Kanan: So, we're not trusting this, right?

Sparkle: We are super not trusting this. This is not to be trusted. Man, a bush laughed at me on my way in to hijack your radio slot again and that shit is not on.

Kanan: And so there we have it. This week's Onsen Party Barometer says, "Don't trust this." Anyway, I--

Sparkle: --Have a bad feeling?

Kanan: ... Shut up.

Sparkle: Heeee.

Kanan: Why did you decide to pick today, anyway? Why all of a sudden do you want to steal the broadcast again?

Sparkle: Because I wanted to say Happy Canada Day to like the two Canadians on the island. Happy Canada Day! Don't trust the laughing bushes.

Kanan: Fair enough. This means you're helping with reading the news, you know.

Sparkle: Damn right I am. The squirrels find all the best gossip. Look! Lana was playing Sith Opera for the bouncy books at the library!

Kanan: That's a thing?

Sparkle: I mean, we know the books bounce.

Kanan: No, the Sith Opera.

Sparkle: I have stumbled across datacrons full of weird Jedi poetry in the library on Coruscant while I'm bored, nothing surprises me anymore. And for the record, that stuff is, like, super--

Kanan: Hey, look, Prompto left a package for Nina and Vette after coming back from Insomnia.

Sparkle: They make medication for that, bro.

Kanan: ... Right. Anyway, Nina and Vette came back to their room, babbling about human wedding traditions - I'm pretty sure a good quarter of that wedding was anything but traditional - and... there's a lot of glitter on this note. You guys couldn't be bothered to at least dust it off, first?

Squirrels: *CHITTER*

Sparkle: ... Whoa, Leroy looks like a disco ball in a press hat.

Kanan: It's a good look for him. So, shall we do Caritas next, or move on to the wedding?

Sparkle: Caritas! The wedding is a Special Occasion, you have to save these things for last.

Kanan: Alright, then. Atton had a bunch of rainbow flowers at the bar last night.

Sparkle: He haaaated them, it was great. They weren't even my fault! Anyway, Karina stopped by for a visit, which involved the requisite Atton-needling because that is what you do with an Atton. It guarantees freshness or whatever. Me, I just tackled Karina and squeed about Hernando and glowy fishes. And also I ordered drinks from Atton by pointing at flowers and demanding they colour-coordinate, as is right and proper.

Kanan: I can honestly say I've never had anyone order drinks to match the floral arrangements before.

Sparkle: Sure, but I bet your bartending experience all comes from, like, Outer Rim cantinas. Aren't people lucky to even get served in some of those?

Kanan: In some of the places I've worked over the years, people were lucky if the cantina had floors.

Sparkle: Ha. Knew it. And now it's time for my faaaaavourite notes.

Kanan: Your faaaaavorite notes wouldn't happen to be about a certain wedding would they?

Sparkle: You bet your butt they are. Look, it was on a yacht! The rainbow stuck around!

Kanan: That was nice of it, true.

Sparkle: And the Processional was so perfectly them and Raven was there to give Hardison yay-I-wouldn't-miss-this hugs and Kathy was super cute at Eliot about picking up a new stepdad-and-mom and Parker and Hardison were oh-my-god adorable reminiscing about when they met and stuff and Parker and Eliot wondered why they didn't do this sooner and--

Kanan: Inhale.

Sparkle: *Deep breath.* IT WAS SO GREAT.

Kanan: Well, it was a nice Ceremony, I think, with Pastor Carter doing a... sermon? How is that called? Before the bride and grooms exchanged their vows.

Sparkle: I totally didn't cry.

Kanan: You cried, didn't you?

Sparkle: I super cried.

Kanan: Did you recover by the Reception, at least?

Sparkle: Maaaaybe.

Kanan: You probably weren't the only one, at least. Kathy and Dante discussed their respective wedding fashions, Anders and Kathy speculated about whether that could ever be them up there, Parker talked to Kathy about the honeymoon plans, and Nana and Cassie finally got to meet and then played the people-watching-game. The what?

Sparkle: You know, like, when you point at strangers in a crowd and go, "Oh my god THAT GUY is wearing SOCKS with his SANDALS what tragic backstory made him think that was even remotely okay???"

Kanan: ... It's not?

Sparkle: Would you even be caught dead in sandals?

Kanan: Probably not.

Sparkle: Keep it that way, you weird fashion disaster man. Back to the reception! Parker and Nana hugged, aww, and talked about Nana's husband, MORE AWW, and Eliot and Nana talked about future kids and help I'm dying everything is good and beautiful in the world. Raven did a little catching up with Dante and teasing him about his wardrobe. Yeah, man, red is only a wedding colour in sprawling epic fantasy stories with like dragons and crap. But you wore it good, so.

Kanan: ... There are wedding colors?

Sparkle: You're hopeless. Anyway, Anders cautioned Dante to pace himself, and there was talk about leading the whole boat in song, and you know I would have joined in on that action if it had happened.

