Welcome Back, Fandom! It's Toby with your shirtless but still warm Wednesday radio broadcast!

*door slamming*

Lucas: You know, it'd be nice to be back for a day before the squirrels start stealing my shirt and dragging me in here.

Toby: Oh great, like I wanna hang out all night with you, boyfriend stealer!

Lucas: Look, I didn't steal anyone! There's not even any dating of any kind happening and I'm more than willing to leave.

Toby: Whatever, dude. If you're here, you're reading notes.

Lucas: Fine. What's first? *papers rustling*

School, where I only have classes on Thursday

Toby: Seriously, just Thursday? That is so not fair.

Lucas: What's not fair is there's a class on Physics with Trees. Sounds like a cake-walk on Mars.

Toby: Dude, no puns on the air. Karal couldn't get his candle to blow out in the library. So freaking dirty. Also, not something normal people can do on their own, but I so knew this guy back at the Hotel Dante who could...

Lucas: Dude, just no. No. Sex Ed was a little late to the getting to know people game in class today. I see death by embarrassment a result during the lecture on getting to know your partner and the truth-sharing activity.

Toby: 'Cause you'd so lie. Survival Skills class lucked out and watched a movie about wilderness survival which would've paired so well with Cooking Survival class that made S'mores.

Lucas: Can't imagine it would've been good to mix the s'more eating with Flight Club's podracing activity.

Toby: Maybe you're just not capable of keeping your lunch down. You do look awful thin. What's that scar?

Lucas: Hey, hands off, sparkle-chest! That's none of your business!

Toby: Fine! I'll focus on the notes. In our weekly office hours segment, we have Mr. Minsc writing an exam. Dude, so glad not to be in that class. The librarian, Dr. Jones went searching for spear info but not like, dirty spears. Mr. Murdock had a possessed candle in his office...wait, the candles weren't just in my room?

Lucas: You're quick to recognize weirdness, huh?

Toby: Whatever, I figured it was like a gift. Sort of like the R-P-S Mr. JP found.

Dorms, where everyone lives and stuff

Toby: Blair, who throws awsome parties was like, not doing a bunch of stuff till Chuck stopped by to discuss her cheating boyfriend! Oh my Miley, I know how that goes, dude!

Lucas: Hey! Don't look at me like that! I'm not your boyfriend.

Toby: Oh, so you're not a cheating cheater who cheats? You look like one.

Lucas: Oh look, more notes! Seems Momoko was in our room getting ready for a date when Rikku came by with some girl stuff. Good luck with that and I gotta say I'm glad I wasn't around.

Toby: I bet. Jack was in his room just sort of staring and waving around his tools. Huh. Seems Hannibal was doing the studying and pizzaing on the fourth floor tonight. Lois got pizza and plans for a future date. Am I the only one not getting a date?

Lucas: Just the only one complaining about it...

Toby: Whatever, at least Cal didn't get a date with Hannibal after all their talk of...cutting off limbs?

Lucas: Huh? *rustling paper* Lemme see that!

Toby: Dude, you can't just take whatever you want! Though it sounds like Amber's virginity's up for grabs if you go that way. She and Cal talk impending doom and Dick fails to get secret thoughts from Hannibal.

Lucas: Down on the second floor, Tony watched his show and taught Blysse about Thanksgiving. Okay, isn't that explanation about a week late?

Toby: Dude, how is that show not on hiatus yet? I wish like, Two Shrub Bush ran for that long. What? Do you have like, some eye disease with staring?

Lucas: How can you watch that show? It's completely illiterate tripe.

Toby: *gasping* DUDE, you did not just say that! I am so not listening to you anymore, lalalalala!

Town, where it's always old people date night

Toby: So Cable and Deadpool had Fraser, Dief, and Tether over for date night by candlelight. Daisy made soup and toast for Biff, bringer of vodka.

Lucas: You really were the only one without a date. Even Naomi at Stark Industries got Jack and a sack of burgers. Oh, and Jeff at the hotel got lunch and talk of sex with Turtle. Aaaaand Warren and Momoko and Murdock and Abby Irene hit the town for separate Chinese food dating events. Even The Onsen got a Jamie and Temari date while Luke's Diner saw a sort of Johnny and Savannah date with grilled cheese and soup. Rikku and Reno had a sparring date by the lighthouse. Even Sarah got asked on a bowling date by Daisy for Friday. But, you know, don't feel bad, Toby.

Toby: You suck. In openings not involving dates, Romeo had candles at Pixie Dust. Wellspring had Ino and a Romeo with the talking about his new managerial position and Jack who wanted office supplies...at a gun store.

Lucas: Um, yeah. Moving along, Dale had good coffee, bad coffee, and M&Ms at the Trooper Station. He and Ray talked about their holiday plans and Daisy was delighted by Dale's crappy coffee. Amber napped at Turtle and Canary, which isn't exactly a good work habit, there Amber.

Toby: Who are you to judge?

Lucas: What? Is editorializing illegal here?

Toby: *pause* Um, yes? Especially when like, Katchoo was all discovering that the candles wouldn't light her cigarettes at Strokes and Lola's snacking on German cookies at Covent Gardens. Ichigo had an Ino at Coyote Medicine for rat naming times. Oh! Oh! I vote for Sky!

Lucas: Uh, the note says they're calling it 'Jeremy.'

Toby: I didn't ask you. Liir cooked at Fina, Edmund worked the Gig, Alice played the tunes, Teddy was hungover at York, and there was frog singing at Caritas while my awesome little sister Penelope met a crazy rabbit named Max and poured Robin rootbeer.

*door slamming*

John: Seriously squirrel guys, I sorta need my shirt! It's freaking cold out and I really don't-- Oh *beep*! Are you guys on the air?

Lucas: No, we're making cupcakes. What does it look like?

Toby: Oh my god, rude much? Hiiiii John!

Lucas: Dude, where do you get off talking about rude?

Toby: I don't get off since you stole my boyfriend, Lucas Scott!

Lucas: Maybe you should've thought of that before you ditched him in the shower like an asshole!

John: *eyerolling* Oh wow, why don't you two just make out already and get it over with?

*stunned silence*

Lucas: GAH, NO! Toby: Well...

*pause*

*door slamming*

Ronon: What's with the rodents stealing my stuff?

John: Oh great.

Toby: Hey there, professor. You're lookin'...hot.

Lucas: I think cold was the word you were going for.

Toby: No, not really.

John: His nipples are like rocks.

*crickets*

John: What? Can I get my shirt back now?

*radio silence*