VERONICA: Good evening, Fandom! Tonight I bring you a very special edition of radio... with snakes!

BEL: Hey, Veronica. You doing radio?

VERONICA: No, I'm writing a spec script for Wormhole Xtreme using real life Fandom adventures. What are you doing?

BEL: Oh, cool, I was just watching that for the first time tonight. We just heard your voice and decided to pop in.

PHOEBE: Hi, Veronica!

VERONICA: Phoebe, have you been drinking?

PHOEBE: Oh yes! It was better than dealing with the snakes.

VERONICA: You know, I think the snakes are the most normal thing that's happened in Fandom in a long time.

NADIA: Veronica! There you are! Did you hear that Blair is sleeping with--hiiiiiiiii Bel . . . Phoebe . . . Cally!

CALLY: What, huh, what's goin' on?

PHOEBE: Who is Blair sleeping with?

NADIA: . . .

BEL: You said he had a thing for me. He doesn't!

VERONICA: You're sleeping with Blair?

NADIA: Are you jealous that Blair stole your demon?

VERONICA: He's not MY demon!
PHOEBE: He's not her demon, he's MY demon!

CALLY: Wait, who else is sleeping with Bel now?



You Learn Something New Every Day

BEL: I'm not sleeping with anyone except Phoebe! Anyway, if you're doing radio, shouldn't we be getting to the news? *sound of rustling notes* In classes today, Flight and Flying went to Coruscant. It was pretty cool when we went during the last session. Interesting sights to see, particularly in the senate.

PHOEBE: In Constant Vigilance, we talked about vampires and werewolves and demons, oh my!

BEL: And Walter and Willow shared their personal experiences. Aside from Angel, I don't really have any personal experiences with vampires.

PHOEBE: Excuse me?

BEL: NOT THAT WAY!

PHOEBE: What kind of experience do you have with Angel? Is it the same you have with Blair?

BEL: We're JUST FRIENDS!

NADIA: How many people are you sleeping with?

PHOEBE: What Nadia said.

CALLY: Aaaaand Das Schnitzel was in charge of Das Cafeteria today.

Snakes in the Dorms!

VERONICA: In the dorms this morning, Jack and Cedric hung out in the second floor common room before heading to Jack's room for, I quote, snuggling and sexing.

CALLY: And it looks like Charlie is just gonna be friends with Marie, awwww. Charlie? WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

VERONICA: This afternoon, Pippi had a snake on the roof!. Tyler talked to it and then he and Pippi commented on English Peter's glitteriness.

CALLY: Up in the third floor common room, Dawn was watchin' Wormhole X-Treme. Dean returned from his invisible adventures to talk to Dawn. Invisible adventures? That woulda been something to see. Except not. Cause it was invisible. Which woulda made it impossible to see. Anyhoos, Molly got an explanation of the X-Treme Wormholes and then chatted with Dean about that planet which totally isn't a giant crossaint. Molly also had a super awkward conversation with Jamie. Dawn and Sam talked, too. Angela and Dawn geeked over Wormhole X-Treme, too. Marty asked Angela about her day, which is super sweet of him. And then Marty offered to go get pizza, which makes him super awesome, yeah. But now I'm hungry. Erm, speaking of hungry, even though this has nothing at all to do with it, Bel dropped by as well. Mmmm, yummy. I mean, erm, yes. Nothing to see here. Moving on.

BEL: Um, Cally? How much of Tuesday night do you remember?

PHOEBE: I remember kissing her.

CALLY: Erm, beyond that? I, uhh, don't know. But I'm sure I wouldn't have done anything that the Lords of Kobol or my sorta-possible-girlfriend would disapprove of. I swear. Oh. My. Gods.

VERONICA: Sake is evil. But yummy.

NADIA: Fifthed.

VERONICA: What are you doing?

NADIA: . . . nothing. Just keep reading the news.

BEL: In other dorm excitement, Xander sends email.

PHOEBE: Who did he send an email to?

BEL: It doesn't say.

PHOEBE: Maybe he sent an email to our floor. He certainly liked it the other night.

BEL: Sweetheart, are you feeling okay?

PHOEBE: *giggles* Yes, I don't have to deal with the snakes right now. Kawalsky had the right idea hiding from them.

BEL: Walter was also hiding in his room, but Nadia bribed him with dinner to get him to leave.

PHOEBE: What's on the menu?

CALLY: ...dirty?

NADIA: Nothing hot.

BEL: That's disappointing. Anyway, Jack brought ice cream to Sam.

PHOEBE: Awwww!

BEL: And Parker treated everyone to drinks.

PHOEBE: Parker is a shiny person.

CALLY: Shiiiiiiny.

BEL: Also, it was apparently Xander and Bridge's anniversary.

EVERYONE: Awwwwwww!

NADIA: Yay, big brother!

PHOEBE: Nadia, what are you doing?

BEL: She's drawing something on the wall with arrows and names.

PHOEBE: Cole, why is your name at the top?

NADIA: Bel, how many times a day can you have sex?

BEL: ...

PHOEBE: He can have sex several times a day. With me.

NADIA: And how often is he having it with everyone else?

PHOEBE: ...

BEL: I AM NOT!

Snakes in the Town!

