Reno: Okay, I’m up. I’m awake. I’m here. You can untie the bottle of rum from the stick now an’ stop wavin’ it in front of my face, squirrels. I get the point, yo.

Deadpool: Awww, they caught you too! Sneaky little bastards.

Reno: We sure they’re squirrels? They’re kinda like little extra fuzzy rats when they get like this, ain’t they?

Deadpool: No, no. Rats will eat you. Squirrels are civilized about kidnapping you for their nefarious goals.

Reno: By playin’... what’s the Earth equivalent of a Chocobo with Gysahl greens? Horse and carrot? Horse an’ friggin’ carrot. With rum. *Sloshy* Congrats, rodents. It works.

Deadpool: They’re evolving. Pretty soon it’ll be Planet of the Squirrels.

Reno: So long as there’s rum, I, for one, am plannin’ on welcoming our new squirrely overlords. Also, my girlfriend’s got a cat. So I’m more or less safe, I think.

Deadpool: And in school related news, our buddy with the mullet taught kids about running away to join the circus. Then the kids introduced themselves in a completely shocking turn of events. Damn you, first week of school. DAMN YOU! Sam 'Disney Princess Eyes' Winchester taught his kids about setting up usernames and passwords on the computer. I go by 'The Pool' online. Oddly, no one thinks this is a bad thing. His kids ALSO introduced themselves. With the added bonus of saying what sort of computer experience they had. Surreal was all, 'Nah, I do blood and craft and am into freaky shit!' and then Sam was all 'Okay, but this is about computers.' Or something. I like my version the best. That Accursed Reed Richards taught his kids about the big bang theory. Oh, and how to make one of those snazzy godseyes. I've always wanted to make one...

Aaaaand, Weeeeesley shocked the world by having coffee instead of tea over at the library.

Reno: You know, ain’t nothin’ shockin’ about that, really. Tea is kinda like watered down leaf piss anyhow, ain’t it?

Deadpool: But he’s British! It’s not traditional!

Reno: The British drink leafy pisswater? The hell, guys.

Deadpool: But the royal wedding was so maaaaagical! Jan watched the shit out of it and not me at all just because I’m Canadian doesn’t mean I care about the British royal family or anything.

Reno: That kinda thing always puts me to sleep, anyhow. In their offices yesterday, we had a whole contingent of Fandom High former students, gone teacher, yo. I feel a kinship with you guys. I really do. Especially with Stark, who as offerin' little cupcakes to anyone who visited his office. I should'a dropped by. I'll take any free food anyone'll hand me, and I ain't even ashamed to admit that, yo. Hermi-- Well, holy shit, it's been a long time since I screwed up your name on the radio. I'll make it a good one, to make up for lost time. Hermeeeeeninininy. Hemminney. Hoo-hah. That one with the name was arrangin' her office to get it more suited to her tastes, yo. And Anders was bein' all sporty in his office, and doin' cupcake research. The best research is the kind that involves eatin' them, man. Just keep that in mind, and share when you advance to that stage in your studies.

Deadpool: Mmm, intense, scientific cupcake research. I’d be down with that today. Ooo! And a Dennys run.

Reno: … Go on. Make me hungry, man. I ain’t had breakfast yet, unless you count the rum, yo.

Deadpool: Only if there is coffee in there.

Reno: Coffee can be arranged! Squirrels. Get us coffee.

*angry chittering*

Deadpool: I’m takin’ that as a no.

Reno: Fuzzy little jerks. In the Dorms, Dolf was distractin' himself from some rough shit by watchin' YouTube vids, after makin' a place on his shelves for the gift Triela got him, yo. I'm guessin' there were a lot of cat videos. Or that one with the dog tryin' to play with the statue. Dumbass dog. Movin' on to the common rooms, where I feel slightly less like a friggin' creeper talkin' about than in people's bedrooms, Angelica was watchin' somethin' about models. Oh, ANTM? I don't totally hate that show, I'm comin' to learn. Welcome to Earth, 2011. We got paper-thin chicks with fake tits, tryin' to look hot in garbage bags for the entertainment of all. Ain't you happy you came?

Deadpool: Ahahahahahaha. Amazing friends. Where’s Spidey when you actually need him?

Reno: Speidi?

Deadpool: Who spins a web, any size. Catches badguys just like flies. Watch out! Here comes the Spider-Man. You need to Marvel it up some more, man.

Reno: You say shit like that, an’ all I can think is that I’m probably too square to really catch on to them weird fads of yours.

Deadpool: Square Enix says what?

Reno: I ain’t even got a friggin’ clue what that’s supposed to mean, yo. So I’m pressin’ on. Percy stopped by wonderin' if that was some kinda beauty pageant, which just goes to show that it's easy to live on the island for months and months, and still know nothin' about popular culture. Faramir stopped in to greet Angelica, and they talked about classes and stables and horses, which ain't half as kickass as chocobos. Just sayin'. I ain't biased or nothin', neither. Percy told Faramir about his surfin' class, and they traded stories about back home before talkin' about how Iceland ain't all ice, honest. Could'a foold me, yo. It's colder than Shiva's frozen *microphone feedback* out there.

