Morning, ever-

*chittering*

No, I'm not going to talk like a pirate today.

*chittering*

Yeah, I know, we were founded by a pirate but we had Three Minute Dates last night, I can't do all those notes while talking in 'arrr's.

*chittering*

*long-suffering sigh*

Fine. Let's see how this goes. Arr, this is Jaye with yesterday's news. Diego was maybe working at yon trooper station, Miguel walked into dancing at Luke's... Something something sea shanty? And Lucifer and Octavia made with the banging.

And then yarr, there be Five Minute Dates-

*chittering*

I know Barbossa would be ashamed of me, all I know is yarr.

*chittering*

No, I'm not running the notes through a pirate translator you found on Google. We're doing this normal.

*sulky chittering*

People showed up at the bar before the dates to sign up or get signed up, with Illyana volunteering to I guess anti-wingwoman Ulysses. And then we got five rounds of dates. No, I don't have to recap all the dates individually which is good because they're being real stingy with the rum right now.

And then I was behind the bar after the dates, where people mingled, with Stark hearing about Faye being willing to punch any of his dates if they got too comfortable, and Diego and Annie mosty talking about birthdays and getting old, and me meeting the new guy who didn't go on dates. Margo and Irene talked about crime, while Margo and Eliot talked about their prospects, and he didn't seem to like my bartending but I also don't have shame, so. Ulysses got to introduce Eliot to the concept of the radio- hi, Eliot!- and Jon came to him to talk about magic. Also Belle and Five drank and bickered and the squirrels- Oh god, the squirrels have raised black flags covered in glitter.

And in the lounge, Prompto was proud of Gladio for surviving, and Jon got invited to do shots after buying Gladio a zombie band shirt.

And that's it for the notes! Nurse your hangovers, arr.

This was definitely offensive to someone, past or present.