BEL: Ahem. Over in Fandom, the theater is showing Snakes on a Plane. Fraser, Xander and Sam and Dean all buy tickets, and Jaye is supposed to be working but she sees the movie instead.

PHOEBE: Did the snakes go see the movie, too?

BEL: It doesn't say they bought tickets.

PHOEBE: Aeryn showed sensibility and went to the junkyard instead.

BEL: Sparky Repairs was open, but no one came by.

PHOEBE: It was a slow day at Aereo-...Aereopagy...Aereola...no that's not right. That bookstore. Hi, Lana!

BEL: And bye, Setsuna! She headed out of town today.

PHOEBE: The notes say "All and Sundries is open. Yay for Vicodin!" Pippi taught me all about the Vicodin when I was eight...nine.

NADIA: I remember that. Best weekend ever.

BEL: Jarod played snake charmer at the Sin.

Cally: Diiiiiiirty.

PHOEBE: Definitely dirty.

BEL: Nadia, are you just adding everyone's name to the wall?

NADIA: Not everybody's. I know I haven't had sex with you. I think.

PHOEBE: What?

BEL: MOVING ON. At Cafe Fina, Walter and Nadia left packages for Alfred. So did Pippi.

PHOEBE: Happy birthday, Alfred!

BEL: At Caritas, Greg served drinks to snakes. And got a job.

PHOEBE: Barbossa, coolest guy ever got a bottle of snake-free rum. Do you know he came and sang to me when I was a mermaid? He gave me rum and he told me there were stupid people in Fandom who I should drown.

BEL: You didn't drown anyone, did you, sweetheart?

PHOEBE: No, Piper said it would be wrong.

NADIA: And you actually listened to your sister?

PHOEBE: I listen to Piper. I don't tend to listen to Prue.

BEL: Also at Caritas, Parker bought everyone drinks. As you can see, my girlfriend had one too many.

PHOEBE: It wasn't one too many!

BEL: It was ten too many. Tyler had a free drink, too, and Pippi and Walter showed up as well.

PHOEBE: At the clinic, Alanna was pondering. What was she pondering?

BEL: Whether to spay or neuter her cat.

PHOEBE: Faithful wouldn't like that!

BEL: Just kidding, Faithful.


Snakes in the Water Balloons!

VERONICA: And finally there was a big water balloon battle in and around the park. Crichton and Callisto apparently have death wishes since they threw water balloons at Tex.

CALLY: And then people were getting balloons outside of Stuff For Sale. Amusingly, Stuff For Sale? Has stuff for sale. It's a novel concept, I know. John and Willow apparently have broken pelvises? Ow? I'm sorry? Do you need, like, surgery? Cause... ow. Broken pelvises sound so very, very ow. Peter Parker pelted people with pouring water. Including Willow, I'm assuming pre-broken pelvis, cause shooting a broken pelvised Willow would just be MEEEEEAN. Peter Pevensie got Willow with a balloon, and seriously, Willow got soaked and broke... I officially declare today Sucks to Be Willow day. I'm sorry, Willow. Owies. Peter gave River balloons, and this was apparently a mistake. And Kaylee and River were cute with balloons. Awwwww.

VERONICA: I bet Jane didn't think River was cute when she woke her up with a water balloon. Peter Pevensie thought Marty was a good target. Oh, I wish I had gone to the water balloon fight! Tim and Briar thought Conner made a good target. Pip threw water balloons at Kaylee who threw them at Marie who told Kaylee that she and Jamie have a date.

CALLY: And for people totally not having a date, Jack and Tim faced off with balloons. And juggling. And then Nadia and Pippi splooshed each other. . .

EVERYONE BUT NADIA: Dirty?

NADIA: *sounds of scribbling*

CALLY: Oh, hey, speaking of dirty, Callisto and John fought dirty! But I'm assured this is in a literal, muddy sense, not a figurative making out while hurting each other sense. Though Cal and mud and ooooh, happy mental place.

VERONICA: Whatever turns you on. Finally, a plane dropped a bunch of snakes on the island! How are we going to get the frakking snakes off the frakking island? I guess you'll have to tune in tomorrow to find out.

BEL: And that's it for the radio--Nadia, what are you doing?!

NADIA: It's . . . a diagram.

BEL: Of what?

NADIA: . . . Your sex life. See? I've got Phoebe in the middle along with Blair and Veronica.

VERONICA: I'm not sleeping with Bel!

BEL: And I'm not sleeping with Blair!

NADIA: But I saw you kiss him in sex ed.

BEL: Kissing doesn't mean anything! I kissed Veronica in Spin the Bottle--

NADIA: My point exactly!

BEL: --and everyone kissed Veronica at her birthday party!

NADIA: Okay, there is that. I kissed her then, too.

CALLY: Me too.

PHOEBE: I didn't . . . is it my turn?

(pause)

BEL: Yes. Yes it is.

VERONICA: . . . Oh sure, why not. Come here.

(prolonged pause filled with muffled unidentifiable noises)

NADIA: You guys could always just have a threesome. . . .

(silence)

CALLY: . . . I'll be in my bunk.

(static)



[ooc: this edition of LARP radio brought to you by me, sogothcally, demonbelthazor, future_visions and nadiathesaint (who also made the awesome icon!).]