something about people minding their own business, but I think the very nature of this broadcast proves how impossible that can be here.

Dean: Hey, if you were a squirrel, wouldn't you rather pay attention to everybody else's business than just nuts?

Sam: Maybe. I'd probably only need everybody else's business to be half as interesting as it is here. Robin and Penelope talked about how their holidays went, and Hurley shared his Oreos with Meg as they talked about the classes they're taking this semester. Robin talked to Hurley about classes as well before introducing himself to Eowyn and giving her her first "not all our students are human" moment. You get used to it guys, I promise. Eowyn also talked to Meg about how she's settling in, which is apparently very well, frog encounters not withstanding.

Robin and Meg talked about how long they've been at the school. Blysse came in and introduced Meg to Blind Seer, who she explained is her packmate and not her pet, and talked to Robin about her classes. Buffy got drawn in by Meg's music as well, and they talked about the island's current lack of monsters, and how insane some of our teachers are. Some? Really? Remember, they're all at least a little crazy to stick around here.

Dean: You do remember that Dad was a teacher until this term, right?

Sam: Okay, I stand corrected. They're crazy unless they have a really, really good reason to be here.

Dean: Nice save.

Sam: I have my moments. Robin told Buffy he was glad she found the rec room, since it's easy to miss. And Sookie stopped in, complimenting Meg on her playing before they got into a discussion of how weird and/or normal their homes are compared to Fandom. Sookie also met Blysse, who assured her that Blind Seer wouldn't hurt her, and Robin, who gave Sookie an "Oh my God, talking frog" moment as well. Seriously, you get used to it after a while.


Town

Sam: Over at the Freelance Police headquarters, Max interrogated a washer and dryer, even though he doesn't wear clothes, and Murdock stopped in to check his schedule. Jack found that nothing was on strike at the Photo Hut - yet, I'd say - while Adam checked the stock at Android's Dungeon. Mary had her laundry hanging in the lobby of the Arms Hotel, and Tully was relieved to see that he's not alone in his laundry woes. Lion-O had his shift at Cafe Fina, and got a visit from Momoko, and Tony was ready for his stage manager duties at the Boards.

Hinata cleaned things up at Book Haven, Ino fussed with the flowers at Covent Garden, and Loki was swearing at the washing machines at MHA until Sarah distracted him with her own washing machine complaints, a discussion of what happened to Daisy's oven, and a game of darts.

...If you're thinking about playing against any of the people in town, you can just stop right now, Dean.

Dean: I like pool better anyway.

Sam: No playing pool against the people in town either. At least, not for money. Mr. Eriksen brought the leftovers from his class to his shift at Caritas. Tyler stopped in, asked him how his class is going, and found out that Mr. Eriksen is really a lawyer. Then he and Lady Ghanima worked on their assembly presentation over drinks. That should make for a fun showing. Tully wondered if the taps were on strike, but I'm pretty sure we would have heard anguished cries coming from town if that were true.

And speaking of anger, in case anyone missed the announcement, we've all been advised by the mayor to not get violent with the washing machines. Or with the coffee makers, I assume, no matter how awful decaf might be.

Dean: Just switch to Mountain Dew for your caffiene fix until this blows over.

Sam: But it's such a weird color.

Dean: Dude. Seriously? That's your complaint?

Sam: That and I really like coffee. How would you feel if the ovens in town refused to bake pies?

Dean: I'd petition Vkandis to help with baking over an open fire.

Sam: Cheater. Is that everything you've got?

Dean: Yep. You?

Sam: Looks like it. So, I guess that means good night, Fandom. Keep your fingers crossed that the machines are all better tomorrow. They have to go back to normal eventually. I hope.