Deadpool: Shiva’s frozen *microphone feedback*?

Reno: It’s blue.

Deadpool: ...and now I know these things.

Reno: And your life’s a little better for it. On the deck, Marshall, one of them kids who can't throw together an insult to save his life, was tryin' to work out. How's that workin' out for you, little guy? Petey-Pete-Peter Wiggin shared some doubleyou-tee-eff over the zombie class they're both in together, and then they get to talkin' about wormholes or somethin'. Sam La-- Somethin'. It's one of them 'French' names, ain't it? Kinda looks like it reads like crotch? That guy. He bonded with Petey over bein' new, and they compared notes on where they're from. Then he went and recognized Marshall from a class they're in together, too, and they also went and talked about zombies. Man, you guys would love the band at Caritas. Just sayin'. Roundin' out the group, we got Mercy stoppin' by to compare how the first week of classes went. Man, you rookie type students are so cute. You'll have way more interestin' things to talk about by next week, I'm sure.

Deadpool: Butters was in his room, playing with dolls to do a newscast. Wait. Wait. Seriously? And what kinda name is 'Butters' anyway? Next you'll say his name is Margarine. On the fifth floor, Toby had pizza and bad movies to watch. As one does on Fridays.

*It's Friday, Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!*

Deadpool: AHHH! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Reno: Stand back. I got high-proof rum an’ a pack of matches, an’ I know how to use ‘em.

Deadpool: Oh, thank god. That song, it seeps into your very soul and corrupts it like an eerie witch voice.

Reno: One even more nasal’n mine, yo. Takes talent.

Deadpool: We shall never speak of this again. Lion-o stopped by for free food and was forced to explain that no, no he's not human. God, Toby. Jack Carter was also not having any of that, but Lion-o didn't stab him or anything. Even though that would have been fun too. Elphaba stopped by and was confused by the premise of the horrible, horrible movie and no amount of explaining from Toby would change her mind. Jack then asked her if she was contaminated with radioactive waste or on a bowling team. Because Jack is a freakin' weirdo. A weirdo who did know that the SyFy channel existed in all it's misspelled glory because Toby had to explain it.

Reno: Over in the Town... you guys didn't do a hell of a lot yesterday. We got... Bod, bein' all thinky an' productive over at Luke's. Ariel stopped by, all happy to have a new place to pester the guy now that she knows he works there and at the library, and there's somethin' in there about deep-fryin' Cheetos, yo. You know, I'd try one, if someone handed it to me. Can't be worse than puttin' ham into coffee, right?

Deadpool: That was for the good of humanity!

Reno: It was an educational experience, yo. The rest of you ought’a try it, go. Tastes better if you cut it with somethin’, though. Somethin’ not ham.

Deadpool: Like whiskey!

Reno: Just like that! Next up, we got... *paper shuffling* Political crap or somethin' like it, yo. Vimes down at the trooper station got himself a letter, so naturally that meant that when Anakin swung by to get all nostalgic at the troopers or whatever, he got drafted to take Vimes' old job. Congratulate your new sheriff, Fandom Island. He teaches Ethics durin' the regular school year, so you know he's fit for the job.

Deadpool: As long as he doesn’t do anything funny. There will be no dramatic music goin’ on anywhere on island, okay?

Reno: I’ll take dramatic music, just so long as he doesn’t hire a chorus to go chantin’ his name in the background or somethin’ stupid like that.

Deadpool: Wow, that would be insanely egotistical of him.

Reno: S’the kinda thing that guys with their own background music would do, yo. Down at Things Reborn, Harper got some anatomically correct - *snicker* - I wanna leave the note at that. That's way more funny'n sayin' that they were heart necklaces, yo. Harper got some anatomically correct somethin'-or-other down at Things Reborn. They're on sale, kids. You know you want one. The Arms was open, more or less, but you would'a had a hard time findin' Mary, because she was hidin' from a Viking. And Pixie Dust was opened too, by none other than my old radio co-host, Jenny, who put on a sale for the new kids. That sounds uncharacteristically nice of her, yo. There must'a been somethin' wrong with the stock.

Deadpool: Aaaand I think we’re done here, kiddos.

Reno: Good. You went an’ mentioned food, an’ much as I’m lovin’ the rum, I’m about ready to try an’ roast the squirrel over the burnin’ Rebecca Black recording.

Deadpool: Mmmm. Tastes like auto-tuning.

Reno: Shitty auto-tuning.

Deadpool: Have a good day, folks!

Reno: Don’t do nothin’ we wouldn’t do. Or sing that Friday song, or we’ll have to burn your recording, too.