*squirrels chittering*

Why the hell do I have to do this? Get Scherbatsky down here, she's supposedly with some form of the media!

*ice crackling with squirrel chittering sweetly*

Hey, when you put it that way, how can I argue? Oh, it's on? Greetings Fandom!


The School - Where I Teach You Idiots

Thank God it's Saturday and there aren't any classes or we'd be here all day with the *high pitched voice* so and so had office hours because he followed the rules. Ahem. Really? Why promote having the idiots come bug you about their problems? Sounds like work or something. There was a computer in the library. I don't know how that's news worthy, but there you go.

The Dorms Have Fires Now?

Because Fandom is bat-shit insane, it was raining candy today. I expect tomorrow everyone'll hit the gym to work it all off. My advice? Find a chick who's mere pounds away from being bangable and invest some positive interest. The payoff is exponential. YEAH! Sheppard was up to no good in the dorms while Snarf woke up his boyfriend excited by the candy. Outside there was Rodney at the Scorpius campfire working on the computer. On a Saturday? I bet he's one of those World of Warcraft fools prancing about as some hot, blonde elf picking up other dudes accidentally. Shirtless Toby seems to have made some keen observations about the weather conditions that piss off Rodney. Liir is mostly concerned with sharing Rodney's umbrella -ella -ella, HEY I am not singing that stupid song! Sheppard and Liir share some awkward moments regarding ponies and I'm sure no one wants to know. Sheppard is as horrified as I am that Rodney would be playing on his computer outside. Let's pause here and pray for Rodney's virginity.

*dead air*

Right, so luckily, the Andromeda campfire has a 100 percent increase in hot chicks from the Scorpius flame. Okay fine, it has one. Some Jaina chick who's never eaten a hot dog and I think that's a euphemism for something else because she makes a date with Cal to give it a try. And then Sheppard nearly dies from a s'more. It's called chewing. Look into it. Some kid named Dick and not my ex-wing man makes Cadbury s'mores with Jaina and probably there's another date for you. His name is Dick. I'm just saying. Answering Dick's questions is a job for Cal! And Sheppard warns Dick away from Jaina's s'mores. Huh. Mabye the s'mores are another euphemism and she's on a mission to capture seed. I've seen it a hundred times people. Do not fall for this. I repeat, do not.

Town Where No One Gets Laid

*papers rustling* Seriously, just those two boys down in the Gallery? The gays in this town get all the sex! Fine, openings, openings. Right, so Kevin opened the Gallery and he left with Andros. Georgie Porgie packed and left Mary a letter. Please tell me you lemon-lawed her? Mary in turn visited with Mike and talked about her disease. Herpes? No, chlamydia? Wait! SHE'S PREGNANT, ISN'T SHE? *chittering* I am not starting rumors! I'm extrapolating from your notes! *cranky chittering* Fine, fine. The Coog's girlfriend had her first day of work at Wellspring Arms where she refused to actually sell weapons to Lee and wondered about Worf who was attempting to meditate.

Turtle who's not actually a turtle opened Turtle & Canary when Murdock the teacher not the boyfriend came to chat about naming issues. Sounds like someone's going to be getting some extra credit if you know what I mean. Squirrel five? *tiny smacking sound* Awesome! Over at Groovy Tunes things got pretty groovy between Chad and Brooke. Roy had some special alone time at the Trooper Station. Let's hope the security cameras didn't catch that one-on-one action, huh? Katara and Zuko debated the potential poison of the candy rain. Instead of candy, Mary preferred alcohol as a remedy to her hangover, though I hear pregnant women should avoid alcohol if they don't want stupid kids. Explains a lot about my students last semester. Ino has never heard of fun and was reading in the park. There was a bridge in Stark Industries today. Must be a big building. Isabel wanted to see the bridge and pick up her phones, Tony wants it to rain scotch - Tony? Whoever you are, be my wingman - and Xander had lunch on the bridge. What's it overlook? The sewage treatment plant? That might explain why after leaving his letter, Georgie is in a craptacular mood at the Banana Stand. Huh. Jen was making s'more pizzas today and I'm wondering if hers were dirty like that Jaina chick. Too bad she's a student. Michael who is also a student though not a hot chick, was at Luke's and had a visit from Liir. People in town like their coffee and this was proved by Gabriel drinking it up in the church, and River drinking it down in the Perk. Did you hear what I did there? *confused chittering* *sigh* Nevermind. Amber would understand. She was 'accidentally' drunk at the beach when Murdock demanded to see her license.

The clinic is a very special place because Adah was there in the morning and Igor and Adah were chatting there in the evening. Special I say. I need stronger rum to kill the boredom.

Speaking of beverages that do more than quench your thirst, the mildly attractive letter 'J' - oh, I see, she's not like the letter at all. Intriguing. So this Jaye chick opened Caritas and failed to go home with me though she did earn a nice tip. Maybe next week, Jaye? She worked hard to find something Worf would imbibe while I got Worf to spill the beans about his mating rituals. Oh, so that's Worf. Dude, I get why the Coog's girl was staring earlier. And Dean found out that Jaye gets free drinks.

And it seems that's all for me! Hey, this suit is handmade in Italy, no tugging!

*chittering*

What do you mean, no? Oh fine, just when I'm done you people decide to pull out the golems!

Ahem, in breaking news, there's a Golem and a genet at the Sirius campfire talking to Dawn, who is my TA and didn't bother to show for class this week. Don't worry, kid. We won't let Ron abuse you too badly! Meanwhile, it seems Dean has returned from Caritas and tries to get Alec to give him some dirt. Dirty? I don't know. You squirrels aren't very specific about these things.

*annoyed chittering*

It's not my fault you don't have a union! Talk to your boss, I'm out of h-

*dead air*