Okay, so like, maybe I'm paranoid and all, but my throat's been sore all day. It's not supposed to be sore, right? Are the sick people getting sore throats? Because I totally took a Hall's and it's not working, so I eschew hellos today, Fandom, to ask you if this is something I dare go to the clinic for, or if I'm just going to make things worse by going there and exposing myself to all those germs in case I'm just being Little Miss Hypochrondriac. Is there anyone still well in this town? Anyone?


School, which I doubt anyone went to

Tactics was held today, but apparently Professor Kerrigan looked like sh- hell, so everyone was all freaked out and then Lee made her go to the clinic. And Professor Deadpool was worried in Feminism and no one was really paying attention, but I figure look, this week, everyone has to have a by on that sort of thing, right? And Fraser checked in on him and then Cable literally crashed in on it, and um, hello, rude much? They were so having a convo there. Career Classes had Robin Not the Frog as a sub, and Japanese had Deadpool subbing, and US History had a repeat class. Seriously, I think everyone's at least called out sick mentally this week.

Vice Principal Hades had office hours, but they were quiet due to all the malaria, and the office was running virus checks. Aww, it's so good of them to try and help like that.

The library was the happening place to be, because all the smart people were doing the research thing. Well, all the smart people who don't have Epstein Barr or whatever. Don't want to insult anyone. River was totally fine, but the squirrel wrote it in all caps which makes me wonder a lot and want to shove River into the hands of the nearest doctor or nurse or candy striper or whatever else they've got, Chris thought the answer was in the Book of Shadows- that sounds so Goth- which Adah thought was dumb, and then he got bossed around by Cable, who was all frustrated. Adah told Hermione what the deal was, and Hermione proceeded to geek with Willow and I think she studied at Rikku. Adah was all into Willow's computer, and Chris and Willow compared notes. Sokka couldn't believe that Ebola broke the Internet, and tried using movie logic on Adah. Something tells me she didn't fall for it. Isabel made sure Peter Parker wasn't sick, Sam and Karal fretted at each other, Molly ran errands, Adah helped Rikku get researchy, Thursday brought her son in, and the squirrel is back to talking about Lee and Adah's hypothetical babies. Good to know something's normal around here.



Dorms, which are probably empty due to illness

Andros and Annette, woke up sick, and I hope they all got their asses to the clinic because I do not need more germs in my dorm. Karal dragged Aravis to town hall, and Qui-Gon got Sora to some medical attention, and Ino was sick so she went to Kabuto and then went to see a doctor or something, right? And then at the end of the night, Adam got to go back to his own room to crash.

No, seriously, that's it. Told you.


Fandom Town: if you were diseased, you'd be home by now!

Non-illness stuff first, because let's face it, there's not a lot. Faith opened Caritas and Professor Squall and Jenny and Dale came in for a drink, but it should have been way deader due to the fact that the whole island has totally been beseiged by like, leprosy or whatever. And then Faith and Squall headed off for... OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY EXCHANGING BODILY FLUIDS AT A TIME LIKE THIS, WHAT WITH A CONTAGIOUS AND VIRULENT DISEASE THINGIE GOING AROUND? What is the matter with you! The hotel and Pixie Dust were open, but the banana stand, Magic Box, post office and church were closed. Does it strike anyone as odd that the end of days could be upon us and the church is closed? That's ironic like Alanis. Dale's had no sleep at the trooperstation, and Faith came in for her weekly check-in, which kind of makes it sound like he's her parole officer? Aly was sick but watched America's Next Top Model with Deadpool anyway, and oh my god, you're a teacher! Fashion is important, but there is always Tivo! And okay, we've already reached the next sick people portion of our broadcast.

*sneeze*

DID YOU HEAR THAT? YOU ALL HEARD THAT RIGHT? Oh my god, is that like, it? Am I sick?

Okay, okay. Calming down. Moving on, Melody made cookies to bring to the town hall, and aww, that is so sweet! And poor Katara had to go have a cry on the beach, like I can see how a girl'd be a little bit stressed at the moment, and she talked to Sherriff Mustang and got a hug from a kitty and forget everything I said before about pet hair on clothes. Sometimes you need it. And Peter Petrelli duplicated himself to get everything done, and while this town is all weird and stuff? That's pretty awesome.

Leo was broody in the park and convinced Jack to get to the clinic, and Joanna was at the golf course which was all closed, but she got in trouble because she and Professor Stinson tried to use Go Karts to escape the island, which kind of didn't work? And Professor Winchester found a rash on his baby and oh my god, that's not fair!

And so as if the sick people and the doom and stuff wasn't enough, they quarantined the island. Constable Fraser and Cable and Roy talked about the whole illness thing, like there's another subject right now. I mean, you can't exactly be all "Hey, so how was that raging party last night?" these days, can you? Alybrought sandwiches and told Roy he looked like crap and that's just what a guy always wants to hear.

Professor Wilson opened the town hall clinic this morning, where there was no shortage of sick people. Lee brought Professor Kerrigan, Karal brought Aravis, Bridge brought Xander, and Annette, River, Z, Marco and Andros came in by themselves. And there were still staff and volunteers and stuff to help. Peter Petrelli and Katara checked in with each other, and Katara and Andrew talked about Bart, Jaina made sure Andrew's taking care of himself, and Peter and Isabel talked about how all the communications are down, like things aren't bad enough here, let's not be able to check like that WebMD site or anything, too.