Kanan: I would not have.

Sparkle: You have no sense of adventure.

Kanan: I don't think I've ever been accused of that before. Kathy wandered over to chat with Raven and finally got to meet Misfit, and Parker Parkered at them and they talked a bit about the local weird, which is part of the reason the newlyweds are the newly-gone.

Sparkle: Seriously, I'm kinda amazed that the population of the island hasn't whittled down to people who have nowhere else to go at this point. And even kinda then...

Kanan: Some morbid part of me wants to see where this summer is going.

Sparkle: .... Well, that's stupid.

Kanan: Have some sense of adventure, kid.

Sparkle: I'm like three years younger than you. Maybe four!

Kanan: And I'm about to steal this next page of notes.

Sparkle: Don't you dare. Hardison totally had a chat with Tony about starting a rumour that he's pregnant, and this note has already made a beeline into some of the weirder corners of the internet, guys. Nina and Cassie met and played the who-are-you-here-for guessing game, and AWWWWWW.

Kanan: What awww?

Sparkle: EVERYTHING AWWW BUT THIS NOTE AWWW.

Kanan: You gonna read it?

Sparkle: Nope, I'm gonna frame it. And ship it.

Kanan: ... To where?

Sparkle: Sigh. Anyway, Hardison invited Nina to go peruse the contents of the milkshake bar, which was there at least partly to keep Parker from drinking straight from the chocolate fountain. Kathy made her introductions to Nina and explained that she inherited Dite's because the last manager threw the keys at her, and yeah, more people end up with businesses around here that way...

Kanan: For the record, Fandom, I don't want a business.

Sparkle: You stole a warehouse, close enough.

Kanan: I don't think that's how it works.

Sparkle: I literally wound up owning Demon Marcus because I broke in looking for crash space and nobody ever showed up to stop me from continuing to do that.

Kanan: ... I guess I stole a warehouse. Hardison swung around to thank Summer for coming, which also kind of doubled as an introduction. He also stopped to thank Pastor Carter for a very moving ceremony. Eliot absolutely wasn't asking me if Hera and I are doing more than working together--

Sparkle: How much of that working together involves kissing?

Kanan: Basically exactly none of it, thanks.

Sparkle: And an island full of shippers just went, 'aw.'

Kanan: Shipping where?

Sparkle: You'll never know. Looks like Parker swung by to offer you chocolate. Man, you turned down wedding chocolate?

Kanan: It's a whole thing.

Sparkle: ... Yeah, you're turning greenish. Dante in all his red-wedding glory complimented me on Saturday's Pride stuff - everyone did so good there, by the way. I love you all, let's do it again next year with like 300% more planning in advance on my part, okay? Parker offered me wedding chocolate and I did take it, you monster, and we talked a bit about the ceremony and how hot the pastor was and yes I'm probably going to hell for that but I don't caaaare and Eliot and I did a little catching up and don't-be-a-stranger-ing and talking about why people might choose to stick around this island like crazy people.

Kanan: That category includes you too, you know.

Sparkle: Oh, don't I *BEEP*ing know it.

Kanan: Kitty and Clint speculated about how a shower would work with three people.

Sparkle: Isn't it, like, the same as a shower for two people, but with one extra person?

Kanan: That's basically exactly what the note says Kitty said.

Sparkle: Well, yeah. Common sense!

Kanan: For people who know anything about any of that sort of thing, sure.

Sparkle: You are such a Jedi, man.

Kanan: I am nominally a Jedi, kid.

Sparkle: Don't call me kid.

Kanan: ....

Sparkle: Anyway, Hardison and Kitty did the hugging and talking about being married role models, and Eliot asked after Kitty's baaaabyyyyy who is not actually biting ankles. And then, once the reception was through and all the guests were chased off the boat, the newlyweds sailed off into the sunset and oh my god I'm gonna miss them, come baaaack.

Kanan: They're not going to, you know. They're on the list of people who aren't crazy enough to stick around this place if they can help it.

Sparkle: Yeah, I know, but... like.

Kanan: ... Yeah, I know.

Sparkle: ....

Kanan: Are you crying?

Sparkle: *BEEP* no. But that's all the notes! So, I guess, like... we come up with a pithy sign-off or something?

Kanan: What, are you planning on making this a regular thing now?

Sparkle: Hell yeah. Disco-ball-Leroy and I are buds.

Kanan: ... Well, I usually just tell people to stay safe and I'll talk to them next week.

Sparkle: Hm. We'll workshop it. But yeah, folks. Stay safe. Beware of giggling bushes, happy Canada Day if you're Canadian and have a good Independence Day later this week if you're American, or just, like, have a good week or whatever, basically, otherwise?

Kanan: Yeah, you're definitely going to have to workshop that.

Sparkle: Sssh. Anyway, until next time, this is Sparkle--

Kanan: And I'm Kanan. And until next week, Fandom.