Good evening, Fandom. It's time for the news. This is your host, J. Jonah Jameson, and nobody's listening anyway because you're all a bunch of tiny brats. But you're active brats, so let's get on with this.

( Brats. )

And that's it. If any of you brats pester me on my way home, I promise you that the boogeyman will get you. This has been J. Jonah Jameson for WTFH news.

[OOC: Big thanks to iruinenglish for the assist.]