And oh wow, the sick people seriously just don't stop. Ronan took his sick time to tell Peter Petrelli about his time away from Fandom, which I'm sure seems like a good idea right about now, and Jenny checked in with him. Summer told Savannah about the dreams she's having, Karal looked in on Savannah, who Johnny tried to wake up from a nightmare. Wyatt tried a healing spell, and Sean -without-an-H tried to help. Hoshi had nightmares, consolation from Peter Petrelli, and a hallucinogenic frog. Said frog also visited Professor Taylor and Anenome, who was promised by Karal that she didn't have to go on a sortie. I have no idea what that is, but she can't be too bad off if she's talking about French things, right? Katara gave Bridge some ointment, but he was more worried about Xander, and Adam and Z stopped by.

Katara checked in on Chad, and Teddy was pretty determined not to go anywhere. Johnny Storm gave Isabel a few messages... like an answering machine? The frog checked in on Isabel, Wyatt tried to get rid of Johnny's headache, and Sean looked in on him. Katara checked on Dick, and Beauty went to see him for Annette. Aww. Eve and Anders were totally in hate with this whole thing, Victor was irritable at Karal because he's not better yet, and told Molly if she doesn't have a cure, he doesn't wanna hear it. He seems pleasant.

Also, that squirrel looks a little pale. Maybe I'm projecting.

Savannah and Eve talk about her nightmare, and Adam checked on Eve. Wyatt tried to help Lana's headache, and Chris promised to make her better, and uhhhh. Not to be like a downer or anything? But you might not wanna be making promises like that, you know? Karal, Jaina and Molly all checked in on Anakin, Summer fretted at Shawn, and this may not be the place to say so, but 'fret' is a great word. George Michael stayed with Mary, who also got a visit from Stanley, and Anne and Katara talked about the Lady of Shallott. ...What? Anyway, Molly got water for Anne, Kerrigan had to be sedated, and Lee and Katara talked about how pleasant the professor is. I'm sure that's much easier to say when she's out cold.

Aravis told Karal to make sure Seely knew where she was, Karal tried to get something to help Annette sleep, and I have no idea if medication was involved and if that's why she thought Adam was some guy named Sebastian. Karal also tried to help River get some sleep, Adam and Katara checked in on Z, Isabel promised to feed Xander's frog, which kind of makes me think maybe she's delirious, and Marco asked Karal for a new set of lungs. You might have to get on a donor list for that. Karal and Adam checked in on Andros, Karal prepared Seely to go see Aravis, and Sean and Adam chatted in the waiting area.

Doogie took over the night shift, where even more sick people showed, including Harriet Jones, Dean of Students, Evie, Ino and Turtle, who had better not have left germs all over this radio station from last night. That goes for you, too, Professor Sedative! The volunteers were still hanging around, though Anathema became a voluntee. Oops. Gavin offered his help to Karal, Doogie and Peter Petrelli checked on Katara, Isabel tried to tell Peter to rest for my second note now, and I don't think he's gonna, and that goes for you too, Sam. Wyatt comforted Isabel, John Sheppard checked on Jaina, and then, of course, more sick people.

Isabel brought Ronan some blankets, Peter Petrelli sent a duplicate to sit with him, Jenny told him to get better so he can smoke... Jenny! Not productive! And Wyatt did a healy thing on him. Savannah got presents from Sean and Summer, Wyatt tried to bring Hoshi, Dick and Bridge's fevers down, Jaina checked in on Anenome, Katara and Sam looked in on Dawn, and Teddy was apparently serious about not leaving Chad, aww. Katara made sure Chad wasn't even thinking about going anywhere, and John Sheppard checked in on him. The frog looked in on Johnny Storm, Fraser checked on Dick, and even when the situation's bad and this is really inappropriate, I just can't make that sound clean.

Anders couldn't make Eve lay down. Eve, lay down. Everyone's sick. You're not special. Victor was pestered by Lee, made a bet with Inara and was promised earplugs by Jaina, Fraser and Adam checked in on Eve, Chris woke Lana from a nightmare, and Jolee questioned whether Anakin was fine. I'm going with no.

Mary tried to help, which didn't work since she's still sick, Anne wasn't happy to see that Evie's there too, Professor Sedative continued to live up to her name, Aravis got water from Molly, comforted by Seely and threatened to throw up on Pam. Ew. Jaina and Meg both checked on a sleeping Annette, the frog, who I think is not the one Isabel is going to feed, checked on Xander, as did Vala and Willow. Katara scolded Marco for playing a game, but I'd think he would be fine as long as it wasn't like Aravis' game of threatening to throw up on people. Jolee checked on Andros, the frog got Anathema a blanket, Turtle got doted on by Fraser and the frog again. Katara offered to heal Dean Jones some, and Fraser was all surprised to see her there. Dean Jones, not Katara. You should know Katara's name by now.

Roy made Joanna volunteer, Jamie came to see Z, Anakin had a nightmare, and Jamie decided to cheer everyone up with a puppet show at the clinic. It helps a little, right? Right?

And then, okay, I totally don't know how to report this, and the principal did a much better job than me, but Bart died and it's sad and it's horrible and Andrew went back to their room to cry and guuuuuuys I do not want to cry on radio and I didn't even know him!


So, okay, this is Cher, and um... Bye, I guess. Take vitamin C!